(43-345) INDEPENDENCE

This month's kit theme at Scrapbooking from the Inside Out is INDEPENDENCE.  Not the kind of Independence that we celebrate on the fourth of July, but the kind that should be celebrated every day.  The ability to be our own person, stand on our own two feet and to succeed based on our own merit.

Rachel wrote a fabulous post about the Independence kit for the Creating Keepsakes blog and I highly recommend that you check it out.  If you leave a comment, you'll actually have the opportunity to win this fabulous kit, in addition to gaining some great perspective.

After reading Rachel's article, I reflected on my own independence.  Unlike most, independence was not something that I opted for.  Instead, it chose me.  Since I lost both my mom and dad by the time I was 19, I had no choice but to make my own way.  Sure I had friends to encourage and love me, but I had no safety net.  No security, no one who was going to tell me what I had to or needed to do in order to take care of myself.  I just had to wing it.

From an outsider's view, I suppose I would have appeared very independent; but I knew the truth.  I kept wishing, hoping, searching for some guy to take care of me.  Not to tell me what to do, but to make me feel important, worthwhile, and loved.  It was my desire to be validated by another person that truly meant that I was not independent, because my belief in myself was not enough for me.  And I believe that this is true for most women.

RuPaul is known for saying "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"  And I couldn't agree more.  I know so many people who will tell others that they like themselves, they love themselves, but just because they can say the words, it doesn't make it true.  You have to know that you can and will be happy regardless of if you have a partner to share your life with; as a partner is not a guarantee.  And if you spend your life searching for one, you may miss out on some of the most fantastic experiences that would have been just as spectacular with or without someone to share it with.

Trust me when I tell you that I'm speaking from experience.  I can look back now at some of the schmo's that I dated and convinced myself were "the one."  Quite honestly, I even had a bit of a nervous breakdown at the end of my senior year of college because my boyfriend had broke up with me and I had really believed that we were in it for the long haul.  I kept thinking that he was supposed to be my happily ever after, and if I blew it then I would never be happy.  It wasn't until several weeks later that I had an epiphany and realized that if he didn't stay with me, then he couldn't have been "the one", and I still had a chance at finding my Prince Charming.  How sad is that?  I mean bravo for me figuring this out on my own, but yet I was headed back to the drawing board in my all important quest for security, which I had been providing for myself all along (but didn't realize it at the time.)  

I love Disney movies as much as the next person, but all this talk about Princes rescuing the damsels in distress is really setting up our daughters to believe that every girl needs a man to rescue them, to complete them, in order to live happily ever after; and that's just not true.  I know a lot of happy, single women who are doing great things with their lives.  Do they wish that they had a partner?  Perhaps, but they don't let that stop them from living full and rewarding lives.

On the other hand, I also know many women who were like me.  They wanted to believe that "someone" loved them, and that they would show them how much they loved them by committing the rest of their lives to them, but then ultimately they got divorced because they really weren't right for each other.

By the time I met Luis, I believe that I was independent which is why we were able to have a successful relationship.  I had already decided the ways in which I was going to move ahead in my life, regardless of having a boyfriend or husband and I figured out what was going to make ME happy.

In true Bumpy Ride fashion, I've gone all around the mulberry bush with this one.  So what's my point?  Well, it's that if you are not your own person, you can never really be someone else's.  You need to walk the walk not just talk the talk.  Because if you were faking your independence, and your self-confidence, it will leave room for others to control you rather than respect you. It will not turn out to be exactly what you're searching for, because you were looking way too hard.  In order to have a truly rewarding relationship, whether it be with a partner or with a friend, I honestly believe that one must be independent in both words and actions. 
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING                                     

                                                                                 

(43-343) There Are No Words

I don't like feeling helpless.  I'm not comfortable with feeling out of control and it is crucial that I make the ones that I love feel better.  Yet, when sickness and death are involved; we are all helpless.  We are all out of control, and there truly is nothing that any of us can say to make our loved one feel better.  Life is beautiful and yet cruel.  We build relationships with family, friends, pets, co-workers, and yet we are supposed to accept their illness or loss and just go on with our lives...  We all know that's not true.

My father was the first person that I personally knew who passed away and his passing was totally unexpected.  Yes, he'd been sick; but I had no idea that it was as serious as it actually was, and the fact that I'd been estranged from my mom for two years, just made the situation that much more precarious.  Things were complicated and no one really knew what to say to me, and at the age of 15 I just accepted that.

Just three years later when my mom's cancer came back and she started to get sick, I found that friends withdrew from me because they didn't know what to say or how to comfort me since death and such circumstances were something that was unfamiliar to them.  The truth of the matter is that someone who is suffering doesn't need you to have the perfect words, they just need your love and support and empathy and time.  No one can expect that someone else is going to have the magic words to make you feel all better, because those words don't exist. 

There are no words that can stop our loved ones from hurting in such situations, and really, NO ONE expects us to have them.  All that we can tell those who are suffering or nearing a loss is that we love and care for them, and that we are so sorry that they are hurting.  I know that it will make you feel helpless and out of control but there are some things that are just bigger than us.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-327) Happy Father's Day!

If you've read "The Bumpy Ride" before, then you probably know that I didn't / don't have a very high opinion of my father; which is why when I refer to him, I call him by his name (Richie Howell) instead of saying my dad.  Richie Howell was (as you may remember) a Private Investigator; and he worked  A LOT.  He travelled often for business, and I never got the feeling that being a father was high on his list of priorities.  In his defense, this could be because he himself didn't have a father for very long.  His parents divorced when he was only three, and his dad passed away at the age of 43, when RH was just 13.  The only thing that his father,Wolf Howell, (YES, you read that correctly - Wolf Howell), left him with was the belief that he too was going to pass away at the age of 43 - and he did.

I suppose that having a father like Richie Howell just makes me that much more appreciative of all the great dads that I'm privileged to know; starting with my husband, Luis.  So on this Father's day, I'm sending out a big (yes) HUGE thank you to all the dads who coach one of their kid's sports teams, change a baby's diaper, cook a meal, mow the lawn, go to the store, fix something that's broken, lend an ear, give someone a hug, tuck someone in, play at the playground, water park or pool.  All those dad's who do homework, go to concerts, banquets, sporting events, dance recitals, kid's movies, watch cartoons, play the Wii, or PlayStation, or Chess, or Monopoly.  All those dad's who take the time to teach their kid's how to fish, or bake, or clean or throw.  Thank you to all those dad's who let their kids have a dog even if they don't want one.  Those who cheer for their kids in hundred degree weather or freezing cold.  Those who love their kids enough to tell them no when need be and those that say yes when feasible.  Thank you to all those dad's who make a child feel loved and safe and confident and happy.
Happy father's day to ALL THOSE DADS; especially my husband, Luis!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-285) A Love Song For My Family

Even though it's the designated day to show your appreciation for your mom,  we didn't make any special plans today.  I didn't feel the need to do anything differently than I usually do on Sunday, because luckily for me EVERY DAY feels like Mother's Day.  EVERY DAY my children let me know how much they love me and how important I am to them.

Luis and my kid's acknowledged Mother's day from the moment I got up, by giving me cards and well wishes; and that was more than enough for me.  I ran some errands with my kids, and then dropped Nicky and our Trader Joe's purchase off at home, before proceeding to Fry's with my girls. 

While we were at Fry's they were playing Celine Dion's "Because you loved me,"  and I swear, I listened and I almost started crying right there in the paper towel aisle; because I thought, "This is EXACTLY how I feel about Luis and my kids.  I am everything that I am, because they love me."

When I met Luis I was thoroughly alone, and knowing that he loved me, made me feel safe, and gave me the courage to become the person, the wife and the mom that I am now.  As for my kids, being THEIR mom, loving them and having them love me, has made me the person that I was meant to be.

To express my deepest gratitude to Luis, Nicky, Lyndzi and Kelsie this Mother's day, it's my pleasure to share  Celine Dion's "Because you loved me."
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-282) In Honor Of Mothers

A couple of days ago I was on Facebook and I noticed that my friend Andrew had changed his profile picture to one of him and his mom, and in his status, he posted "Passing along the idea to honor our Mothers by including them in our profile pictures and keeping it until Monday May 9. So change your profile picture to a picture of your mother (or you & your mother). If you like this idea, please post as your status so everyone gets the word and see how many beautiful mothers we can get on FB! "  I have to admit that when I saw this I thought that it was incredibly sweet, but it also made me feel a little sad, because I have so few pictures of my mom; and I wanted to share one.

Well, yesterday I remembered that I had once posted an old picture of my mom and Richie Howell, right here on "The Bumpy Ride," so I grabbed it up and changed my Facebook profile picture after all. Now I know that I've shown this pic before, but just like I've posted my picture of me and Maks on more than one occasion, I'm going to share this one again as well, because it's such a beauty.

It would be very easy for me to get depressed about Mother's day and missing my mom; but I'm not going to do that.  Instead, since I'm certain that my mom would prefer for me to have a smile on my face while remembering her; I'm choosing to share some quotes about mothers.  Some funny, some profound and ALL true.

“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” ~Tenneva Jordan

 "Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."
~Ambrose Bierce

"There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own."  ~ Robert Brault

"Mother's love grows by giving." ~ Charles Lamb

"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it."  ~Buddy Hackett

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." ~ Phyllis Diller

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take." ~ Cardinal Mermillod

“A mother understands what a child does not say.” ~ Jewish Proverb

“There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one"
~ Jill Churchill

"Loving a child doesn't mean giving in to all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult." ~ Nadia Boulanger
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-276) Food Tidings

There are numerous reasons that I consider myself to be a profoundly, blessed woman; and amongst them, I include each and every one of my phenomenal friends.  Since my parents passed away when I was a teen and I had little to no interaction with my extended family; my friends have always been extraordinarily important to me, and I cherish them all.

Although I've mentioned several of my friends in previous posts, you know that there are certain local friends of mine that you hear about more often than others; and one of them, is my amazing friend, Mari.   I've dedicated a number of blogs to extolling Mari's virtues and raving about her talents and trust me when I tell you that I've only addressed the tip of the iceberg.

I last mentioned Mari when I wrote "Oh Scrappy Day!!!" I explained that Mari couldn't join us at the scrapbook convention because her 18 year old daughter had to have surgery just two days prior and she was still in the hospital.  I wrote that post on April 16, and sadly, Mari's daughter has yet to leave the hospital.  Incredible mom that she is, Mari has barely left her side; but she does still have a husband and three other children at home.  I have extended myself to Mari and her family, as I would do anything to try and make things easier for them at this time; but to date Mari has asked for nothing other than her friend's prayers.

I've felt useless.  I've wanted to find a way to help and thanks to Mari's friend Cheryl, I now know how to.  A few days ago I received an email from Cheryl (who I don't know,) and it was an invitation to sign up on Food Tidings so that we could provide meals to Mari's family in her absence.  Foodtidings.com is "a place to manage meals for your family & friends in need!"  It was "designed to help eliminate some of the time and confusion in coordinating a meal schedule;"  and I was so happy to receive an invitation to assist Mari, and her family; until I experienced the discombobulation that I referenced in "ROYALLY Messed Up..."

I was so eager to participate, that I signed up for the first available date, which happened to be the third date on the list.  I knew that my schedule for the next two weeks was going to be a lil busier than usual but I really thought that I would be able to provide dinner on Tuesday 5/3, so I signed up to bring roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and a vegetable.  A while later when I went to write this down on my refrigerator calendar, I was dismayed to discover that bringing a dinner on Tuesday would be an impossibility for me, because both Nicky and Lyndzi are scheduled for Orthodontist appointments at 330 and Lyndzi and Kelsie both have a school concert at 6.  I was very embarrassed about my error and I mustered up the courage to email Cheryl to see if she could switch days with me so that I could bring a meal on Monday (when she was scheduled to.)  Cheryl was very nice when she emailed me back, but she said that she was confused because the family had not requested a meal for Monday since they were going out to eat for Mari's other daughter's birthday.  I apologized profusely for my mistake and for coming off unbelievably flaky; and I told her that I would just schedule a different day.  Sure enough, when I checked the sign-up sheet again, I found that even though Cheryl had signed up for the first date, it wasn't May 2, it was April 28th.  AGHHH!  I'm not comfortable with being so inattentive.  And yes, I know that I'm trying to do a good thing and I didn't make a mistake on purpose, and I should cut my self some slack; but this is me we're talking about, and I just don't do that.  Anyway, I removed my May 3rd menu and selected another day, on which I'll bring Baked ziti with ground beef, salad and bread. 

In the big scheme of things, my little goof up isn't worth a second thought compared to what Mari and her family are going through.  I have such admiration for their strength, courage and love; and it will be my pleasure to bring them meals and lend my support any way that I can.

Although many of you only know Mari through my blog; I'm going to ask that you all say a prayer for her and her family, as there is great strength in numbers.  As always, in the interest of (say it with me,) "The Greater Good," I encourage you to visit Foodtidings.com if you know someone who is in need of the comfort of a meal.
Till next time..
Queen of EVERYTHING  

(43-268) Love Gives You Courage

If you've read "The Bumpy Ride" before, then you know that all three of my kids do swim team in the summer.  All three kids are skilled swimmers; however, to date Lyndzi (my 9 year old daughter) has enjoyed the most success.  Lyndzi is an extremely fast swimmer, and she's just lovely to watch.  Kelsie is very good for a 7 year old, but she isn't quite the swimmer that Lyndzi was at that age; and although Nicky (almost 12) is VERY precise; he does need to work on his speed.  All three kids have been taking a swim team prep class for the past three weeks.  Nicky and Lyndzi practice in the same group (9-13 years)  and Kelsie practices with the younger group (5-8 years.)

Swimming has been going well.  The kids are all starting to rebuild their endurance and get back in shape; but most importantly, they really enjoy it.  They swim Monday through Thursday and I must say that yesterday Lyndzi was in super competitive mode.  The   coach had even told me how great she thought Lyndzi was doing and how much she enjoyed watching her.  It seemed like Nicky was having a good day too.  We noticed that he had swam his last lap a lot faster than usual; but when they got out of the pool, I could tell that something was wrong.  I asked Lyndzi what was the matter and she told me that she was mad at this girl (that I'll call Brenda, for the sake of this post.)  Now I'm not a fan of Brenda's to begin with.   Whenever she sees me, she gives me this phony little smile, and I don't trust her; so needless to say, I was very interested to hear why Lyndzi was mad at her, since I've never heard her say such a thing about anyone but Kelsie before.  Lyndzi explained that they had swam a lap and she finished first, then Brenda, and when Nicky finished, Brenda told Nicky that he was slow.  Lyndzi said "I didn't think that was nice and I told her that it was a very rude thing to say, and that she should apologize to my brother.  She said that she already apologized, but she wasn't sincere and she gave him this fake smile.  I don't like how she treated Nicky, and so I'm mad at her."

I was so proud of Lyndzi for sticking up for Nicky.  And what I find truly amazing is the courage that love gave her.  If the situation had been different, and Brenda would have been rude to Lyndzi; I don't believe that Lyndzi would have stood up for herself.  But with as much as Lyndzi loves Nicky, she couldn't help but come to his defense.  Truth be told, she probably didn't even think twice about it.  Her love for Nicky gave her the courage to stand up for him and I think that's beautiful.  Nicky surely could have spoken for himself, but  Lyndzi didn't even want him to have to.  I love how connected and protective they are over each other.  As a mom, it is a great reward, and gives me confidence that they will look out for each other, when I can't be there to do it. 
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-247) My Real Life Love Story

Call me crazy, but when I told you in "My Something Special," that I had entered the "Glamour Magazine" Essay Contest, I really did believe that I had the winning story.  I submitted my entry in September, and waited patiently, as the rules stated that the essays would not be read until on or about February 1, 2011.  I had no idea how long it might take them to read all of the submissions and chose a winner, so even up until a couple of days ago, I still remained optimistic.  At the beginning of this week I decided that ignorance was definitely not bliss;  so I checked to see if they had announced a winner somewhere, and surely they had.; but obviously, it wasn't me.  I was disappointed to hear that I hadn't won; but I'm not going to let it stop me.  I am choosing to believe that my rejection does not mean no forever, just not right now.

I previously promised that if my essay did not win the contest, that I would share it once and for all, here on "The Bumpy Ride," where it really belongs.  I had considered waiting until July 2, since that's my wedding anniversary; but since we never know what tomorrow will bring or if there will be a tomorrow for that matter; I say, there's no time like the present.  So, without further ado, I am very happy to share my real life love story with you.

In November 1993, I was 26 years old, living in New York (where I was born and raised), working as a Social Worker at a Residential Treatment Center for emotionally disturbed children, and attending graduate school for my Masters degree in Community and School Psychology. I’d had an unusual life up until this time, as both of my parents had passed away by the time I was 19 years old, and shortly thereafter I lost my grandparents as well. I had a younger brother, but we were not close; and so my friends became my family.

Thanksgiving was approaching and in the years that followed my parents deaths, I found that the holiday didn’t hurt so much, if I spent it on vacation rather than with a friend’s family. My friend Stacy graciously agreed to sacrifice her family holiday and go on vacation with me.

In March of 1992 I had made my first trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico with my friend Hollie. The only thing that I knew about Puerto Vallarta, was that it was a “Love Boat” port; but the price of the trip was right, so I was willing to give it a try. On two earlier vacations I had gone to Cancun, but I thought that Vallarta was heaven on earth. I had never been to a place with so much to offer. Between the ocean, the mountains, the jungle and the colonial town with its cobblestone walkways, I found Puerto Vallarta captivating.

I made two more trips to Vallarta between May 1992 and May 1993 but Stacy was unable to join me either time. So, while we were planning our Thanksgiving trip, we felt certain that Puerto Vallarta should be our destination.  We spoke with several travel agents, but for some reason, no one was able to find us a good deal for Vallarta. We considered going anywhere and everywhere else, but nowhere appealed to us as much as Vallarta.

 The day had come when we HAD to make a decision about our vacation, and as luck would have it, a travel agent called with an offer that we couldn’t refuse. The agent had found packages for two beautiful properties, both for the same price. We just needed to decide which one to choose. Ultimately we booked the Sheraton Buganvilias because I remembered that my friend Kate, (who was very well traveled) had once told me that the Sheraton Buganvilias in Puerto Vallarta was the nicest hotel that she had ever stayed at.
 
Thanksgiving day was very low key and exactly what I had hoped for. We took a walk on the beach and relaxed by the Pool. Stacy decided to go back to our room and a little while later, I did the same. As I was walking through the lobby (make-up free and frizzy hair abounding;) I stopped dead in my tracks when I noticed the handsome, sales agent that was sitting at the National car rental desk. I took a moment to discreetly check him out and quickly took off for my room, before he’d had a chance to notice me.
As soon as I walked through the door, Stacy said “I SAW THE MOST PERFECT GUY FOR YOU.” I said, “I KNOW. ME, TOO.” And at the exact same time, we said “THE NATIONAL CAR RENTAL GUY!!“ Then Stacy said “You know that you have to meet him, right?” And we joked about how this might be accomplished. We showered and got ready to go out for the evening, and as we walked through the lobby there he was again. Stacy started clapping her hands and I was completely mortified. I asked her what she thought she was doing and she explained that she didn’t know how to whistle or snap and she was trying to get his attention.  I was desperate to leave the hotel immediately, but Stacy would not relent and she walked over to look at some plants. While pretending to be interested in the foliage, a timeshare lady (who sat right across from the car rental desk) called us over; and for proximity’s sake, we went. While the lady was offering us the moon and the stars, I glanced over my shoulder a couple of times, (okay, three times,) to look at the man of my dreams. Well, I guess three times really was a charm because he crooked his finger and called me over. Just as fast as if someone had lit a match under my butt I was sitting at the car rental desk, directly across from my heart’s desire. Luis introduced himself. He spoke perfect English though with a bit of an accent. He told me that he was from Vallarta, and that he was 28 years old. He also told me that his birthday was on Christmas day and I was flabbergasted, because Christmas was Stacy’s birthday too. I chatted nervously about the picture of the Yellow Geo Tracker that he had on his desk, because I had that exact same jeep at home, same color and all; and I thought that all of  these coincidences seemed quite unusual. Luis asked where we were going and I told him that we were going to have dinner and then go dancing and I invited him to join us. I don’t know what it was about Luis that made me so excited. I had dated very attractive men before and I didn’t usually have any trouble meeting guys but there was just something about Luis that sent my heart reeling from the get go.  Luis met us later that night after he’d finished working and it was the best time that I’d ever had. We danced, we talked, we walked through romantic Vallarta and for the first time in a long time, I truly felt that I had something to be thankful for. Luis was off from work the next day, so I didn’t see him at the hotel but he did call to ask me out that night. After our second incredible date I did something that I never thought I would do. I asked Luis (half joking) if he wanted to get married and come back to New York with me. Although many people may have been shocked by this question, Luis softly asked “You want to marry me?” And I said “I think so.” Luis then said “Well, I think that if you come back a few more times; I will marry you.” Crazy, I know but somehow it just felt like the right thing to do. Back in New York I was always on my guard and trying to figure everything out. I wasn’t happy at my job, and my personal life had been a bit of a mess. I don’t think that I had a chip on my shoulder about losing my parents so young; but up until that point, I didn’t think that life had treated me well. When I was with Luis I felt positive, and hopeful and safe; and these weren’t feelings that I was accustomed to. So, I got caught up in the moment and let my spontaneity get the better of me. I knew that most people would suspect that Luis just wanted a green card. But, I had to trust my heart and I KNEW that this wasn’t the case. Luis was one of six children (and the only one who spoke fluent English.) His family all resided in Vallarta and he had no interest in leaving, although he did have an interest in me. I told Luis that as a Social Worker I got four weeks vacation per year and I had quite a bit saved up. I told him that if he was serious about trying to have a relationship with me and if he was willing to commit to not date other girls, then I would come back in a few weeks to see him again and he fully agreed.

Saying good-bye to Luis was excruciating and I think that I cried all the way back to New York. I had finally come to understand why I felt so compelled to keep returning to Vallarta. It was because there was something there that I was meant to find.  Once I got home I couldn’t wait to tell my friends my exciting news. People were skeptical of course; but my friend, Hollie suggested that Luis and I apply for a fiancé visa. Hollie explained that if we were given the visa, Luis would get to come to the states for 90 days, but if we didn’t get married within that time, Luis would have to return to Mexico. I thought that the fiancé visa would give us the opportunity to get to know each other under real life circumstances as opposed to the fantasy of vacation and so I called Luis to see what he thought. Luis sounded happy to hear from me, but he told me that he had lied to me about something. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach and I was fearful of what he was going to tell me. I asked what he had lied about, and he explained that he wasn’t 28; he was actually 23. I asked why he lied, and he said “When I saw you, you stole my heart, but I knew that you were older than me and I didn’t think that you would take me seriously if you knew how old I was. So, I lied.” I asked if his birthday was really on Christmas and he said “No” I asked why he had lied about his birthday, and he wasn’t sure. I told him that I understood why he did it but that he could never lie to me again.  In all fairness though, I have to say that both lies actually worked to his advantage.  He was right. If I had known that he was only 23, I wouldn’t have taken him seriously. During our time together, he never gave me any reason to suspect that he was younger than what he had originally told me. Learning he was only 23 was not a deterrent to me. After lying about his birthday, it turned out that Luis was really a Scorpio, and I’d had other UNSUCCESSFUL relationships with Scorpio men in the past; so if I'd known that he was a Scorpio, I probably wouldn’t have given him a chance. Once we had moved past the lies and I could breathe again, I told Luis about the fiancé visa; and he said “Get the papers.”

In late January, Stacy and I returned to Vallarta again. Luis and I had been speaking on the phone at least once a week, in addition to writing each other letters. I couldn’t wait to see him. We had another amazing, week together, and we completed all of our paperwork to file for the fiancé visa. As difficult as it was to leave Luis the first time, the second time was even worse. As we drove to the airport, our cab driver asked if Luis was going with me. We said no and questioned why he was asking. The cab driver explained that he had picked us up from a club a few nights before and he couldn’t believe that Luis was letting me leave without him.
I went home and filed for our fiancé visa and Luis and I increased the frequency of our phone conversations, to the tune of $2000 phone bills for me. On St. Patrick’s Day I found out that our fiancé visa had been approved (after providing copies of our letters, our pictures, and a testimonial from Stacy). After giving them copies of my phone bills and flight and hotel receipts, the government had believed that Luis wanted to come to the states to marry me. And, so did I.  I started to think that I might be crazy. Was I honestly considering marrying a man that I had spent less than two weeks with? I decided that I had to go back to Vallarta to spend more time with Luis, and that this time, I had to go alone. So in April 1994, I went to Vallarta for two weeks and I fervently hoped that by the time I had to return to New York, Luis would have all of the necessary paperwork to come with me.
This trip was the best thing that I could have done, because instead of lounging by the pool and going to clubs, we were living our day to day life. Luis hadn’t officially proposed, but I sincerely believed that we were going to get married. I told Luis that Disney had started doing weddings and that it was something that we could plan via phone and fax; so that if we did decide to get married within the 90 days, we could have  a “REAL” wedding and not just a town hall ceremony. Luis told me to start planning the wedding. He explained that he didn’t want to propose to me until he was in New York and I saw for myself how much he wanted to be with me.

In addition to talking about the wedding, we had many serious conversations. We talked about religion, because I was Jewish and he was Catholic. We talked about children, and education and where we would live. We agreed that he would come to the states since he spoke fluent English and I didn’t speak fluent Spanish, but that someday (sooner than later,) we would move back to Vallarta. We spoke with his parents and his dad questioned me about my commitment to Luis. He wanted to make sure that I was taking this matter very seriously, since his son was going to be leaving his family and moving to another country to be with me. I assured him that I was going to take care of his son for better or worse. It all seemed like everything was happening so fast, and yet nothing was happening fast enough. And then one night we were taking a walk, and I suddenly felt a great sense of peace come over me, because I had a realization that changed my life. After both of my parents had passed away, I had a strong feeling that something very special was going to happen to me - something uncommon; something that others wouldn't experience. It’s wasn’t that I thought that I was owed anything; it was just a notion that I believed wholeheartedly and that I took great comfort in. At times I would wonder what that something special would be. Maybe I'd be the first woman President, or achieve an uncommon goal; but walking down the street hand in hand with Luis I finally knew what it was. I KNEW that Luis was MY SOMETHING SPECIAL and that we were going to have a love that was beyond compare. Luis’ paperwork did not arrive by the time I had to go home to New York; so once again I had to say good bye and leave Vallarta without him. Although it was painful, I left knowing that this time was different because within a few weeks, Luis would be flying to New York and we would be starting our life together.

 I planned a small, Fairy Tale wedding for July 2, at the Disney Yacht and Beach Club, with Stacy as my maid of honor. I moved into a one bedroom apartment; and I prepared for Luis to arrive. Luis and I spoke on the phone daily, and I couldn’t wait for him to get to New York; despite the cynics that surrounded me. Since Stacy was the only one who had met Luis; she tried to explain to people what she had witnessed between us; but our friends found it hard to believe.  Luis arrived in New York on May 12, 1994 and he proposed to me that night. We were married, as planned on July 2, 1994 in a beautiful ceremony, surrounded by my closest friends and sixteen years later, I STILL believe that Luis is MY SOMETHING SPECIAL.

Although our life hasn’t been perfect, I don’t know anyone whose is. All I know is that loving Luis has changed me for the better and that I am so glad that I didn’t let reason prevail and that I listened to my heart; because my relationship with Luis has made me the person that I am today. Luis has sacrificed all that was important to him to be with me and I love him even more today than I did sixteen years ago. We have three beautiful children. We live in Peoria, Arizona. And, to the best of my knowledge, since his original fibs, Luis has NEVER lied to me again.

When I found out that I hadn't won the contest, I called Luis to tell him.  He could tell that I was discouraged, but he was at work and he couldn't say much.  Shortly thereafter I received an email notification that Luis had posted something on my Facebook wall, and it said "TO ME YOU ARE A WINNER..!!! SIEMPRE.!!"    (Siempre is Spanish for ALWAYS .)  Is it any wonder that I fell in love with him?

Till next time...

Queen of EVERYTHING                                    

                                                                                                       

(43-237) "Reel Life Wisdom"



 When I first got involved with Facebook; I used to post a status everyday.  Sometimes several times a day.  But then I became one of those people who only posted a status when I had something worthwhile or exciting to share; and sometimes I had to go looking for it.  Over the past few months, I've gained some valuable perspective from quotes that I've discovered; while looking for something meaningful to post as my Facebook status, and I even managed to parlay some of the quotes into blogs; as many of you know.  So yesterday, I again went in search of some inspiration.  I didn't really have a specific topic in mind; when I came across "Reel Life Wisdom," The movie quote directory  but it's proven to be an amusing and useful find.

The Reel Life Wisdom site has a multitude of categories to chose quotes from.  They break it down first by SELF, LIFE, LOVE & RANDOM BITS OF WISDOM.  THEN, they disseminate the quotes further, based on additional themes. For instance, under SELF, you may find quotes about Identity vs. Image, Perspective, Purpose, Hope and character; just to name a few.  For LIFE: Choice vs. Destiny, Freedom, Decision making, Achievement and Change.  Under the heading of LOVE you could find quotes about Men, Women, Feelings, Friends, and Sex, amongst others.  And RANDOM BITS OF WISDOM includes such subjects as Adversity, Reality and Truth, Respect, Responsibility, and Regret.  You'll have to check this site out for yourself; because the topics that I've listed are truly, only the tip of the iceberg.  They even offer teacher/parent tools so that movie quotes may be used to generate meaningful conversations with kids about self-management.

When I chose to write about "Reel Life Wisdom,"  I decided that I'd pick a topic and  share some of  the quotes that made an impact on me.  So, in the interest of,  (say it with me,) "The GREATER Good;" it should come as no surprise, that I've selected movie quotes about  MEANINGFUL LIVING...

“If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.”
"Dead Poets Society" 1989

“Life is too short to be wondering, ‘What if?’” 
 "Paper Heart"  2009

“Take part. Contribute. Be interested in everything and everybody.”
"Now Voyager"  1942

“The effort must be total for the results to be meaningful.”
"Wit"  2001

“If you’re not excited by it, why do you do it?” 
 "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian"   2009

“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be."
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"  2008

"I don’t want to survive, I want to live!"
"WALL-E"  2008

Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-126) Wanted At Last

I don't typically think of myself as unusual; but the other day I was watching a DVR'd episode of "The Talk," and they were discussing the fact that Rosie O'Donnell thought that she might have breast cancer.  They went on to discuss how Rosie was only ten when her mom had passed away from breast cancer; and they went on to talk about how much their own mom's meant to them.  They each said that they couldn't imagine what their wedding days would have been like had their mom's not been there; and it was at that very moment, that I thought, hmm; maybe I am a little unusual.

I absolutely hated the fact that neither of my parents (ESPECIALLY, my mom;)  could be with me (physically) on my wedding day, and even worse; it breaks my heart to know that she will never get to know my children nor will they they ever have the benefit of knowing her.  I know that she would have just adored them; and that their lives would have been all the better for having had her in it.  So, needless to say, I was a bit sad; after listening to their conversation and relating my own experiences.  But last night, not only did my cousin Jackie call me; but her Mom and dad did as well; and I felt a kinship that I have honestly, never known.

My aunt and uncle were calling to share some good news that my Uncle had gotten while at the doctor's and I was so touched that they included me.  My aunt told me that my uncle had asked her if they should call me; and she said "Of course.  She's family."  I thanked her sincerely and she told me that they loved me and that they were so happy to be in my life."  

Jackie and I spoke afterwards; and we just chattered and giggled like life long friends; and I'm certain that the smile that was in my heart, was just as big (if not bigger) than the one that was plastered across my face.  Jackie and I discussed possible visits (amongst other things;) and she welcomed my family to come to her home.  Jackie knew that we'd been considering taking a Disney trip and she told me that if we stayed at her house we could just leave very early to get down to Disney.  She then said "and I'm coming with you of course."  To which I replied, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

I'm always very excited after I talk to Jackie; because she makes me feel wanted; in a very different way than Luis and my kids do.  With the absence of my parents and my extended family; I felt very alone for many, many years; and I don't feel that way anymore.  It now seems possible that I can have a connection to the family that I lost; and maybe put some of the pieces of my ancestry back together.  After all, how can you know where you're going, if you don't know where you came from?

Jackie instant messaged me on Facebook tonight, right after I had instant messaged her daughter, Becky.  I was having fabulous chats with both of them, and couldn't help but think to myself that not so long ago, I never could have imagined that this would be possible.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again; sometimes, the universe just gives you what you need.  I waited a REALLY long time, to get what I needed; but maybe the universe knew that  my 43rd year, would be exactly when I needed my family most. 

I am overjoyed and ever so gratified by the love and positive energy that Jackie and her family are bringing into my life.  I can truly say that I am moved beyond words; and for me, that is big! (Say it with me;) HUGE! 

You know, I don't like to be all preachy about certain topics (CERTAIN topics I said;) but I am going to recommend that if you are fortunate enough to have family that make your world a better and safe place for you; give them a great, BIG, hug the next time that you see them; and let them know how blessed you feel to have them in your life; before it's too late.  Also, savor every minute and be grateful for the time you have.
Till next time..
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-115) HAPPY Together

It's amazing how the most mundane tasks can actually be delightful when you do them with someone that you adore. 

It's Friday, so it's date day; but today we just ran some routine errands.  Luis and I went to his 11:15 doctor's appointment and then we had lunch at Del Taco.  Now, that might not sound appealing to some of you; but I can tell you that it was a GORGEOUS day in Arizona today and we dined outside, amidst a stunning mountain view; and it turned our simple meal into a real treat. 

I don't put Del Taco in the same category as the "Ass Burrito" places; I just think of it as fast food and when Luis and the kids want to have Del taco, I usually get Subway instead.  Well, the other night after soccer. Jenny and I went to grab something quick to eat with the kids and Subway was closed for renovations; so I ate at Del Taco, and I have to say, it was actually good - and by good I mean tasty, not greasy; AND something I was willing to eat again.  Now even thought I told you in "100 MORE Random Things About Me," that I don't typically like refried beans; for some reason; I am keen on the bean and cheese burrito with green sauce, at Del Taco.  They also have a new Carne Asada taco for $1.79 and it must say that it's quite yummy.

We left Del Taco and drove to my office because when I was there yesterday, I accidentally left my bag of paperwork behind.  In order to get to my office we drove up a mountain and Luis commented that he used to drive fast on this mountain to make the kids laugh, which gave me the biggest laugh ever; because Luis never drives fast ANYWHERE.  We don't call him the snail for nothing.

I picked up my paperwork, and we headed to Wal-Mart for water, mushrooms, Swedish Fish for Michelle M (because we were supposed to be watching "Grown Ups" together tonight;) and a gift card for Michelle's son Max; who turned nine on Sunday.  While we were at Wal-mart, Luis suggested that we check the Redbox to see if "Grown Ups" was in; but it wasn't; and neither were Michelle's Swedish fish.

We decided to go to the Ninety Nine cent store, to see if they had a box of Swedish fish; but their cupboard was bare as well; and the Blockbuster box showed that "Grown Ups" was checked out.  We tried another Redbox down the street from our house; and after trying alternative ways to look up the title of our movie; we were victorious.  We spent all of $1.09 to rent "Grown Ups;" which would have cost us $4.99 plus tax had we used ON DEMAND. Luis was giddy because he had never personally used the Red box before; and he found it to be FABULOUS.
 
We got home in time to start picking up our house.  We cooked dinner together; and Luis totally cleaned our dishwasher out, because it was too gross for words.

Sadly Michelle had to cancel on our movie night, because she got food poisoning.  Although she'll be missed; we're going to settle in and watch our dvd; because this is one of those rare occasions where Luis and I actually want to see the same movie.
 
You know it really is true; with a Best friend, ANYTHING can be fun; and I feel so very blessed that we're still so HAPPY Together.  
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING