(43-341) "HOME"

The very best thing about my 43rd year (other than surviving it), has been that I've formed a beautiful relationship with my cousin Jackie and her family.  I've told you before that Jackie is more like my sister than a cousin, and in the seven months that I've known her, she's brought an abounding love and contentment to my life.

Jackie and I are in communication one way or another on a daily basis and even though we're going to New York together on the 28th, we wanted to have a family visit as well.  Luis and I thought that it would be special to spend our anniversary and July 4th weekend with Jackie and her husband, Gene, so we drove to California  yesterday so that we could all be together.

Since I lost my parents so many years ago, I haven't had a "home" to go home to; so whenever Luis and I would go to Puerto Vallarta, I would say that we were going "home."  But, I now feel like even though I'm not from where Jackie lives, and I'd never been there before a few months ago; wherever I see Jackie, that's "home."

I've told you repeatedly that I have the most fantastic friends; and I'm so fortunate because they all go out of their way to make me feel welcome and comfortable in their homes.  Needless to say I'm so very appreciative of that; but their is a feeling in my heart when I'm with Jackie, that I've NEVER felt before.  There's an unspoken reassurance, an understanding, a commonality, a kinship, an acceptance and a love that I can only imagine comes from knowing that she's my family; and for once, I feel like I truly belong somewhere.  Amazingly enough, I can see the same reaction from Luis and my kids; and it is so comforting to know that they feel the same way too. 

We didn't want to make any big plans for this weekend.  No theme parks, or special activities; just family time at home.  We swam,played Scrabble, and just spent time enjoying each other's company and I don't think that any of us would have wanted it any other way.

I am a firm believer in expressing my gratitude.  If you're a regular rider, then you know that I thank my family, I thank my friends, and I thank my readers on a very regular basis; and I do so because I think that if there's something that makes your life special, then you should show your appreciation for it as often as possible; because sadly, you never know when that something might be gone.  So thank you to my cousin, Jackie and her family for embracing me and my family with open arms and making our lives so much richer. And thank you to you, for taking the time to join me on "The Bumpy Ride."
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-181) An Immediate Connection

When I wrote "What's Going On..." I told you that Lyndzi had been sick for a few days; and I really want to thank everyone that's expressed their care and concern.  I took Lyndzi to Urgent care on Sunday, because I didn't want to wait until Monday to get her treatment.  She was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection and they're treating her for Bronchitis too; due to her Asthma.  She's been taking steroids, antibiotics and breathing treatments; and she is starting to feel better, but I was told to keep her home on Monday; at the least.

We're a very snuggly, cuddly, family; and that is especially true when someone isn't feeling well.  Lyndzi likes me to sit next to her and comfort her while she's having her breathing treatments; and I'm more than happy to do so; which is why I used a sick day today.  Since I work from home the majority of the week, it is often difficult to justify needing a sick day; but I knew that Lyndzi needed my undivided attention and I was not going to deny her.

I got Nicky and Kelsie off to school, and once Lyndzi awoke we began her breathing treatments and medication.  After 24 hours on the steroids, she seemed to be doing a little better, so I suggested the possibility of taking a  ride to meet our cousin Becky, (Jackie's daughter;) at The Cheesecake Factory (where she works) and Lyndzi very much wanted to go.  Now I know that a lot of parents wouldn't have done this; and that's ok; I felt I was justified.  First off, Lyndzi wasn't contagious, secondly, she LOVES school, so I had no reason to fear that she would seek additional days off, expecting lunch and outings; and lastly, Becky's Grandpa (my Uncle Harry) was having surgery today, and we expected to receive the results at the time that Lyndzi and I would have been with her; and I wanted to be able to lend our support if the outcome hadn't been good ~ so we went.

When I wrote "Just What I Needed..."  I told you about how I found my cousin Jackie on Facebook; and I shared that her daughter, Becky; lived right here in Arizona ~ but, our surprise visit to her today was also our first.  Lyndzi and I walked in to The Cheesecake Factory and asked the hostess for Becky.  Someone went to get her; and as she approached the hostess station, I recognized her from her Facebook pictures, but she clearly had no idea who I was.  The hostess told her that I was the one who had asked for her; and once she came over to me, I said "Hi, I'm Paige;" and she gave me a huge hug.  I then introduced Lyndzi and they hugged as well.  I told her that Lyndzi and I had taken a sick day, so we thought we would come see her; and she was very happy that we did.  She asked us to stay for lunch; and we gratefully accepted.  OK foodie friends; I know you want to know what we ate; and ya know I hate to disappoint; SO... Lyndzi ordered the kids pasta Alfredo, (which I tasted and it was DELICIOUS;) and I ordered the grilled eggplant sandwich, which I had considered on several previous visits to the Cheesecake Factory; but since I had never been there for lunch before; I thought this seemed like the perfect opportunity to try it.  In addition to the grilled eggplant, the sandwich had roasted red peppers, grilled Bermuda onions and a garlic aioli.  I chose a salad, instead of fries; and it came with a fabulous vinaigrette; which I really enjoyed.  Becky was able to sit down with us a couple of times; and we discussed our upcoming trip to Disneyland next month; and how excited we all were to be going together. We discussed where we live in relation to each other; and I told Becky that our house was her house and that she was always welcome.  We talked about soccer and swimming, and Just Dance, for the Wii.  We discussed "Master Chef" and "Iron Chef," and taking a trip together to Sedona, when her mom comes out for a visit. And then, Becky said the magic words, that I'm sure Lyndzi was elated to hear; "Would you like some cheesecake?"  I said that Lyndzi could get a piece to take home and share with Nicky and Kelsie; and Becky said, "well, let's get a couple;" and she whisked Lyndzi away to the bakery.  When Lyndzi returned to the table, she was very excited to tell me that the baker asked if she was Becky's sister; and Becky said "no, she's my cousin."  THIS made Lyndzi's day; and we discussed it quite extensively, both at the table and after we left.    Lyndzi said "I'm not sure why that comment made me so happy;" and I suggested that there was something very special about having an immediate connection with a relative that you'd never met before.  I went on to say that Becky really was a stranger; but by virtue of being related to us; we immediately loved and accepted her; and we wanted her to do the same; and that's exactly what she did.

After saying goodbye to Becky, Lyndzi and I left, hand in hand and very happy.  Lyndzi said "I bet I know what your blog is going to be about tonight;" and I said "I think that's a great idea."  As poorly as Lyndzi had been feeling, I know that meeting Becky really lifted her spirits.  We are both so thankful to have our new cousins in our lives and we look forward to getting to know them better and better.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-126) Wanted At Last

I don't typically think of myself as unusual; but the other day I was watching a DVR'd episode of "The Talk," and they were discussing the fact that Rosie O'Donnell thought that she might have breast cancer.  They went on to discuss how Rosie was only ten when her mom had passed away from breast cancer; and they went on to talk about how much their own mom's meant to them.  They each said that they couldn't imagine what their wedding days would have been like had their mom's not been there; and it was at that very moment, that I thought, hmm; maybe I am a little unusual.

I absolutely hated the fact that neither of my parents (ESPECIALLY, my mom;)  could be with me (physically) on my wedding day, and even worse; it breaks my heart to know that she will never get to know my children nor will they they ever have the benefit of knowing her.  I know that she would have just adored them; and that their lives would have been all the better for having had her in it.  So, needless to say, I was a bit sad; after listening to their conversation and relating my own experiences.  But last night, not only did my cousin Jackie call me; but her Mom and dad did as well; and I felt a kinship that I have honestly, never known.

My aunt and uncle were calling to share some good news that my Uncle had gotten while at the doctor's and I was so touched that they included me.  My aunt told me that my uncle had asked her if they should call me; and she said "Of course.  She's family."  I thanked her sincerely and she told me that they loved me and that they were so happy to be in my life."  

Jackie and I spoke afterwards; and we just chattered and giggled like life long friends; and I'm certain that the smile that was in my heart, was just as big (if not bigger) than the one that was plastered across my face.  Jackie and I discussed possible visits (amongst other things;) and she welcomed my family to come to her home.  Jackie knew that we'd been considering taking a Disney trip and she told me that if we stayed at her house we could just leave very early to get down to Disney.  She then said "and I'm coming with you of course."  To which I replied, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

I'm always very excited after I talk to Jackie; because she makes me feel wanted; in a very different way than Luis and my kids do.  With the absence of my parents and my extended family; I felt very alone for many, many years; and I don't feel that way anymore.  It now seems possible that I can have a connection to the family that I lost; and maybe put some of the pieces of my ancestry back together.  After all, how can you know where you're going, if you don't know where you came from?

Jackie instant messaged me on Facebook tonight, right after I had instant messaged her daughter, Becky.  I was having fabulous chats with both of them, and couldn't help but think to myself that not so long ago, I never could have imagined that this would be possible.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again; sometimes, the universe just gives you what you need.  I waited a REALLY long time, to get what I needed; but maybe the universe knew that  my 43rd year, would be exactly when I needed my family most. 

I am overjoyed and ever so gratified by the love and positive energy that Jackie and her family are bringing into my life.  I can truly say that I am moved beyond words; and for me, that is big! (Say it with me;) HUGE! 

You know, I don't like to be all preachy about certain topics (CERTAIN topics I said;) but I am going to recommend that if you are fortunate enough to have family that make your world a better and safe place for you; give them a great, BIG, hug the next time that you see them; and let them know how blessed you feel to have them in your life; before it's too late.  Also, savor every minute and be grateful for the time you have.
Till next time..
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-10) Acceptance

It's just after 1PM, and I've already had a mind expanding day.  I've learned some very valuable lessons, and although they have not been pleasant; they were necessary!    Even though I've never personally been in a 12 step program of any type; I am finding comfort in the words of the serenity prayer "God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference."  I now understand that even though you're being a good friend if you want more for your friend than they want for themself;  a circumstance like this is a waste of your time and energy.  I've been reminded that when someone shows you who they are; you should believe them AND that if someone REPEATEDLY does the same things, even though they say they want to do things differently; they are NEVER going to change; despite your good intentions and repeated offers of help.  It makes me sad to say that I've learned these lessons today; but at the same time, it gives me clarity about how I should proceed in the future.
In the interest of preserving this person's privacy (and you need to read that word with an English accent and a short i because it just sounds so much better to me that way;)  I know that these statements must sound very vague; but the truth is that you don't really need to know all of the details of what brought me to these realizations, in order to benefit from them; which is of course why I've shared what I have. 
In order to be the best people that we can be, we must grow from both our positive and negative experiences.  We must continue to keep learning about who we are, what we need and what our limitations are when it comes to being there for ourselves and for others.  As for me, I surprisingly feel a great sense of peace and relief; and I'm making a list of the friends that I need to give great big hugs to when I see them.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING