(43-365) I Did It!

In honor of this auspicious occasion, I can think of nothing more appropriate than to quote Dora the explorer and say "I did it, I did it, I did it - HURRAY!  Ya I did it!" I know that Dora says "we" not "I", but my monkey sidekick had nothing to do with writing "The Bumpy Ride" for 365 consecutive days, so I hope you'll permit me some creative license on that one.

When I wrote "43" on July 28, 2010, I said that I was committing to write EVERY day for a year PLUS my 44th birthday, so in fact my journey is not quite over; but I think that since this is the last night of my 43rd year it's appropriate for me to review all that I've learned during this excruciating endeavor so that tomorrow I can make a fresh start on a brand new year and the rest of my life. 

To quote myself in "43", "I believe this needs to be a year of recollection, reflection, observation, appreciation, and change; and I plan to do this right before your very eyes."  And, I'm delighted to say that I believe I have.  I've taken you on many walks down my memory lane.  Some strolls were happy and amusing while others were painful and heartbreaking.  I told you "My real life love story", and many, many tales of trial and tribulation.  I got definitions published in "The Urban Dictionary" and entered and lost my first essay contest.  I've written about fear, courage, optimism, perseverance, grief, empathy, sympathy and laughter.  I've shared quotes and songs from various genres, and demonstrated my prowess at Six degrees of Kevin Bacon.  I reported on a season each of soccer and swim team, enlisted your assistance with an art contest and battled an Art Nazi!  I've had thrills and spills, a number of firsts, and made several discoveries.  I found and fell in love with my cousin Jackie, I got three new jobs,  I renewed friendships, strengthened friendships and ended friendships.  I've taken chances and advocated for myself like I never have before.  I gave support, advice, and of course, recommendations for the (say it with me) GREATER GOOD!  And I truly couldn't be more proud of myself than I am right now.

When I wrote "Five Hundred" I mentioned that writing "The Bumpy Ride" every day for this year had been both a blessing and a curse.  I didn't elaborate on the negative; because ya know I like to accentuate the positive.  Yet I will admit that this challenge was far more taxing than I ever imagined.  The truth is that I usually give more though to what I'm gonna have for dinner than I did to what a big (yes) HUGE undertaking a daily commitment would be.  No matter how physically or emotionally tired I was - I had to write.  No matter what fun activity was awaiting me - I had to write.  No matter my location -I had to write.  And so with pad in hand I wrote as night fell upon the drive in.  I typed in a word document at the lake, in Laughlin, and while camping. Then I had to go find a public place with wi-fi so that I could capture the perfect picture to accompany the post and publish it.  I wrote from Las Vegas, and California (twice), not to mention having to get up extra early so that I could publish a post before spending the day in Disneyland.  Each blog took anywhere from half an hour to five to write.  And the award for the blog that took the longest to author, goes to "The Hostess With The Mostess", which I wrote while attending the best crop EVER at Mari's hobby  house.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining at all.  For me the pros definitely outweighed the cons AND now that I know for certain that I really can commit to doing something EVERY day; I'm gonna get my butt back to the gym, so that (hopefully) this time next year, I'll be able to report that I finally lost the hundred pounds that I've been talking about FOREVER.

If I've learned anything this year, it's this: First, I can do ANYTHING that I set my mind too.  Second, if you want to change your circumstances YOU can.  Third, you are only as limited as you allow yourself to be.  And fourth, to quote RuPaul  "What other people think of me is not my business."   

Once again I  want to thank everyone who has joined me on "The Bumpy Ride" this year and I implore you to keep coming back for more.  Even though this is the end of my year, it is really only the beginning.  I am so looking forward to sharing "44" with you tomorrow, so please make sure to stop by, as I'll be revealing  a very special surprise.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-174) FORGIVENESS

I've said it more times than I can count; "I am blessed, I am blessed, I AM BLESSED;"  and so I am; in so many ways.  But tonight; the blessing that I'm referring to, is that of my children and my friends.  The response to "Do Over..." has been heart warming, as both my kids and my friends seem to believe that my analysis of my behavior was far too harsh.  Once again, I have to dispute their claims and tell you that my behavior was far from what I would expect of myself, and though every one's faith in me won't permit them to believe my assessment; it's true.

With that being said, I can tell you that I'm trying to put the incident behind me and forgive myself.  I KNOW that no one is perfect.  I KNOW that wallowing in my shame is not helpful or healthy; and I KNOW that I will do better next time; and there WILL be a next time, because I am nothing if not a fighter.  A fighter in the sense that I will not give up.  I will not be dissuaded, because for me; failure is not an option.

In the process of trying to work through my feelings about "the drama," as my kids refer to it; I looked up quotes about forgiveness; and I'd like to share some that I liked best, with you.

On Betterworld.net, I found "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." -- Cherie Carter-Scott

"The only way children can learn the habit of forgiveness is by seeing us, their parents, forgive others and forgive ourselves." -- Naomi Drew

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."  -- Mohandas K. Gandhi

"Forgiveness does not overlook the deed. It rises above it." 
 -- Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela

Such profound words.  They have helped me to realize that if I can forgive others (which I am apt to do;) then I myself am deserving of my own forgiveness.  I see that no one benefits from my extended lament and criticism of myself.  Instead I have to approach each day ready to do better than the last.  I need to remember what happened but not dwell on it and love myself regardless; because as RuPaul says, "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

I AM forgiven.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING