Monday, May 7, 2007

Queen Bee

OK, so I just have to share this.
I think that I have previously mentioned that on certain days of the week my kids drive to work with me; then my husband meets me at my office and he takes the kids home. I know, sounds like fun huh? So, when I arrived at work today, my husband informed me that there was yes, say it with me "A HUGE bee hive" in one of the trees in the parking lot. What was he doing while he was waiting for me; scouting out hives? He's turning into the Bee Hunter for crying out loud.
Anyway, when I went in to my office I told my boss that he would probably want to let the building management know that there was a big bee hive in one of the trees. I should add by the way that I had brought my camera with me to work; so that I could show some co-workers the pictures of my husband and VaJJ and the whole Un-BEE-Lievable story.

My boss went and got one of the building people and then came and asked me to show the guy where the hive was since up till now I was the only one in the building who had seen it. My boss then said " So for now, you are the Queen Bee." Ahh, how appropriate that the Queen of Everything would now be the Queen Bee; especially after the whole Bee Slaying Spectacular; boy will my husband bee jealous - haha OMG I can't stop myself now - I'm out of control. But I digress.
So I was speaking to VaJJ on the phone and I told her about this new development, and boy was she excited. I swear I could hear her salivating over the phone, just thinking of the possibilities of taking on another hive. Gosh, I really hate to say it, but this hive was HUGE, I mean the size of a human head (and remember -I DON"T EXAGGERATE - you must clearly see now why I don't have to.) Anyway, like I was saying, as confident as I am in my husband and VaJJ's bee slaying skills, I fear that THIS hive might actually be too much for them; so the building maintenance guy plans on calling their pest control. Hmm, what a novel idea...
The good news for my husband and VaJJ is that after seeing the pictures from the other night; my boss did say "Now I know who to call if I ever have a bee problem." Why do I suddenly get a vision of the lonely Maytag repair man in my head. Just picture my husband and VaJJ sitting by the phone, just waiting for someone to call with a hive for them to tackle. They can even have a slogan for their business...Got Bees?
Till next time...

Friday, May 4, 2007

Bee-lieve It or Not

So falling under the category of, I can't make this stuff up...
Last night VaJJ and I were sitting in my playroom chatting while my girls fell asleep. My husband was doing his husbandly duties, taking out the trash etc. when suddenly he came in to announce that we had a bee hive in one of the trees in our front yard. He immediately began to look around to see what he could use to remove the bees, and came out with some big spray thing that he uses on ants and such. I told VaJJ that in high school he had considered becoming a bee keeper, so I'm sure this just thrilled him no end; not to mention that this was just the kind of project that he loved.

He came back in advising that the spray didn't do a thing. VaJJ offered up, "I get free Terminex; I can just say that I moved." To which my husband replied very nonchalantly, I mean as nonchalantly as Ricky Ricardo can; "That's OK, I'm just gonna smoke em' out." OMG one could only imagine what this man had planned.
I'm not quite sure what he was doing, or how his initial "smoking plan" worked, all I know was it was followed up by spraying some water at them, and this didn't seem to work either.

OK so now he was serious, he said "I'm going to fire;" and he was looking around the house for something to cover his face with because apparently he had come up with a big plan and he was convinced that he was going to anger the bees which would result in them swarming him; which is why he wanted to cover his face. So he found nothing and opted for a big, white towel ( as anyone would - right?) LOL
VaJJ had told him to put pantyhose over his face, and I was holding out for a football helmet with the panty hose, but we had no helmet and he didn't even address the pantyhose idea. He and VaJJ negated my suggestion to put a paper bag over his face and cut two eye holes in, a la Unknown Bee Slayer. (That was an unknown comic reference for those of you who remember the Gong Show,) alrighty, so VaJJ reminded me that the bag would be flammable and my husband added "and the bees could get through the eye holes." OY! - are you peeing your pants yet?

So he grabs a can of lighter fluid and takes off outside with the big white towel draped over his shoulders, (please remember for those of you who don't know my husband we're talking a BIG guy, he's 5'9" and weighs about 280. Basically he looks like a Samoan football player or something - don't ask me why b/c this is not a customary look for a Mexican but lucky me, he's all mine.) Anyway, so he' goes out with the towel draped around him and he advises us to keep the door closed so that the bees won't fly in; and he adds "Look out because, I'll probably come running in." Well this was too good to miss; so upon VaJJ's advice, I grabbed my camera and we went outside, and there it was - my husband had made a HUGE tiki torch, that he was planning to use to burn the hive; yes, while it was in my tree. My husband told us to get in VaJJ's car and then instructed us to move the car because we were gonna be in the way, in case he had to come running.

So we're sitting in the car watching as my husband, cloaked in his white towel, takes the tiki torch to the tree. The visual on this was just TOO good - I only wish I had a video to share.
I kept telling VaJJ "see, I told you he should be on Survivor, who else could think these things up?" VaJJ did concur that if she hadn't seen it for herself she wouldn't have believed it and this would have made a GREAT audition tape. Anyway, within a few minutes my bee crazed husband had the hive On the ground, On fire. We hopped out of the car and watched him burn those bees. My Discovery channel watching man, informed us that "these were African bees; they're really, really mean and it's a good thing that it's nighttime." (Why did I her the departed crocodile hunter in my head when he said this? LOL ) Well VaJJ kicked into pyro mode and took the tiki torch from my husband and started to get in on the act. So there's my husband squirting more lighter fluid on them, VaJJ burning them with the tiki torch and me photographing this whole thing; and I should add that it was about 10 O'clock at night and I was in my pajamas and had no bra on - and after nursing 3 kids my boobs hang so low I could nurse a snake. LOL So A few neighbors drove by and I'm sure they were wondering what the heck was going on, but I'm not sure if they were more astounded by the sight of me braless or the whole goings on with the tiki torch extravaganza. "Hello HOA."

Wow, that was some unexpected excitement for a Thursday night. Now VaJJ and my husband want to start their own bee killing business; so if any of you ever have a bee problem - you know who to call. I can send you instructions on how to make your own tiki torch in case you live too far away for the bee slayers to get to you - although I think they'd fly out (VaJJ and my husband, not the bees;) cause they were SO into this, they couldn't pass up any opportunity.

Like I told you at the start of this blog; this definitely falls under the category of I can't make this stuff up; Bee-lieve it or not.
Till next time...