I know myelf extremely well. I recognize my strengths; and I'm uniquely, well aware of my weaknesses; which is why I can admit, that I am The Queen of GRIPES. It's not that I like to complain; it's just that, although I'm a patient person; I am also very easily annoyed. To give you some insight into my frequent griping; I'll share this tidbit. I think that I am prone to gripe because in any instance that I feel as if myself or my loved ones are being cheated out of something; my defenses flare up. I believe this stems from feeling cheated out of having my parents; and all that would entail. I know, HEAVY for a Wednesday night blog; but you know me, I'm the Queen of FAIRNESS, even at my own expense; and I'm just trying to give you an honest assessment.
Now, with this being said; I can tell you that I DON'T enjoy griping. I wish that I never griped. I would love for things to be able to flow off my back, and I wish that things didn't bother me as easily or as often as they do; but old habits die hard and history and baggage can be very difficult to overcome. Nonetheless; I realized today, that this is exactly what I need to do.
Earlier today I had a lengthy conversation with (SMF) Big Mike; the director of our soccer board. Part of our conversation was about our upcoming tournament, and he shared some information that disturbed me; because I found the decision to be very unfair to the children. Rather than be so vague, let me take a minute to explain. Every year we have a two day tournament at the end of the soccer season; and we always have it at a location, other than where we play regularly. Additionally, the tournament starts on Friday evening, so that the kids get the opportunity to play at night, under lights; and everyone seems to find this pretty exciting; kids and parents alike. Well today Mike told me that the teams that are in first place for U-8 (Kelsie's division and team as luck would have it,) and U-10 (Lyndzi's division and team, as luck would have it;) are NOT going to play on Friday night; and instead, they will play a double header on SaturDAY. I objected; and explained that I thought that it was unfair that the teams who had done the best all season, were going to be deprived of an experience that we were supposed to be giving to everyone. Mike fully agreed, but said that others were doing the planning and it just seemed like this was the way it was going to have to be.
OK, now let me stop you; and say I KNOW, this is NOT a big deal, in the big scheme of things. I KNOW that there are A LOT worse things going on in the world right now; and I'm not saying that this occurrence even merits being discussed; BUT it is a turning point for me; which is why I'm exposing myself and my thoughts in this way. I was contemplating the situation later in the day, and I decided that I would blog about it. I also knew that I had to STOP! Instead of being annoyed that my girls were being short changed; I needed to be grateful that I had healthy girls who COULD play soccer. I needed to be thankful that I could still afford for my kids to play soccer; and I needed to realize that no one will be any worse the wear, even if they are disappointed. I decided that I wanted to and HAD to choose happiness; and in doing so, I had to let go of these petty annoyances; and just go with the flow. Whatever it is; it is. Now, this is not to say that I am always going to accept whatever hand I'm dealt; because I do think that I have the ability to effect change; BUT, it means that if I haven't succeeded in my quest; I have to accept it, and choose to be happy despite it; rather than tell everyone I know about my latest pitfall.
So there you have it. My lesson of the day; I CHOOSE HAPPINESS!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING
Everyone has their own personal way of dealing with their grief, loss, depression, stress; etc. We all have our own means of coping. For some, it is best to be surrounded by loved ones, while for others isolation is more soothing. Because people vary so much, it can be difficult to know how to be there for a friend when they're hurting; but I hoped that I knew what my dear friend, Rachel K needed.
A few months ago, Rachel had suffered the loss of her beloved friend; Barry; and then on December 26, she had to say goodbye to her four legged son, Bart. I may not get this exactly right; but I believe that Bart was a 16 1/2 year old, wire haired, Dachshund; and I can honestly say that I have never met anyone who was more devoted to their dog; than Rachel. Rachel adored Bart; and she treated him with the utmost love and respect. During the last month of his life, Rachel cooked special meals for Bart and tried to do everything and anything to restore his health. She even took him to a holistic vet in addition to seeing her traditional vet.
When Rachel called to tell me that they had to put Bart to rest; she was sobbing uncontrollably, and I felt helpless. There are NEVER any words that anyone can say to someone who has experienced such a loss; and so all I could say was "I'm so sorry;" and I was / am. I'm so sorry that she has to hurt; I'm so sorry that she has to be without her friends. I'm so sorry that she won't get to hold them or be comforted by them again, and I'm so sorry that this is unfortunately the way that life is.
I hadn't heard from Rachel since she called to tell me about losing Bart; but because I know that she needs to keep to herself when she's upset; I tried not to crowd her. I left her a message on a weekly basis; just so she would know that I was thinking of her; and I sent her a text as well. I wanted her to know that when she was ready, I'd be here for her; and in the meantime, I'd wait and send my love.
Rachel was very much on my mind today; and perhaps that's why she called me. Rachel told me that she was working on healing, slowly; and we discussed how unfair death was. I told Rachel that I felt terrible for not being able to do more for her; but I knew from personal experience that there was absolutely nothing that I could say. I apologized for not being able to do anything to provide her with some relief, and again told her how sorry I was for her loss. We chatted a bit longer, and discussed how awful death is. I said that hopefully, as time goes on; she'll be able to remember the wonderful times that she'd had with Barry and Bart and those feelings of gratitude would replace the agonizing pain that she was experiencing now. I know that right now, that seems impossible; but I speak from experience when I say it can be done. It will always hurt to miss our loved ones; but I do believe that Tennyson is right, "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
Rachel is a woman who treasures her family of friends, and all that are fortunate enough to call her friend; are truly blessed. I am so sorry for Rachel's recent losses; and for anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one. All I can offer is my love , my words and my sympathy; and hope that in some way, there is comfort in that.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING
I've said it more times than I can count; "I am blessed, I am blessed, I AM BLESSED;" and so I am; in so many ways. But tonight; the blessing that I'm referring to, is that of my children and my friends. The response to "Do Over..." has been heart warming, as both my kids and my friends seem to believe that my analysis of my behavior was far too harsh. Once again, I have to dispute their claims and tell you that my behavior was far from what I would expect of myself, and though every one's faith in me won't permit them to believe my assessment; it's true.
