One Way or Another

At this point, if anyone asks you what "The BumpyRide" is about, you can pretty much just say FEET.  Now I know that people don't really want to read endless stories about my abusive pedicures, my in-grown toe nails, and all the other feet fiascos that I have shared; but the truth is that I haven't posted a blog in over a month; and SEVERAL of the reasons (ok excuses) why, have to do with my feet.  Yes, one way or another, it ALL seems to be about my feet.   I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, this can be the last foot post for a while and I can get on to more important things; like writing a regular blog about thoughts and events that have nothing to do with my feet.

With so much time to cover I hardly know which way to go; which of course is one of the EXCUSES that I am using for not posting.  I thought about giving you a top ten list of the reasons that I haven't written, but alas, the excuses are not all that funny.  The first week that I didn't post -  I needed the time (that I would have spent blogging) to do my Oscar research.  I reasoned that I had a better chance of making money in my Oscar pool than I did writing my blog that week; and so I explored my Oscar options; only to wind up coming in right in the middle of the pack and hence no money was earned.  Yes, yes, it's always fun; but as much as I was looking forward to the broadcast, I was disappointed by Alec and Steve; and therefore, wrote no Oscar blog this year.  I will say that my heart goes out to Sandra Bullock, who won the WELL DESERVED, Best Actress Oscar for The Blind Side.  Oh poor Sandra appeared at every award show there was, commending her saintly, husband Jesse James for getting dressed up in a monkey suit and enduring all of the award festivities.  She said that it was the first time that she knew what it was like for someone to have her back (she even upheld that statement to Barbra Walters;) but unfortunately while he was supposed to have Sandra's back, he was having various body parts of other women as well.  I know that when you're famous your business becomes the world's business and typically it's bad enough when a celeb is cheated on and the world finds out about it; but to have publicly praised your husband left and right and then have this news come to light - UGGHH! To quote my friend Dawn, "She truly was blind sided!"

Ok, so for someone who didn't know what to write about, this is certainly a lot easier than I thought, but for brevity's sake (ok, who am I kidding) I am going to need to sum this up in a nutshell; so here goes.  I've been BUSY, VERY busy.  I've been perfecting my Pot Roast, crucifying a corned beef, I taught myself how to make baked beans, pulled pork AND cream cheese frosting (from scratch.)  I've baked numerous batches of brownies and cupcakes, gone on field trips and had kids home for Spring Break.  I've been making cards, jewelry, and flower hair clips. I've colored Easter eggs, shopped for Easter basket fixins, prepared Easter dinner and stuffed plastic eggs with money for our Easter egg hunt.   I've been shopping for clothes for 4 peole for 2 weddings, helped with speeches and unlimited homework, gone to the gym, (though not nearly enough) and had my hard drive crash.   I backed my car up into a landscaping truck and shattered my back windshield, And around the time of the Oscar's I knew I was developing yet another in-grown toe nail.  I could hear the Podiatrist's words clear in my head "as soon as you start to get an in-grown toe nail, come in and we'll take care of it for you before it gets infected."  Oh yah, I heard the words but I ignored them; not because I didn't want to go to the doctor, but because I didn't want to pay the $40 co-pay.  So I tried to heal myself; and I'm sure you know what happened.  I wound up in the Podiatrist's office and I was as embarrassed as could be.  I decided that I would take one of my kids with me, because I was very nervous and I thought that I would put on a braver face if one of them was there.  I also thought that I'd feel comforted having one of them with me.  We talked about it and deduced that Nicky couldn't be the one to go because he cries when I get upset.  Lyndzi interestingly enough had no interest in going, but Kelsie stepped right up and volunteered.    Kelsie grabbed a pack of M& M's, (which I told her she couldn't eat until AFTER we were done at the doctor's office) and we were on our way.  While we were in the examining room Kelsie pulled out her pack of M&M's and when I reminded her that she had to wait to eat them, she started to get ornery..  I explained that the examining room was sanitary and not a place to eat; to which she responded by pouting.  The wonderful Dr. Moyer came in and I told him how nervous and emabarrassed I was, but he put me right at ease.  He told me that he was going to give me a shot to numb my toe and the rest would be a piece of cake.  I reminded him about my HUGE fear of needles and he was as gentle as could be.  Once the doctor left the room so I could numb up; much to my surprise Kelsie started to cry.  She couldn't exlpain exactly why; but nonetheless she was crying.  The nurse came in and assured her that I was going to be fine and that the worst part was over; but she just kept crying.  The nurse then asked her if she wanted a cookie and Kelsie gave me a very dubious look.  I told her that she could have it, and the next thing I knew, the nurse handed Dr.Moyer a couple of cookies and a couple of Red Vines and asked him to give them to Kelsie.  Suffice it to say that she stopped crying and sat happy as a clam eating her treats, all the while giving me that "told you so" look.    Dr. Moyer removed the in-grown toe nail and told me that there was a 95% chance that it would not grow back. Well I can probably start writing THAT blog now... 
So basically my plan to save $40 wound up costing me $80 since of course there was a follow up visit, but I must say that I have recovered beautifully; SO much so that  this past friday I actually went for my first pedicure since December.   I  was SO proud of myself becuase I got online and looked for reviews of places in my area.  (This is NOT something that I typically do; but BOY am I glad that I did.)  I found a place called Model Nails, not very far from my house (67th & Peoria for those of you who are local to me.)  The reviews raved about the owners / sisters Tracy and Lisa  and how they took their time with each customer and made them feel special.  They also mentioned Tracy's beautiful artwork but cautioned patrons that you rarely got to pick YOUR design; as Tracy typically decided what to give you.  Well, I thought this sounded perfect for me.  I gave them a call and was in their shop within the hour.  I had told Tracy that my feet were in bad shape and in need of a lot of repair; but she didn't agree with me, or grimace or scoff or make me feel bad.  She just said "we'll take care of it."  I felt so comfortable, so at ease, so grateful that I had found a shop where I didn't have to keep apologizing for my feet.  I told her about my 2 in-grown toe nail experiences, and the dislocated joint, and the Scary feet story; and she just sympathized.  We were nearing the end of the pedicure and Tracy asked if I wanted a flower.  Of course I said yes; and much to my delight she pulled out a couple of little boxes with sample designs.  I chose a beautiful rose and she politely said "NO."  she explained that because the December in-grown toe nail toe nail had not fully grown back yet, the design would call more attention to it.  She then picked out the design that I was to have and I thought this was hysterical.  Here you pick, nope you can't have that; I'll pick.  Guess that reviewer was right - but I don't care.  Model nails is the place for me!!

Now, the reason that I was so anxious to get a pedicure; besides for the fact that my  feet looked like I had just crawled out of a cave; was because I had my cousin's wedding to go to on Sunday.  It took me forever to find something to wear ( which is yet another EXCUSE for not writing my blog).  Wedding clothes shopping had taken over our lives for 2 weeks; so wedding shopping accounts for 2 missed blogs (if you're keeping track.)  Ok, so I got something to wear, and I was under the impression that I had shoes; but when I tried them on, my feet hurt.  It was now the day before the wedding and I was IN TROUBLE as that allusive size 12 shoe was nowhere to be found.  I put my thinking cap on and remembered that I had a pair of red sandals that I loved, that would work with my skirt and top if only I  had a red tank top; so I spent a whole $3, picked up a red tank at Walmart and my outifit looked GOOD!  I was so excited about the whole "Red" thing because in May we're going to my sister-in-laws wedding in Mexico and I bought my girls these BEAUTIFUL black and white dresses that have a red ribbon and I  thought we'd now look very coordinated.   WELL, as you know, nothing goes smoothly where I'm involved and this morning when I went to the kitchen to get some water, I found that my dog, (who has never destroyed a shoe in her life) ruined one of my red sandals.  I couldn't believe it - although I don't know why I was surprised.  I was dumbfounded at first, then angry; but in the long run I love my dog so I tried to justify her behavior.  Maybe she's a fashion dog.  Maybe she thought that I was mistaken to wear the red sandals and the only way that she could save me from myself was to destroy the shoe.  Maybe she saved me, just like she saved this blog by giving me the perfect ending to my neverending feet saga.  What can I say; one way or another these feet of mine are nothing but trouble.

Till next time...

Queen of Everything

Scary Feet

I have previously written of the various problems with my feet; but just in case they are not at the forefront of your mind or you have not taken "The Bumpy Ride" before, I will remind you:

1. I have very long feet. Size 12 (OK, probably 12 1/2 in a perfect shoe world.)

2. I have extremely narrow feet - Quadruple A.

3. I have a hammer toe.

4. I have flat feet.

5. I have a slight fungus on one of my big toes.

6. I recently suffered a joint dislocation to the aforementioned hammer toe.

7. I frequently suffer from in-grown toe nails.

On other occasions I've written about embarrassing pedicures, premature pedicure ruination, difficulty finding shoes, accidentally going out in public wearing 2 different shoes, and my hammer toe injury and NO, this is not becoming an ALL FOOT blog; but all of this information is pertinent to my latest foot fiasco; which of course I have to share with you.

The other night some friends and I went over to our friend Lisa B's house to scrapbook. We hadn't seen or spoken to each other in quite some time, so a good portion of the evening was spent catching up. Lesa G and I were planning our much needed return to the gym and of course I had to justify my exercise sabbatical by recounting the story of my injured toe, for those who weren't up to date on may ailment. The discussion of my toe and my visits to the Podiatrist inspired others to tell of their Podiatric pasts. I learned that many of them (or their family members) had been plagued by in-grown toe nails and once they told me how they were permanently removed, I felt an extraordinary sense of relief; because it seems that after almost every pedicure I develop an in-grown toe nail that hurts like a mother trucker; and alas, THERE IS A CURE IN SITE.

The topic of in-grown toe nails prompted me to tell the ladies the following story; which they asked me to repeat, over and over and over again; thus leading me to conclude that THIS was a story that I needed to blog.

We had been planning to go to Disneyland for Lyndzi's birthday, and for about a week or two prior to our trip, we had been experiencing particularly cold weather for this part of the country. The temperature concerned me because I thought that I would have to wear closed toe shoes in the park (as opposed to flip flops) and in addition to closed toe shoes not being conducive to my injured toe; it was going to be very difficult for me to wear them because of the excruciating pain that I was experiencing in one of my big toes, due to a in-grown toe nail. I had told Luis about my toe and he agreed to try and take care of it for me, but we never seemed to find the time for that; so Queen of HIGH PAIN TOLERANCE that I am, sucked it up and went on. I made it through our day at Disney, but by the next day my affliction was even worse. I remebered that In May when I had gone to California for Rachel' Ks birthday, I had a pedicure with Kim; (who Rachel sees regularly;) and since we were going to be spending the night at Rachel's, I asked her to call Kim to see if she could get me an appointment; as I thought that a trusted and experienced nail technician could at least alleviate some of discomfort. And although I knew that her treatment would not be the same as going to a Podiatrist, I was willing to endure anything to get some relief. Thankfully Kim was able to see me, and so Rachel, Hershey and I went for my appointment. First I explained that she was going to have to be very careful with my injured toe, because it was still very painful; then I went on to tell her about the in-grown toe nail and lastly I apologized profusely for the overall condition of my feet, because they kind of looked like I had just crawled out of a cave.

Kim got to work on the in-grown and although it was as painful as I expected; I let out a HUGE sigh of relief when she was done. She then looked at the heels of my feet and asked every pedicurists favorite question (please read this in your best Vietnamese accent...) "You want callous remova?" I said "No thank you" and (get your accent on,) Kim replied "Your husband must scream when he get in bed with you at night, because your feet so scary!" Oh my God, did Rachel and I laugh. And, no, I wasn't even insulted because at that point I was so indebted for her help that she could have told me that Sasquatch had nothing on me, and I wouldn't have cared. Nonetheless, I offered my defense by saying that I am VERY hard on my feet. That I have very big feet which makes it difficult for me to find comfortable / fashionable shoes and so I typically wear flip flops which are not the best hygienically speaking and when I wasn't in flip flops I was bare footed and so even when I had gotten the callous remover in the past; within 2 days my feet were back to looking "scary" anyway; so I wanted to save the $5 for a flower instead. And, so we moved on. Kim asked if I wanted to have a manicure too, and though I had no nails to speak of, I told her that I was so grateful for her help and her time that other than a back wax, she could do whatever else she wanted. And so, with Hershey on my lap, Kim completed my pedicure, gave me a lovely manicure, and asked if I wanted my eyebrows waxed. I agreed and I laid down on the table, only to have Kim ask (accent please) "You never wax eyebrows before?" Oh my, that's 2. I assured her that I did get my eyebrows waxed, I just hadn't done so very recently. I took a big ole gulp of my pride and tried to relax; but Hershey was crying while Rachel was trying to hold her for me, and so I conceded to allow Hershey to lay on my stomach while Kim ripped the excess hair from my brows.

I left Kim's feeling like a new woman. My toe was already doing a million times better, my nails looked splendid and my eyebrows were refreshed. I'd say that was all worth the price of my plight.

Till next time...

Queen of EVERYTHING