(43-118) Hide The Turkey

Hiding or disguising the turkey is a traditional Thanksgiving activity for the kindergarten and first grade classes at my kid's school.  The kids are given a piece of paper with a plump, Thanksgiving turkey on it; and as a family activity, you are supposed to hide or disguise the turkey, so that he won't be eaten.

When Nicky was in Kindergarten, we disguised his turkey as Santa Claus and turned his plumage into a sack of toys.  Then, in First grade, Nicky's turkey masqueraded as a pirate.

When Lyndzi was in Kindergarten, we hid her turkey underneath an old fashioned gumball machine and in First grade, her turkey was transformed into a butterfly.

Last year, Kelsie's turkey assumed the identity of a ladybug and this year it's camouflaged as a bucket of popcorn. 

I wish that I had thought about doing this blog BEFORE I covered the turkey up.  I tried to find a replica of the original turkey so that you could see how well we'd done; but alas, he was REALLY allusive; so you'll just have to take my word for it... he's under there; and he is as large as the bucket of popcorn. 

Can you tell that I LOVE this activity? The kids and I always have a fantastic time deciding what to do with the turkey and creating something together.   I am THANKFUL for these times, indeed.

Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Blog Envy

To say that I've had myself a case of blog envy for the past few weeks, would be putting it mildly. After watching "Julie and Julia" (which I loved, by the way;) on New Year's day I was ridiculously, jealous of Julie's blogging success. I mean all she did (not to minimize it,) was to follow each recipe in Julia Child's cookbook and write about it and she got a gazillion readers, writing gigs, and a movie; and yet here I sit, coming up with original material of (I'm told) an admirable caliber, and I'm virtually unknown. Heck, even "Ugly Betty" started her own blog last week and next week she's up for a blog AWARD. (YES, I know that's pretend; but you get the picture!) I was in a nasty, unbecoming place.

So,in the midst of my covetousness and self doubt, I couldn't come up with a complete blog for last week and so I opted out. Oh, I had ideas alright, but nothing that I seemed to be able to formulate into an entire blog; though God knows I tried. First I started with "Ya Gotta have Friends," the blog I felt driven to write because when I was giving out fundraiser flyers to the parents in our soccer league and I asked one dad to take two, (so that he could give one to a friend,) he replied "I don't have any friends." Now, in his case, that's a statement that I easily could believe; because he is kind of a jerky guy and by a jerky guy I mean A JERK. But this other mom, (on one of my kids teams;) who is SO NICE and friendly with many other moms, gave me the same response; "I don't really have any friends" and that's when I started hearing Bette Midler's "Ya gotta HAVE FRIENDS" song, over and over in my head (to the point where I was frequently singing it out loud.) I was overwhelmed with a compulsion to write about how very sad it would be,not to have friends. I felt the need to write about how grateful I am for MY friends and how much I LOVE and rely on my friends; because they really are the family that you choose for yourself; but alas, no blog was written about it. (wink wink.)

I thought about giving you an update on Nicky and B (from the Winter Wonderland dance,) because although she was very attentive towards him when they returned to school; after the Christmas break, the same could not be said. In fact, Nicky came home after a couple of days of being back to school and he looked unusually sad. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that B was not talking to him anymore. He explained that he would say "Hi," but she didn't respond; and I just felt terrible for him. He hadn't even liked this girl before the dance and once she started talking to him, Luis and I encouraged him to be more friendly towards her and now he was heartbroken. For the next few days, I would ask if he had seen B and he would say "yes," and I would ask if they had spoken, and he'd say "no;" and so finally I said "well, you know what they say," and he replied "love em and leave em." Oh my god, oh my god; I laughed my butt off and so did Nicky. I was actually going to say "there are more fish in the sea." How on earth did my quiet, shy, boy know the expression, love em and leave em? I guess it just goes to show, you have to watch out for the quiet ones; but for some reason I couldn't convey that message in a blog either.

I thought about writing about how I hadn't been feeling the love for or from the world for the past few weeks, and how I couldn't put my finger on why; but now I know - it was due to the blog envy.

So on Tuesday I was at the Orthodontist for Lyndzi and I picked up an issue of "Parents Magazine," because although it's typically geared towards parents with younger children, there were a few captions that caught my attention; and while I was flipping through the pages, to get to the article about taking the icky out of the picky eater; I came across an article about moms who blog and need I say the blog envy crept in and almost choked me. It was truly a good article and highlighted some of the success that moms who blog had been having and there it was; right there in print it said GO TO Parents.com/mommy-blog to tell us about your favorite mom run blog and so I got the idea to enlist help from my Facebook fan club and friends.

I sent a message through the fan club and an email to approximately 20 people, requesting that they go to this website and let "Parents Magazine" know about me. I thought about checking the link before posting it, but yah, that would have just made TOO MUCH SENSE; and as I am NOT the Queen of THE INTERNET; I didn't. So was I surprised when shortly after sending these pleas out into the universe, my friend David emailed me to let me know that the link didn't work? Of course not; that's just par for the course for me. And in my own defense I'll just attribute my overzealousness to the fact that I had just been told Lyndzi's orthodonture was going to cost about $5000 AFTER my dental insurance and multi- family member discount and so I wanted to get the ball rolling immediately.

So, back to the drawing board I went. I emailed everyone that the link didn't work and I sucked up yet another one of my faux pas. But I will add, shame on you "Parents magazine." I really thought that there was a possibility that we were going to be getting to know each other; but alas; no. Or perhaps I should say; not right now. Of course you know that I am NOT giving up on this. I WILL find a way to get myself known and set myself apart from the thousands of mommy bloggers out there, because I am not JUST a mommy blogger; heck; I'm the Queen of EVERYTHING! But, if you have any ideas or know anyone who might be able to provide me with some assistance, guidance or encouragement; please send them my way.

In the meantime, I went back to that stinkin link and took another stab at it. This time I was more successful, though it wasn't as direct of a hit as one might have assumed by "Parents" link post. SO, at the risk of seeming like I'm begging, pleading, or sounding pathetic, you can email editors@goodyblog.com and let them know why YOU enjoy "The Bumpy Ride," which just happens to be a MOM run blog. You can also email any other literary magazine where you think they might enjoy my work. After all there is strength in numbers AND you know that I for one am ALWAYS looking out for YOUR GREATER GOOD.

Till next time...

Queen of EVERYTHING

What a Difference a Day Makes

On Saturday my kids and I were going over to Michelle K's to color Easter eggs; (good Jew that I am,) and my husband was going to join us after work for pizza and poker; (just the adults for poker, in case you were wondering.) I had invited my friend Jackie (here on out to be know as VaJJ) "why are all of my friends being nicknamed after the vagina? kinda weird - but I digress;" and while we were driving in her "fast car" as my kids call it, VaJJ, who unfortunately is not in the best of health, started showing me the pharmacy that she had in her purse. She pulled out the sealed syringe of one med, and then a bag of Vicodin which she said was for "if she got cramps." If she got cramps; let me tell you, there was enough Vicodin in this bag for "if" the entire female population of Arizona got cramps. LOL But seeing the Vicodin in the bag reminded me of a story, which I told to VaJJ and will now share with you.

About a year ago I was at Tiffany's house and I started experiencing some pain in my mouth. Now I do have a very high tolerance for pain (delivered 3 kids, no drugs;) but mouth pain stresses me out and I cannot handle it because of my "dentalphobia." That's right, mouth pain signifies a trip to the dentist to me and that just scares the bejeebus out of me. I had asked Tiffany for some Ibuprofen which she gladly gave me; AND she told me that she had Vicodin if I wanted to take a couple with me in case the pain got worse. See what did I tell you; Tiffany is always trying to help. =0)
I took the Vicodin with me, but I didn't find the need to take it and thankfully the pain dissipated.

A few weeks later I went over to Kara's house at lunchtime because Kara was on very, very, restricted bed rest with her third pregnancy and I wanted to bring lunch over and have a visit with her.
Another friend needed a favor so she had dropped her daughter off at Kara's for the sitter to watch. The sitter left and I gave Kara's son, my 2 daughters, and the friend's daughter, lunch. When they were all settled I brought lunch and drinks upstairs for Kara and I but I had forgotten to take my apple cider vinegar pill (I was trying yet again to lose weight,) so I went downstairs, took my pill and then joined Kara upstairs. I wanted to chat with Kara but I didn't want to tell her that I had been going through a really bad depression and was feeling lousy. We had a short visit and then I left to pick up my son from school.

About an hour later I was driving to work and I remember thinking to myself "boy, what a difference a day makes; I feel really good today;" and with that I happily went in to work.
A few hours later I was going to eat dinner and I reached into my purse to get out the baggie with my apple cider vinegar pill and much to my surprise there were 2 apple cider vinegar pills in the baggie, when there should have only been 1 since I took one at lunch. Well, I'm sure you guessed it by now; the pill I took at lunch was not apple cider vinegar; but Vicodin. No wonder my day seemed so much better. The Queen of INCIDENTS strikes again. (Now really, say it with me "who could make this stuff up?"
Maybe someone should alert the company that makes Vicodin; not that they need any help I'm sure, but if for some reason they are ever in need of a slogan I recommend that they say "Vicodin - what a difference a pill makes."
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Ralph Lauren

Yesterday I was talking to my friend Trish after I picked up my older daughter from preschool. Trish was telling me how funny she thought my last blog was (Thanks Trish,) and how she was cracking up when I was writing about wanting to leave my 40 lb stomach somewhere after a thrill ride. I told her that I actually deliberated over how many lbs to say, because I have no idea what my stomach would really weigh and that I was hoping that I was overestimating.

Anyway, in the course of saying this I added "because I am the Queen of Sarcasm;" and then I thought - ugghh, I forgot to mention that one. So since I did advise in my last blog that if I was Queen of something, I'd let you know, go ahead, add that to the list - Queen of Sarcasm.

Now, here's the irony, and I don't mean Alanis Morriset - "black fly in your Chardonnay, rain on your wedding day" irony (I'm sure that someone more clever than me has already pointed out that such occurrences are not irony- just unfortunate;) but real irony. I am married to a wonderful, kind, Mexican man and my sarcasm is COMPLETELY wasted on him; as Mexicans (well at least my Mexican,) don't understand sarcasm and the art form that it is. Now, that's irony - the Queen of Sarcasm, and the spouse just doesn't get it. He does; however, think I'm funny for the most part- which I thank god for or my ego would be the size of a pea.

So back to Trish. I was telling her that while I was trying to find a way for my readers to be notified when I posted a blog; I found an article that said blogs were usually brief. Um, I guess I am not the traditional blogger then; because as you may have already noticed, I am NOT the Queen of Brevity. God help me I try, really I do, but I just don't seem to have an internal edit button; and even when I try to make a long story short, or say that I'm going to make a long story short - I DON'T, I just CAN'T, and I'm SO sorry for those of you who have to endure me when I talk; and apparently when I write.
In fact, just after I graduated from college, I was suffering from TMJ (it's a terrible pain in one of the joints in your mouth - to simplify for anyone who hasn't heard of it.) Anyway, I went to a specialist and not only did he remark on how small physically my mouth was (again, REAL irony,) but he said that he would have thought I would have learned to keep my mouth shut long ago. I'm thinking he thought it could contribute to the pain because of the stress on the joint?? (But who knows -it's just funny.) He also told me NOT to keep my mouth open for long periods of time - (But that would be another story, perhaps an X rated one - LOL) Anyway, self admittedly, NOT the Queen of Brevity - so if you're looking for a brief blog; I'm probably not for you, BUT that article did also say that some people post several times a day - and figure, there's no way that I'm gonna be able to do that. I probably won't even post everyday. So maybe one long post will be OK then?? At least I hope so.

So back to my husband. My husband is the Front Desk Manager at a resort in Scottsdale; and as such, people are often turning items in to him that they have found in their rooms or at the pool or whatever. He also finds quite a bit himself when he walks the property. Actually he finds stuff everywhere. I mean a few years ago we were in the ocean in San Diego, and he found a wallet, yes in the ocean. It had like $60 which yes, he kept because he turned the wallet in to the lifeguard and you know he would have kept the cash- (the lifeguard).
So anyway - he finds stuff. OK, so when someone turns something in at the resort, they have the option to put their name on it and if no one claims it in 90 days - it's theirs. Most often, people opt not to put their name on it, so my husband then puts his. This process has turned out really well for him as he's gotten a Baum and Mercier watch (valued at over $2000) gift cards, jewelry (though nothing I've liked unfortunately because I guess I'm the Queen of Picky) and enough sun glasses to open his own store.

Well yesterday when he met me at my job (so that I could go to work) he showed me a pair of Ralph Lauren sunglasses (w/ a case that said Ralph Lauren) and he asked me if I thought they were boys; ( because of the size, shape etc.) I said "yes." Aha - just "yes" believe it or not; LOL and then he said that he was going to give them to my son (7 1/2 yrs old) and I said "ok," aha - just "ok," LOL and then I went to work.
When I got home that night, my son was very excited to show me the sunglasses as well as the case that they came in. My son said, "Look at my cool new sunglasses. Dad gave them to me because a boy at the hotel lost them. His name was Ralph Lauren." Well, you know I just laughed hysterically, and I asked my son why he thought the boy's name was Ralph Lauren and then he showed me the case; which (I told you) said 'Ralph Lauren.' OMG - Too funny. So I explained to my son that Ralph Lauren was the name of the designer that made the glasses, not the name of the boy. See who could make this stuff up??
Oh, and don't even think about posting that you lost a Baum and Mercier watch or a wallet with $60 - and you wondered why I didn't post the Resort name - hahaha I am NOT the Queen of Gullible.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING