Saturday, March 31, 2007

Humanity is alive and well

I'll admit that I am prone to complain a lot. I'd like to think that it's not so much, like poor me kinda stuff (that's usually not my style;) but I complain about whatever I consider to be injustices, ie: The Deal or No Deal Situation, or the uprising of the mediocre etc. Maybe they're not so much complaints as gripes; but anyway, what I want to get at is, as much as I can complain or gripe, I definitely take great pleasure in discussing what is good and right in the world when I have occasion to witness it.

The other day my friend Tiffany suffered a terrible tragedy when her 7 year old nephew accidentally shot himself in the eye with a pellet gun that he found in his garage. Tiffany's nephew was rushed to the ER, flown to the closest pediatric hospital and underwent surgery; but sadly, he did not make it.
Tiffany was devastated as ANYONE would be; and she planned to fly to Iowa to be with her sister, but the last minute airfare was not cheap; $600.00
Our friend Kara sent an email to all of their mutual friends as well as her relatives and Tiff's neighbors. Kara wrote of the tragedy and advised that she would be collecting contributions towards Tiffany's airfare; if anyone felt that they wanted to help out.

Tiffany is the type of person who is always there when you need her. Last year my son had been in the hospital for a few days because he was in asthmatic distress; and as soon as Tiffany heard about my sons hospitalization (from Kara,) she called to see what she could do. I hadn't had anything to eat for dinner and Tiffany offered to drive up late at night to bring me something to eat; she only lived 45 minutes from the hospital. I declined- I told her that I was sure that I could live off of my body fat for one night; but she then insisted that she would be there the next morning, no matter what I had to say about it. Tiffany showed up with Starbuck's and a scrapbooking magazine for me, a balloon and some coloring books for my son and some various other treats, if my memory serves me correctly - that's just the type of person that Tiffany is; and I could go on and on.

Since Tiffany has been such a good friend to me, of course I wanted to help her; but just one day after my $840 dentist bill, I didn't have much to contribute. I spoke with my husband and we planned to contribute $25 since our finances were so tight. I was trying to figure out what else I could do to help Tiffany so I decided to email everyone that Kara didn't know; like women that Tiffany and I scrapbook with and other friends of mine who have met Tiff.
I forwarded Kara's email with an introduction that explained "although you might not know Tiffany very well, I thought you would want to know about the tragedy that she has experienced." And then it happened... Women who have only met Tiffany a couple of times started contacting me to tell me that they wanted to contribute. Jenny and Lisa B and Lesa G and my friend Michelle K who hasn't even seen or spoken to Tiffany in over a year wanted to contribute, and my friend Rachel who lives in Santa Monica and comes in a couple of times a year, wanted to contribute; and my friend Jackie, who has been undergoing her own tragedies day in and day out, wanted to contribute and then the one that brought me to tears; Jackie's mother wanted to contribute. Now Jackie has become one of my closest friends and we spend a lot of time together, but I haven't even met her mom yet, so needless to say neither has Tiffany - and here was Jackie's mom giving a $50 contribution to a woman she never met... People can be GOOD!! People can pitch in when others are down because they recognize that this tragedy could have just as easily happened to them or someone that they are close to; or they recognize that there is pain and suffering in life and sometimes you just need to help because it is the right thing to do.
In a world where we often see the worst sides of people, it is so unexpected and delightful when people show you just how good we CAN BE to each other. People can AMAZE you; but it is kinda sad that generosity and compassion would be causes for amazement. Nonetheless, I was amazed and thankfully so. I was overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers and so thankful that we were all able to come together and help make things a little easier for Tiffany because I know that she would have been one of the first ones to do the same for someone else.
Certainly I am not the Queen of, oh what's that word? Like when someone of importance bestows you with a compliment? Well you know what I mean, it's not like my praise is going to get you into heaven or get you a Nobel peace prize, or really even matters, but I'll give it anyway - accolades to all of you who showed that humanity is alive and well.
Thank you so much for taking the time to care.
Till next time...

Thursday, March 29, 2007


Yesterday was very traumatic for me; and; no, it wasn't because of the Idol results show. LOL
At 8 a.m. my 5 year old daughter had an appointment at the Pediatric dentist. She had gone for her first dental check up in December; and we were almost out the door with a clean bill of health, when the dentist said "bad news, the x-ray's just came back and she has several cavities." I asked if there was any way to fill the cavities without needing a shot and he said "no." I explained that this would be a big problem because she has a terrible fear of shots; she cries at the mere mention of the word - so he referred me to a pediatric dentist who would have other options available, such as nitrous or sedation.
OK, so being the Queen of Dentalphobics (I don't know if that's a real word or not, but I have an awful fear/anxiety about going to the dentist; so it sounds real to me.) Anyway being the Queen of Dentalphobics, I did what any mom (who's not in their right mind;) would do and totally projected my fear by procrastinating to call and make her appointment. I finally forced myself to call on Tuesday and I asked the woman how much it would cost and she said that they couldn't know that until they examined her. I explained that she'd already been examined and that my insurance wouldn't cover a second "initial" exam and that we were on a tight budget. The woman told me that she had a coupon for a free exam and she would let me use that and then we could see what the cost would be from there.

Wow! How nice I thought; and then get this - she fit us in at 8am the very next day.
I tried to prepare my daughter and told her that we were going to a very special dentist for kids; in fact, his office was called Kidz R Kool- and she liked that.
We walked in and his office was unbelievable, there was an arcade with video games (are they still called video games??) and the place looked like something from out of the Incredible's. It was VERY well thought out.
So first came the x-rays - that went alright, then the cleaning; which she didn't really enjoy (but who likes brushing their teeth with bubblegum flavored sand...) and then while we were waiting for the interpretation of the x-rays; all of a sudden it hit me. I had always thought that my dental phobia stemmed from the fact that I have a very ( physically ) small mouth, I am a mouth breather, and an asthmatic; not to mention the fact that I too have a terrible fear of needles; (so much so that I gave birth to all 3 of my children with no epidurals or drugs whatsoever. This choice wasn't made solely because of my needlephobia, "is that a real word?" but it did play a big part in my decision.) Anyway, I thought that I had fully justified my dentalphobia until I realized that one of the big reasons that I hate to go to the dentist is because when they tell you something is wrong, you feel like a failure. Well, at least I do; and being the overachiever that I am, failure is not a comfortable feeling for me!! I mean really, how can you not feel like a failure? Who else can you blame for poor or insufficient brushing or flossing. Yes, periodontal disease can be hereditary (I know all too well about that too - unfortunately) but these other things are all up to you and if you have some cavities or plaque, guess who's to blame? And if your 5 or 3 year old has some cavities or plaque, guess who's to blame? AND it doesn't feel so good, taking all this blame. Hence another reason to AVOID the dentist.

So now they read the x-rays, and suffice it to say that we went from her needing a few cavities filled to her needing 7 cavities filled, her bottom 4 teeth extracted AND the possibility of a "baby root canal." Oh my god; how did this happen? Now I know to read it this must sound pretty extreme, and I bet some of you are thinking that you have a bridge in Brooklyn you could sell me; but I did see the x-rays for myself and her 2 "HUGE" grown up teeth were in her gum line and one of them was growing into one of the baby teeth in a really unhealthy way and would have ultimately come in twisted because there wasn't going to be room for it. Blah, blah, blah.

We all agreed that if I was going to have them do the extractions, everything should just be done at once and they would sedate her. Sedate her, sedate MY BABY. Oy! I thought they were going to need to sedate me as well. All of these ideas were just so overwhelming and as if I wasn't worried enough, now it was time to bring in the big guns - the receptionist with the estimate.
Hold onto your hats... How bout $897.00 plus tax after what my insurance will pay. I tried my best to hold it together, but I AM NOT the QUEEN of Hiding my Feelings. I have no poker face, and I just about lost it. I started to cry because I felt trapped and like a complete failure (there's that word again.) I knew that my daughter needed to have this work done, but the cost was going to be excruciating for us. The receptionist asked if it would help if they waived the $175 sedation fee because "we can do that," she said. I thanked her and told her that anything would help.

Oh, I forgot to mention that before we went over the x-rays, they asked me if I wanted them to examine my 3 year old daughter. I said "I don't know if she'll cooperate," and they said "She's 3 - we expect that." SO I started to ask my daughter "DO you want to have your teeth checked today?" AND at the same time both the dentist and his assistant barked at me "YOU are the parent, you tell her what to do, no 3 year old is going to agree to having their teeth examined." Whew - so now I'm a bad parent for talking it over with my 3 year old. Trust me when I tell you that my children DO NOT run me (well may be this one does;) but I make the decisions, yet I did want to see if she was comfortable with this. What else could these people possibly do to me to make me feel worse?? My daughter did agree so I felt good about having her examined and thank god she was UNBELIEVABLY well behaved and cooperative, (which is SO unlike her;) and luck of luck, no cavities. I actually did something right - I'm still in shock over that one.

While my little one was being examined my 5 year old had drank her sedative and it kicked in pretty quickly. They moved us to the "quiet room," which had a lot of comfy pillows and blankets and stuffed animals and movies - and she slept. They had told me that in 45-60 minutes they would take her in and swaddle her in a papoose and put her on a board and secure her head still and that I was to accompany them for the set up; and then leave the room. I thought this would just about kill me. Luckily, since she was fully asleep when they were to bring her in the room, they seemed to think they could handle it without me, and I did not have to witness this preparation. I think they could also tell that I just wasn't up for it. I was VERY emotional about the whole thing.
Once she was secure they assured me that she was still asleep and the procedure would take about 45 minutes. I think they were the longest 45 minutes of my life; though the 2 Xanax that I took made them seem just like an hour.
When she was done they told me she did beautifully and that she slept the whole time. They told me that she could have some ice cream and then some Motrin or Advil. Then I paid my $840 (She didn't need the "baby root canal" for the additional $250 - hallelujah!) and we left.

We went to get some ice cream and while she was eating she told me that she was afraid she was going to look silly; and she started to cry. I promised her that she was going to look as gorgeous as ever and reminded her that her brother had been without many teeth for a very long time. We went to buy some ibuprofen even though she was reluctant to take it. I let her pick the flavor just in case she did need to take some; but I tell you what - this girl must have some tolerance for pain (she must also get that from me; ) because to this point she still hasn't taken any medicine.

We had told her that if she didn't feel up to it she wouldn't have to go to preschool today and when my husband tried to wake her up to see if she wanted to go she told him that she was going to stay home because she needed to relax. LOL
She had a very good day and when I came home and saw her; I asked how she was and she told me that she liked having her teeth out because it made her "different than other kids." Is my girl exceptional or what?

In a lot of ways I think this whole experience may have been harder on me than it was on her; I mean she slept through the whole thing and I was the one agonizing over what was happening to her. Maybe they should include some sedation for the parent too; because there is NO fear like being scared for your child. I'll have to think of a good expression for that kind of phobia. Fear of your child hurting or being scared. What shall we call that? Oh , I know - Motherhood...
Till next time...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

What the faux

Disclaimer: I wish that I could say I was the clever one who came up with this title; but unfortunately for me, all the credit has to go to none other than Lesa G; who emailed her comments to me under that title, before I had the chance to blog. Girlfriend, you are just TOO FUNNY!!

So I was at work tonight and I got a call from Big V (who lives in NY;) and all she said was "I expect a blog about Sangria's hair tomorrow." She didn't want to give me any information about the hair or the show, since it would be hours until I would get to see it; but of course my curiosity was peaked.
So as not to disappoint Big V; here we go...
Now do I really have to say it? I'm not thinking that it needs to be said because you know that you are all thinking the same thing as me, but OK, I'll say it, "What the faux??" First off, does this fool, (and by fool you all know I mean Sangria) have any clue that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, is making fun of him? Who in his/her? right mind would come out with their hair like that, and then be SO smug as to tell Simon "You're just mad because you can't pull it off..." Yah right Sangria, I'm sure Midas Cowell is sitting at home tonight, sobbing in his champagne because he can't pull off the pony hawk or faux hawk, or whatever you want to call it. I'm CERTAIN that he is at home right now, reproaching himself for missing his opportunity to wear such a 'do' and "make a complete ass of himself!! " I must wonder though how many jr. high or high school kids are gonna try and pull this off now?? I bet Simon will be "mad" at them too. LOL
OK Sangria let's talk about your singing? now. OY! It was like watching a train wreck. You saw the train coming and you knew it was going to happen and there was nothing you could do to prevent it, and now in the aftermath you know that we are all helpless; thanks to the losers at VFTW - you morons! I mean could Sangria at least have tried to sing; to compete? I think he's just getting a little too cocky about being lousy. Now how's that for mediocre?? Or maybe it's not mediocre, maybe he's an insane genius who's trying really hard to be lousy. Umm, nope, I think I'd have to go with, he's just lousy; which is even less than mediocre.
Simon pretty much summed it up when he said "it's out of our hands." At this point you've just gotta know that Howard Stern & VFTW are just travelling full steam ahead; and sad to say but I'd be shocked (though delighted,) if Sangria did get voted out tomorrow.

So while I'm on the subject of drag queens ... Am I the only one who noticed that Phil Stacey had an INCREDIBLE amount of make up on? And with that hat, I thought I was looking at one of the guys from La Cage after the show. (You know leaving in their guy clothes but still with their make up on.) I mean I love drag queens as much as the next person, maybe more. I'm a huge Too Wong foo fan and I loved Connie and Carla; and since most of you probably have no clue what either of those are, you can probably take my word that I love drag queens more than the next person; yet, I was just surprised to see one on idol, and in guy clothes. At least give us the whole show and put on one of those FABULOUS dresses that drag queens always seem to have.

On a positive note. I love me some Gwen Stefani. I thought she was the most honest guest we've EVER seen. You go Gwen! I thought Gina brought her A game back; and being the 70's dance music QUEEN, I've always LOVED "Heaven knows;" and I LOVED how Melinda sang it; I just don't LOVE to look at her so much... She looks a little peculiar to me and I can't quite put my finger on it; though tonight I couldn't tell if what she was wearing under her boobs/waist was supposed to be a belt or a bra?? I didn't hate the whole outfit, like Simon did; I just didn't like the belt/bra? The judges raved about Lakeisha but I didn't think that she brought it tonight; BUT, Jordin did. I loved the song, I loved the outfit even though it wasn't the most flattering, and my husband thinks that her earrings were SO big, to make her face look smaller. HAHA

My bottom 3: Sangria of course, Haley (because I don't have a good reason not to want her in the bottom 3) and Chris Sligh. I LOVED that the judges ripped him a new one. You have to know that he got those awful comments as a punishment for his shout outs to Dave last week. HAHA Chris, now who's feeling the worst??
Let's keep our fingers crossed that America did the right thing this week.
Till next time...

I Just don't get it...

The other day my friend Jackie was very excited to tell me that Deal or No Deal was going to be holding an open casting call at a local casino. Well, local as in - it's in the state of Arizona, but close to where I live; NO.
Well of course I wanted to go, and it could have been do-able depending on the time of the casting call. Honestly, in a perfect world it would have been great if both my husband and I could have gone with Jackie because I think he'd have a lot better chance of getting on than I would. Let's face it, no one really needs to see another fat, almost 40, white chick win some money; when they can watch a cute, chubby, ethnic looking guy who is REALLY, REALLY nice (he's a lot nicer than me; I'll admit it.)
Anyway, the word must have gotten around and excitement abounded because Lesa also told me about the casting call and she was interested in going too. OK field trip! Yah right, my bubble was burst as soon as Jackie said that she thought you would have to get to the casino around 8am on a Tuesday morning. Tuesday morning, 8 am, I guess people with kids and jobs would have no interest or need to go on a game show to get the chance and win a lot of money? Hmmm.

I myself am pretty new to the whole deal or no deal phenomenon but as far as game shows go, this one seems like a no brainer. Pick some cases and decide if you're going to let your greed get the better of you.
I'm telling you; if they picked me or my husband they'd get off pretty easy because chances are that both of us would leave for about $150,000 if there weren't big #'s still on the board. Heck, my husband who I often refer to as Ebenezer (Eb to close friends,) would probably leave for about 30 bucks. Haha just kidding. I don't think he'd go for less than $150,000.
Anyway, we don't want the money for extravagant things. I would just like to get some good furniture, (replace my Target entertainment unit) put money away for my three kids college educations, maybe get a bigger house so that my girls could actually have room to play in their room, buy a new piece of land in Puerto Vallarta for the home that we have been trying to build there and then invest. My husband of course would like to give a good amount to charity. See, I told you that he was nicer than me. LOL

OK, so I understand that the casino is probably busier on the weekend which is why you'd have the casting call on a weekday, but I mean c'mon; not everyone has people who are available to watch their kids, and not everyone can miss work for the chance to go on a game show. How does this seem fair? You may have noticed that FAIR is a recurring theme for me. As previously stated, I am the Queen of FAIRNESS but the rest of the world just doesn't seem to want to follow suit. Believe me I KNOW that life is not ALWAYS fair. Unfortunately it has been more of my experience that life is not USUALLY fair.
So I have to ask; who gets rewarded here? Only the people without children to worry about, the people who don't work, the mediocre who don't care if they miss a day of work? I really need someone to explain this one to me. I just don't get it...

I guess I'll just have to go back to my plan of having my husband get onto Survivor. I mean if he can survive a crazy, Jewish woman from New York and 3 kids; whatever they could throw at him should be a cinch. The man is strong as an ox, will eat anything (especially with a million dollars on the line;) he can catch fish and swim like one. The first time I saw my husband fish he was using a small, plastic soda bottle, some fishing line, a hook and some mini-marshmallows. (Who could make this stuff up??) He could probably make a hut out of a gum wrapper and a stick (a Mexican MacGiver, I tell you; ) and as I boasted before - he's a REALLY, REALLY, nice guy. No one could possibly vote this guy off the island; although my kids have tried. LOL
I say it's just about time for a chubby, Mexican guy to be on Survivor - and win!! I've been threatening to have him make an audition tape for years, but now this Deal or No Deal situation, may have been just enough to inspire me to inspire him.
Till next time...

Sunday, March 25, 2007

The Squeaky Wheel

I was looking over a layout in one of my scrapbooking magazines; and the woman had done a page about herself. I have to say she did not sound like the most pleasant woman from the way she described herself; but the one thing that struck me was her last comment, "why do I always get the cart with the squeaky wheel?" I kinda chuckled (I didn't wanna give her a full laugh since I really didn't like her based on what I read;) but I thought to myself - I ALWAYS get the cart with the squeaky (or loose) wheel too.
Then it hit me - MAYBE the majority of the carts have squeaky or loose wheels. Maybe it's not that I have bad luck when it comes to picking carts - that's just how it is. That's what you've got to choose from; squeaky or loose because the people who work in the stores are far too busy to give the carts the proper attention that they need.

Hmm, well now this blog can go one of two ways. If I take the road that leads me to discuss positive thinking this could probably be my briefest blog ever- LOL; OR I can take the traditional bumpy road which would lead me to discuss mediocrity. OK, you know me, fasten your seat belts, mediocrity it is; and this is how we get there...

First, it is important to note that I CANNOT STAND MEDIOCRITY. I have always been an overachiever and I have no tolerance or understanding for those who are willing to do the minimum or accept the status quo. I just don't get it.
I've been running into mediocrity quite a bit lately and it makes me uncomfortable. Especially when the mediocre are complaining about the little that they have to do and how they want to do even less. My brain would stagnate if I was these people.
If I was working with carts (amongst other things,) and I had a free minute or twenty, I think I'd be trying to find a way to fix the carts that squeak or have the loose wheel so that when customers came in they'd be more relaxed, have one less thing to worry about or focus on, and hopefully spend more money which would mean more revenue for my store and maybe, hopefully, ultimately, more money for me. If not, more money then maybe I would just have the satisfaction of knowing that I was doing a job well, showing initiative, and using my (dare I say it,) brain. But no, this doesn't seem to be a common philosophy, so unfortunately WE are the ones who will continue to get the squeaky/loose wheeled carts; but it's not because of the dark cloud over us, it's because of the legions of the mediocre who just don't care.
The people who work in the stores who don't work on the carts, the people who work in the fast food restaurants but couldn't be bothered to check your order to make sure that they put the caramel in with your apple dippers, your boy toy in with your boy happy meal or even that you have the right meal for crying out loud.
Then there's my job. There are 3 people including myself who work in the accounting department; me and one other person who each have the workload of 2 people plus, and the third person works maybe 24 hours a week, looks to leave as soon as her few tasks are completed and complains any time you ask her to do something. To her I say, if you don't want to work "quit," otherwise you have nothing to complain about - this is what they pay you for.

It's amazing what we - the hard working, have to put up with. Mediocrity seems to be EVERYWHERE lately; but in the spirit of being positive, I will just remind myself that although sometimes it's hard to be the leader of the pack; the view is ALWAYS better from the front!
Till next time...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Enough Already

OK, I AM MAD!! I AM MAD because we have to put up with Sangria for another week, I AM MAD because of the morons at, I AM MAD at Howard Stern, I AM MAD because I don't just wanna be the American Idol Blog Queen - I have so much more to write about than American Idol; yet I'm so infuriated by all that's going on with AI right now, and everyone wants to talk about it, so I feel I must blog on...

So here's the deal: There are a bunch of killjoys out there that follow a website called AND as if the website wasn't enough on its own; Howard Stern has been encouraging his disciples to vote for Sangria in order to keep the worst in the competition.
Obviously these 2 forces are very successful because last night, Sangria wasn't even in his rightful place in the bottom 3. Or I guess I should say bottom 2 because they didn't mention a bottom 3. So now 2 people who can sing circles around Sangria were in the bottom 2 and one of them went home. This is just CRAP!!
OK - I'll admit that for the past 2 shows Stephanie Edwards (the girl who left last night;) had not brought her A game - but truth be told, her E game was better than Sangria ANY DAY; and don't even get me started on Chris Robinson. Chris is AWESOME, he's got a great sound and I even put him in my top 3; so this is just BULL.

Sangria is now in the top 10 which is a frikkin joke. Any person with an ounce of self respect would just remove themselves from the competition at this point. I mean basically they are voting William Hung into the top 10. Remember that guy? Yah, well Sangria is getting recognition for being bad; just like William Hung. Now William, he didn't care; he had his 15 plus minutes of fame and even made a record, BUT doesn't Sangria realize that people are only voting for him because he is "the worst," how awful. I actually feel a little bad for the guy, girl?, guy - whatever he/she is. BUT I feel worse for us, having to endure him.

AND while I'm on the subject - I think Chris Sligh should be removed from the competition for giving a shout out to Dave - The guy who runs What the heck is he doing? In case you don't know what I'm talking about; during his few minutes w/ Ryan -( yes the same few minutes where Ryan made the hand job sign,) Chris said "Hey Dave" twice and he WAS referring to Dave from I am positive of this because I checked out this travesty of a website and sure enough "Dave" mentions Chris Sligh and his shout out and goes on to say that since Chris is such a big fan of VFTW, once Sangria is gone; he's going to tell people to vote for Chris - and here's some food for thought: on the VFTW website there is a picture of one of the idol's holding a VFTW t-shirt. Guess which one? Can you say Soul patrol? That's right - Taylor Hicks. I'm just disgusted!!
So I say, kick off Sligh and bring back AJ (Yes, I'm still hoping for that;) and of course get rid of Sangria once and for all. I say, if you don't like the show, don't watch the show, but don't ruin it for everyone else by keeping in this guy/girl who has no right to be there - enough is enough already.
I think it may just be time for the Queen of EVERYTHNG to take a road trip over to VFTW and express my dissatisfaction all over their page. I'll let you know if I go.
Till next time...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Hot Topic

OK - It is late. Very late for me and I am sleepy- but as I am the Queen of Competitive (well sometimes;) I have to get this blog in before EVERYONE and their mother starts making their comments about Idol, because you know I want the credit for this one - yup you heard it, or read it here first...
What the hell is Ryan Seacrest thinking? If you are a little gentile, that's gen-teel not gentile (for my Jewish friends,) anyway if you are a little gentile, skip this part.
WHY oh WHY would Ryan make the signal for a hand job, on national TV? In case you missed it or I'm the only perv in the bunch; it went a little something like this. Chris Sligh had sang his way through the audience and then he had a little mic stand action on stage. Now very faintly Paula had made a comment about Simon trying to take the mic stand away from Chris (or something to that effect;) and then when Ryan was talking to Chris on stage, he made some reference to Simon trying to take the mic stand AND while he was making this verbal reference, (I kid you not,) he made the motion of a hand job (in reference to taking the mic I'm sure, but - OMG!!) Go check your Tivo's or rewind your tapes, or better yet just turn on E, the View, or the news because I GUARANTEE you that they will ALL be talking about it.

So let's move on from hand jobs to blow jobs - and by blow I mean those that blew, that absolutely sucked - say it with me now "Sangria, I just met a girl? named Sangria..."
Sangria attempted to rock, with "Girl you really got me down," and although Randy and Paula thought it was his best performance to date - is that really saying much? Once again Lesa said it best "Sangria really "had me going" allright........ straight to the liquor cabinet with a quick stop by the knife rack . Oh my Lord he is SO SO SO SO SO Brutal. " HAHAHA - Good one Lese.

Big news here - Sangria did actually admit that he is NOT the best singer in the competition. Yay! for a moment of clarity. What do you think his first clue was? (To the tune of won't you come home Bill Bailey) "Won't you go home Sangria, won't you go home..."

So here are my bottom 3 this week: Sangria (of course,) Phil ( I fast forwarded through his performance) and Gina ( She was lousy) She was more concerned with getting the hair out of her face then performing her song.

Actually, I gotta say almost the entire show bored me to tears. It was a major snoozefest. I fast forwarded through most of the performances including Lakeisha's and Melinda's tonight. I mean yah, we all know they can sing; but their song choices were just hideous. I don't know, call me crazy but when Lulu told Lakeisha "I think the other song is a far better choice and you can really deliever it;" and then she chose to go with that dreadful Diamonds song, I think that was just downright stupid. I'd almost vote against her just for being such an idiot.
Hmmm, maybe I should write up some suggestions for song choices and ask my brother to go "trollin the pier" for the idols. LOL

My top 3 this week: Jordin, Blake; and I guess Chris Richardson, though I could have just as easily left it at a top 2.

All I can say is Thank God for Dancing with the Stars. My Maks is back and he's got a partner with two real legs and a little rhythm, so he stands a chance of staying in for a few weeks. Oh that makes me a HAPPY Queen.

Of course I have to mention that once again on Amazing Race, Charla and Mirna donned their accents in lieu of the 5 languages they supposedly speak. While trying to sell manicures in Mozambique they put on some kinda unrecognizable accent when trying to convince the locals to let them polish their nails for money. (I know, I know, if you've never seen the show, that little description would certainly not inspire you to tune in - but you gotta trust me on this one - It's Goood.) Anyway, Charla and Mirna actually came in first this week. I was shocked, and a little nauseated, but it's only TV.

Till next time...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Reality Bytes

Now you have to know that I had a thing or two to say about American Idol this week; but I was afraid that I had missed the boat since the results were already announced. Then I gave it some more thought, (because I am the Queen of Thinking things over - can you say obsessive??) and finally decided; what the heck - criticism is criticism and should be shared regardless. LOL

So where shall I begin? I know I'll start at the bottom and work my way up.
So what kinda idiot is Brandon? First of all, Brandon said "I'm gonna sing Can't hurry love, because I grew up on that song." So then what happens; well amongst other things, the moron forgot the words. He grew up on the song; yet he forgot the words. Way to go, and go he did; right off the show.
Simon was on the money (as usual) when he told Brandon that he sounded like a back up singer's back up singer. I don't even think he sounded good enough to be a back up singer unless maybe he's gonna be a back up singer for Sangria.

(To the tune "Maria" from West Side Story) "Sangria, I just met a girl named Sangria." HAHAHA- oh I just kill myself. OK, so once again, Lesa was "dead on balls accurate." to quote Marissa Tomei from My cousin Vinnie (there ya go, Michelle K) She told me last night "I was sure that Sangria was going to sing I'm coming out;" OMG good one Lese, but I think it was actually Ryan's night to come out.
For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to, it went a little something like this: Melinda was saying that it was difficult for her to wear high heels and dresses. Ryan then throws it to Simon to make a comment about high heels (since Simon is such a fashion critic these days,) and Simon says "You should know Ryan;" and Ryan says "Stay out of my closet;" to which Simon replies "Come out." OK so to all of this I say, (not that it matters AT ALL;) but what heterosexual man would reply "stay out of my closet" when the subject of high heels comes up? AND I'm only talking about it because of the whole Sangria coming out thing. Anyway back to Sangria.

I thought that Sangria was trying to do a Diana Ross impersonation. Lesa thinks Sangria wants to be Michael Jackson, and everyone knows that MJ wants to be Diana Ross, so bottom line is Sangria was trying to be MJ being Diana Ross. Aagghh!! Too, Too much. You know you have to be REALLY bad when "in a singing competition," the only positive comment you get is about your hair - and while we're on the subject, what the heck was with that hair. Oh my gosh, I thought it was awful.
The only other thing I want to say about Idol before moving on is that I thought Lakeisha and Melinda blew Diana away. I was waiting for the judges to tell Diana that she was shouting. "Not your best performance dawg," is what Randy shoulda said.

So since I don't want this blog to be all about Idol; I'll move on.
Let's talk Amazing Race... (Here ya go Big V- I told you the time would come.) For those of you trying to keep up on my cast of characters, Big V is my treasured friend Ruthie; oh, excuse me, Ruth. Though from here on out she will only be referred to as Big V (my kids even call her Auntie V; they have no idea why or that her name is anything else; but the Big V is a story for yet another time)
OK, so in case I haven't said it before, I LOVE the Amazing Race; it's my FAVORITE Reality show; and since I'm such a fan of the all-star type event (I mean I was a huge Battle of the Network Stars fan - back in the day; and YOU know when the day was.) Anyway, I like Rob and Amber, well Rob anyway. He amuses me but now they're gone "and that's all I have to say about that;" to quote Forrest Gump. Hmm, big quotation blog for me. I feel a theme within a theme emerging...
My other FAVORITE team on the ARAS (Amazing Race All Stars) is Team Cha Cha Cha - Danny and Oswald. I LOVE them; I think they are GREAT and I'm so glad that they're doing well. I hope they kick every one's butts. And speaking of butts, let me now get on to Charla and Mirna.
So, first off, for anyone who doesn't know, Charla is a little person and she runs the race with her cousin Mirna, and these two are probably the most dislike duo in AR history. As much as people don't like having Rob and Amber in a competition, they dislike Charla and Mirna even more. Reason: they are whiny and annoying and quite honestly, though I've never watched it before I'm waiting for the "celebrity" boxing match between Charla and Mirna once Charla watches the show back and sees how Mirna was tooting her own horn and claiming that she has to work harder than anyone else in the race to make up for Charla's umm shortcomings -( haha that was my summation, she didn't use that word;) anyway she was doggin her and criticizing her like there was no tomorrow. EEWWWW Charla's gonna be MAAAADD and rightly so.
Now here's another tidbit about Charla and Mirna. Mirna, who is an attorney; claims to speak 5 languages - and I just have to say, Mirna, "accents and languages are NOT the same thing." OMG - Mirna will get in a taxi and put on what she thinks is a Spanish accent or a mid-eastern accent and try to tell the cab drivers to go or give them instructions. It's so flippin funny. I mean I think once I heard her speak another language, though I don't know what it was; but usually she just tries to feign an accent. So again I say "accent and language - not the same thing."
Here's another example of how hated these two are. In the last episode there was a road block (a task that only one team member may perform ) hmm, I just sounded like Phil (the host) there for a minute. Anyway, the roadblock was to go into this tiny one room post office and sort through the mailbags until you find the letter that has your team's names on it. Now first I have to say Mirna "you are an Ass!" why the heck would you choose to do this roadblock, when Charla had NO limitations on this one that would have hindered her performance. Little people can sort mail just fine, where hmm I don't know she seems to have a more difficult time w/ physical challenges; but you're right Mirna, you should sort the mail. That great reasoning probably comes in handy being a lawyer and all. (I should say for those of you who don't watch the show and just think I'm nuts at this point. Teams have to divide the road blocks, so they must take turns, and you obviously never know what's gonna come up, so If Mirna wasted a challenge like this and is kept from another road block which is more physical - "BIG Mistake, HUGE " To quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
Boy am I getting sidetracked today or what? A particularly BUMPY RIDE. OK, so Charla and Mirna - now; once they find the letter they have to open it and read it and they discover that the letter is from one of the teams that they competed against in their original race. Most people received nice encouraging letters, team Guido received a funny letter and Rob and Amber's was well; not so nice. But Charla and Mirna: Charla and Mirna receive a letter from Marshall and lance; two brothers who HATED them; (and by the way , I hated Marshall and Lance, I thought they were a couple of schmucks! They were in another country trying to get directions and they were complaining that the people didn't speak English. See like I said schmucks! "It's their country numnuts; they don't have to speak ENGLISH"- unless it was England which it wasn't.) Anyway, Marshall and Lance wrote this nasty letter to Charla and Mirna talking about how Mirna is supposed to speak 5 languages and she doesn't even speak English. (I see a theme here for those brothers) But you get the point. Were Marshall and Lance the only people that they could get to write to Charla and Mirna? Are they that hated? Probably. I actually felt bad for them, because they had to read the letter out loud, and I don't think that was very nice of the producers - but oh well; they just don't ask my opinion, so what can I do.

Lastly, since I'm talkin "REALITY;" I would like to mention that Monday is the return of Dancing with the Stars. My husband and I saw the commercial last night and I couldn't have been more excited;. even he knew why... (sing with me) "My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble, hay na, hay na - yum, yum, Maks!!" (I just threw that part in) Woohoo, may my fantasies begin... Maks is back and I am a happy Queen. Queen of naughty thoughts about a 26 year old guy; I should be ashamed of myself; but he's just TOO beautiful and it's just TOO much fun!! OK, I'm lost in the Maks zone now that I'm thinking about him, so I'd better go.
Till next time...

Monday, March 12, 2007

Shiny Nails

This weekend, I was the Queen of Pathetic. Although in retrospect, I'm not quite sure that I should limit it to just this weekend; you see I do stuff like this ALL THE TIME.

So, Michelle K and I went to go get pedicures at Shiny Nails. We had gone there once previously to get our pedicures etc. before Michelle's wedding in Vegas (Feb 10.)
Anyway, I say to Michelle "When you make the appointments, please request Lee for me because that is who I had last time, and she did a good enough job, and I would hate to go in there and have her put a hex on me if I was using someone else; or have her talk about me even more than they do." You guessed it, Shiny Nails is not operated by fully English speaking women; need I say more?

OK so Michelle and I get our pedicures. We got the exact same design (though different colors) because the lady sitting next to Michelle had gotten it and we thought it was super. Coincidentally, the color I picked was Lee's favorite. I know because she told me "Dat my favrit culah." Go figure. All the culahs in the store, and I pick Lee's favorite... Now because I opt to get the "special" heel reparation as Lee has advised me that I really need this, it will be good for me; Michelle finishes first.

By the time I was done, Michelle was already dry. Lee said "You can go if you will be very careful." To which I replied "Oh no, I need to dry a for a few minutes because after spending all this money on my toes, I don't wanna mess it up." So I sit to dry and Michelle runs over to the supermarket. She comes back, and well, we NEED coffee. So we walk to my car with the cart she has used from the supermarket. After we put the bags in the car. I take the cart to return it, (well, to the curb, ) and I announce "Our toes look GOOOOD!!" (Aha, just like that "Our toes look GOOOD!!;) and with that, I go to raise the cart to the curb using my foot, and you guessed it, RUINED my pedicure. Well it was SO pathetic that we had to laugh. And there I was in the street trying to retrieve one of the rhinestones that fell off my big toe. I felt like SUCH a MORON. I just cannot be trusted. I truly am my own worst enemy. Anyway, of course I had to go back in and they kindly fixed it for me; but you know they were talking about me, and heck , I deserved it - this time.
Again I say to you; who could make this stuff up?
Till next time...

How the Ride Began Part 1

Disclaimer: This blog is has been previously published in the form of an email. So to any readers who participated in my Oscar pool or were in my test market, I apologize for the re-run; but wanted everyone to have a clear understanding of how the ride began...

OK, so with that said; When I announced that I was going to be writing a blog, many people asked WHAT I was going to be blogging about, and this was my reply:
Now you may be wondering what I plan to blog about and believe me; so do I. I certainly have comments still left to be made about the Oscar's; before, during and after. Everything from red carpet to acceptance speeches, etc. etc.
Where will I go from there? Well, I enjoy Reality TV so I thought I might write a bit about that. For instance I'm a "big musical girl" in case you haven't guessed that one already; here's the tip off - Jennifer Hudson - WOOHOO! Anywhoo, being the "big musical girl" that I am; of course I wanted to watch "Grease - you're the one that I want," I mean what could be better? Grease, one of the all time classic movies of the 70's; that I think I saw IN the theater at least 10 times (b/c god knows movie prices weren't what they are now, and one could reasonably see a movie 10 times - like there's anything reasonable about seeing a movie 10 times, but I digress.) Anyway, Grease, A reality show, Broadway bound performers or wannabe's whatever you wanna call em'. This just sounds too good to be true; and pretty much last weeks show proved that truer words were never spoken. I started calling the show "Grease - you're the one I don't want." I mean why the heck would you have people who are auditioning for a Broadway show, sing songs like "summer of 69 and Mony Mony." I might have understood if MAYBE those songs had been done to a Broadway style arrangement; but no, this was just pathetic w/ a capital P.
I must admit that one of the parts that annoyed me the most, wound up giving me such a laugh. I thought it was moronic that they gave a nickname to each Danny and Sandy. So one was Slacker Danny or Boy band Danny or Baby Sandy or Serious Sandy etc. But my absolute favorite, was "Spiritual Sandy," yes the girl who sings w/ church groups professionally chose to sing "suddenly I see" by KT Tunstall. I thought that this was a very peculiar choice for her but it tickled me silly every time she sang "why the HELL it means so much to me." I mean that line must be in the song at least 5-10 times and "Spiritual Sandy," sang on "Why the Hell, it means so much to me." Teehee. It was just awful. I'm thoroughly disappointed, though there are a couple of real hottie Danny guys. Truth be told, I'm just gonna watch in hopes that my boy John Travolta comes out one night to reprise his role - yum, yum, I love me some John Travolta. So I'll continue watching and waiting or maybe I'll just watch my Grease DVD and put myself out of my misery. Heck, even Grease 2 would be better than this. Can you say Adrian Zmed?? (Whatever happened to that joker?? ) For those of you - who have not seen this spectacle, you're probably lucky; however, the few minutes it took you to just read that tirade was a complete waste of your time. SORRY!! And for you I offer that I'm also considering writing about regular TV shows, like the genius I believe to be "Boston Legal."
What can I say - James Spader, James Spader, James Spader. No longer playing a spoiled, rich boy in 80's teen movies; all grown up and at his very best, Candace Bergen, I loved her as Murphy Brown and I say as Shirley Schmidt she's JUST as good - and even Shat. I for one have NEVER seen an episode of Star Trek or TJ Hooker and I didn't even care for his Priceline commercials, but this man was definitely born to be Denny Crane. Gosh, what a brilliant show. I think it kicks Ally McBeal's butt. Yes I know Ally isn't on anymore, but it's all David Kelly and this is much, much, better and smarter; though I must say I don't know who in their right mind would buy Delta Burke as a Jew?? Bella Horowitz my big toe. I see her and I just think Suzanne Sugarbaker (Designing Women;) another smartly written, awesome show, but not a Jewish girl amongst them; which is ironic since most everyone knows how us Jewish girls like to decorate - sometimes a little TOO much; and if you don't have any clue what I'm talking about with these shows either - again I say "Sorry," a few more minutes of your time wasted. My bad!!
Now, if none of this appeals to you; I think I'll also blog about everyday stuff. Thoughts, opinions, incidents. Because, let me just tell you that I am an incident waiting to happen. Rarely does anything go off without a hitch for me, so pretty much it's ALWAYS something. I've ALWAYS got a story to tell and now I finally have a forum to tell it. Not to mention that I'm married to Ricky Ricardo personified so what more could you ask for. My home is akin to an "I Love Lucy" episode on a daily basis; I just have interchangeable Mertzes.
Till next time...

How the Ride Began Part 2

Disclaimer: This blog was previously published in the form of an email. To those readers who were in my Oscar pool or test market, I apologize for the re-run, and assure you that this will be the last one. My next blog will be brand spankin new; so please indulge me this one more time.

Fasten your seat belts; it's gonna be a bumpy ride...
SO back in the day; (the day being HS, college and basically pre-marriage,) I had a lot of male friends. Yes, some friends with benefits some others just friends; (I know what you're thinking; and you're probably right - LOL) I had plenty of female friends too of course (though not with benefits; haha) but anyway, A lot of male friends.
So once upon a time I was engaged to this former Chippendales dancer. In my opinion he was HOT, and obviously many would agree (though probably not my older friends b/c they hated him; and with good reason.) You see, HOT yes but good, NO. He couldn't keep a job while we were together, he stole from me and my friends, he had anger mgmt issues, and maybe a drinking problem and basically he was self-admittedly obsessed with me. I bring this up because I remember that when we were together , sometimes while I was at work, I would talk to this male friend on the phone; and though he was not as HOT as my then fiancé , I would get off the phone and I would feel so exhilarated. A little mind f_ck if you will; AND that Mind f_ck was AMAZING!! Anyway, I realized that the way I felt after some of these conversations was alot more important than how hot my man was or how much he loved me. I had a cerebral need and it wasn't being met. So I dumped him.
Now you may ask why I share this with you, and believe me, you know me; though it may take me long to get there; I always have a point. So when I wrote, James Spader, James Spader, James Spader when praising Boston Legal; one of my dear friends came back with James Spader vs. McDreamy (Grey's Anatomy) NO WAY!! So to this I reply - it's not always about the looks. I'm not saying that James Spader is hotter than McDreamy in a physical sense; (though he's not uneasy on the eyes;) but the way he delivers his monologues on BL - What a MIND F_CK!! I mean if you saw it last night - Gail O'Grady's character (the judge on JS's case;) was TOTALLY into him for his conduct, his repartee, his mind F_CK, if you will. Think about it people, the brain is as much a sexual organ as any other that we have. If you have a partner that challenges you intellectually and stimulates your awareness, this will go much farther then having a partner who is just downright good looking; cause - looks have been known to fade (just in some people's cases.) So yes; again I praise James Spader for giving me that delicious feeling after he's pushed the envelope for the umteenth time. Bravo James, Bravo, keep it coming. And Kudos to David Kelly, I mean SSAD - Same Sex Attraction Disorder; how friggin funny was that... For those of you who don't watch I'm sorry, you don't know what you're missing; and hopefully next time I'll blog about something that has some more meaning to you. As for McDreamy I don't think he brings as much to the table in the brains department, but if y'all enjoy looking at him; have at it. I still look at him and see him doing the African Ant Eater ritual in "Can't buy me love;" remember that 80's B Rate film ?? Don't get me wrong, amongst other things that I consider myself the Queen of; I am the queen of 80's B rate films. About Last Night; I could recite word for word, same with St. Elm's Fire, Sixteen Candles, Grease 2 (as previously mentioned,) and too many more too numerous to name. I enjoyed Can't buy me love; I'd watch it right now if it was on and I had the time; but McDreamy?? I don't know.
I on the other hand am fortunate enough to have a husband who is a total cutie, pretty funny and definitely smart - but for my mind F_CK; i'll tune in to BL.
Till next time...


Saturday, March 10, 2007


This week it has come to my attention that I use the word "ironic" alot; and I suppose that I might be the Queen of Irony. OK I'll admit it, I think irony is GOOD, I enjoy irony. I mean you must give irony credit where credit is due. Sometimes ironic situations are funny, or they just make your story.
So, if you will remember, I previously mentioned that my brother is a tattooist in Hollywood. What I did not elaborate on, is that his clientele includes a number of well known people in the music business. (Visit if you would like to find out who he tattoos and see his extraordinary work. OK so I'm a little biased, but you'll see for yourself; the guy is a genius,) and yes that was a shameless plug. LOL
So with all that said, here is one of the best ironies of my week. Remember my first blog where I kinda criticized Alanis Morriset and the things that she thought were "ironic?" Well my brother got a call to do a tattoo for a well know music person this evening and guess who it is?
Yup, Alannis Morriset.... Now "Isn't it ironic; don't ya think? A little too ironic.."
Till next time...

Friday, March 9, 2007

Catching up with Forrest Whittaker

Have you been checking out the comments I'm getting? You guys are so kind. Thank you so much for encouraging me. I'm really glad that you're enjoying being part of the insanity that is my life. I guess being a person who tries to be funny- it only stands to reason that I would have funny friends; and some of you guys just make me LMAO. But hey you never know, being friends with me could turn out to be a bit like Candid Camera; you never know when something you say just might turn up in my blog. You know you want to. Some of you have already hinted at what I might write about you. So be prepared, you never know, when the blog applies - it just may be your turn.
Now I must admit, I was rather surprised that Denise Richards has already found her way to my blog. I guess I shouldn't be as surprised about Forrest Whittaker finding me since after all, we are on the same team.

OK let me explain... Now for those of you who are in my Oscar pool, this blog is gonna be a bit of been there done that for you; but I think it's only fair to everyone else if I explain my connection to Oscar winner, Forrest Whitaker.

I have previously explained that I am the Oscar Mistress for my annual pool. So the following is an email that I sent to the pool participants:
Hello swimmers;
Tis I again; your dedicated Oscar Mistress. You may recall that a couple of years ago, I told you all that I was going to be keeping my Oscar emails to a minimum; that I was going to send my initial email, a reminder or two, my picks, and then the wrap up. Well I stuck with that for awhile; mostly because I had kids to nurse and diapers to change, but lately I've been enjoying my Oscar emails so much that I've been thinking that I might try my hand at blogging. I mean I LOVE to write, and people have been known to tell me I'm funny, and god knows that I amuse myself no end but most importantly, I think everyone is entitled to my opinion. Just kidding!! Anyway, I thought I'd use my Oscar commentary as a jumping off point and you guys get to be my test market so to speak.
So for those of you who aren't keeping track, Helen Mirren, Jennifer Hudson (WOOHOO), Forrest Whittaker and Eddie Murphy are all 2 for 2. Each has won the Golden Globe and the SAG. Somebody better start thinking for them self out there in voterland or it's gonna be one boring Oscar pool. Poor Forrest Whittaker, someone really better write an Oscar acceptance speech for him and then he can just act when he accepts. I mean really, his acceptance speeches are as bad as Peter Jackson's Oscar attire - and yet my heart goes out to them both - poor souls. Yah, poor souls winning Oscar's. I'm sure they'll be touched to know that the Queen of EVERYTHING in Peoria, AZ has her heart going out to them. Actually, me and Forrest Whittaker are on the same team according to my brother.

You see (for those of you who don't know, my brother is a tattoo artist in Hollywood;) one day he called me up and asked me if it's Mow (pronounced Mao for the sake of this email) or Mow (like mow your lawn for the sake of this email.) SO anyway, back to the story, mow or mow? SO I say mow (mao) and he of course disagrees and says it's mow. He then tells me that his friend Jules is on my team, and so is Forrest Whittaker. (Yup Forrest Whittaker who it looks like might win the Oscar, ) OK, so my brother and Jules were walking down some pier and they were having the mow/mow debate and Forrest Whittaker was walking by so they asked him if it was mow or mow and he said "I don't know, mow (mao) I guess;" hence he's on my team. So maybe since WE ARE on the same team; he'll care that my heart goes out to him and I think he needs a more engaging speech. Maybe I should email one to my brother (a speech that is;) and have him troll the pier until he runs into Forrest again, and then he could slip him MY speech. What; it could happen - hahaha! And just as an aside it is interesting to note that EVERYONE that I've asked about mow or mow have all said mow (mao.) Go figure.
Now, even though I'm on the don't like side; I'll mention that Little Miss Sunshine won for best ensemble cast -but again another hideous acceptance. I thought it would have been a lot better if they all got up there and did their dance. LOL - But maybe they're saving that up for the Oscar's, or maybe I should have my brother troll the pier for them too; to slip them MY idea, b/c my god, that would be a hoot, if I do say so myself. Remember - If it happens; you heard it here first.
Now, if you enjoyed this email, your positive feedback will be most greatly appreciated. If you thought this email was a boring, waste of your time; I offer my sincerest apologies and ask that you let me down gently b/c blogging Queen is my newest fantasy and I'm not quite ready for that bubble to be popped just yet. I mean I'm still getting over not being able to have my way w/ Maks from dancing with the Stars. LOL

OK, so after I sent this, amidst the positive feedback, I was informed that many people had NO IDEA what I was talking about with the whole Mow/Mow thing. So I sent the following:

Hello again everyone;
I promise that this is not going to become a daily thing; however, it has been brought to my attention that not everyone may know what I'm talking about when I say mow (mao) in which case, my last blog looks like the ramblings of a lunatic. You see for the sake of brevity (believe it or not;) I didn't want to give the background on mow; but now for clarity's sake I will.
So back in the day (the day pretty much being the eighties;) there was an expression, (at least back in NY there was,) that like when you were absolutely starving, you would say something to the effect of "I'm gonna mow," So mow like eat; but I mean if you were like, seriously, seriously hungry. What's left up for debate is if it's pronounced mow (mao) or mow (like to mow your lawn.) I know that my mow (mao), doesn't necessarily make as much sense as mow might, b/c one might think, mow; tear the food apart like a lawn mower, but for whatever reason, I KNOW the expression is mow (mao) and ironically enough so does every person that I've asked, and my brother's friend Jules and MOST importantly for the sake of this story, so does Forrest Whittaker. LOL. Yet my brother, who grew up in the exact same place as me; insists that it is mow, and ironically enough everyone he asked besides, me, Jules and Forrest Whittaker, say it is mow. Again I say Go figure.
So I hope that makes more sense to any of you who had no freakin idea what I was talking about.
Also, in my last email I wrote - Maybe I should email one to my brother (a speech that is;) and have him troll the pier until he runs into Forrest again, and then he could slip him MY speech. I would like to point out, that my brother does not "troll piers." He said that he ran into FW at Venice Beach. I don't know if that's considered more of a boardwalk than a pier; but he didn't enjoy the notion of people thinking he was "trolling piers," so please understand that I took a little artistic license with that expression, because I didn't know the exact location of where he and Jules were but mostly because trolling the pier just sounded so damn funny. Sorry bro!

Lastly, I forgot to mention this before, but you all may soon be rich beyond your wildest dreams. You see, my friend Jackie (who is jumping into our pool for the first time this year,) used to be a casting director in Hollywood. Jackie has worked with many, many stars and one of them was Eddie Murphy. SOOO, Jackie says to me "There is no way that Eddie Murphy is going to win an Oscar; he's a pain in the ass to work with and a total womanizer and there is no way that people are going to vote for him." (Actually, I believe she even went so far as to predict that he would not even get the Oscar nomination, - Ahhem I clear my throat.) So, with this Jackie says "I'm SO sure that Eddie Murphy will not get an Oscar that if he wins I will shit you and everyone else in the pool a gold brick." Anywhoo, With 2 wins under his belt now, Jackie is hard at work on those gold bricks - I'll keep you posted.

OK so there you have it; Forrest (Now Oscar winner) Whittaker is on MY team, and hence you may see a comment from him from time to time. Oh, this is so much fun.
So once again I have been anything but brief, and I apologize but since people were referencing trolling piers and Forrest, I just wanted you to all be in the loop - because after all, I do consider myself to be the Queen of Fairness; at least I try.
Till next time...

Thursday, March 8, 2007

American Idol?

Tonight I am the Queen of Discontentment... I mean, what the heck is going on with American Idol? How many times do Randy, Paula and Simon need to remind everyone that it's a singing competition? I think my friend Lesa summed it up the best, (when I called her right after the show and she answered the phone with) "Are you freakin kidding me?" My sentiments exactly. OK, so let me be more clear...

First of all, Antonella and Jared definitely needed to go; and they did - but Hayley over Sabrina, and Sangria over Sundance? C'mon - who is voting for these jokers? (I know his name isn't really Sangria, but I couldn't even begin to spell it and I'm hoping that he's not gonna be around long enough for me to have to learn.) Once again, I think my friend Lesa put it best, when Sangria and Antonella got to stay on last week; she said "Plllease, my cat sings better than them." Well I say - next year Lesa, bring your cat to the auditions, and when Simon asks you why in the world you've brought your cat? (Now you have to have read that to yourself with an English accent. LOL) You can just tell him, "well, last year you put Sangria and Antonella through and my cat sings better than them; so I thought... why not?"
And while I'm on the subject of Antonella - Why was it OK to kick Frenchie (a real contender) out of season 2 for posing in some lingerie on the Internet and this girl gets to stay in? Hmm, maybe if Frenchie wasn't a big girl, things would have been different. I say No fair!!

Hayley seems like a nice girl but her voice just doesn't compare to Melinda, Lakeisha, Stephanie and yes, Sabrina. Gina is good for a white girl, but she really can't compete with the likes of the aforementioned. Now Jordin; I like me some Jordin, and she deserves to be right where she is, I just don't think she'll be in it for the long haul.

Now let's get back to the guys. Blake, Chris and Chris - I like em' but I don't think any of the em are the next Idol. I think Brandon needs to go back to being a back up singer and I even would have put Sundance in before him.
I guess I shouldn't complain, because I didn't vote on Tuesday night- but that was because I felt scorned from last week when America let AJ go. I LIKED AJ!! I thought he was GREAT.
He was FUN, he was Different, he was GAY. (Oops, did I say that?) Well, what the heck, like Sangria's not? To quote Seinfeld, "Not that there's anything wrong with that." Hell, some of my VERY best friends are gay - so we know I'm not being um, what's the word - well, you know what I mean. (Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that. LOL) But some of our most dynamic, exciting, incredible performers are gay. Look at Elton, and Melissa, and Boy George; OK maybe not Boy George, but back in the day, boy? was GOOD.
Anyway, AJ rocked and I really enjoyed him. I kept hoping that someone would get arrested or turn up naked on a website so that Idol could bring AJ back; but so far that just hasn't happened. =0( OK - so to the point, I didn't vote; so I guess I have no right to complain that Sangria and Hayley are in and Sundance and Sabrina are out.

Now, I did vote for a girl- and it was Jordin. Mostly because I was watching it on tape and she was the first one and I like her; so I voted like 8 times; but when you're talking about millions of votes - what's 8 really? Not enough to keep AJ; I'll tell ya that.

OK, so the judges cautioned you America; "singing contest, singing contest." What does everyone want to see Sangria do so badly, that they keep putting him through? Now Hayley, yeah, she can sing. I'll just say it though - not like the sistahs!! It is Lakeisha and Melinda's contest to lose. And furthermore; I want to say that this nonsense about putting in 6 guys and 6 girls is rubbish. I say go back to season 1 and put in whoever is THE BEST; and if it's all girls, so be it, or just 3 guys, well OK. I just don't think it's fair that someone would lose their shot because of a quota, when this is supposed to be a "singing competition."

Now of the 3 judges Simon is my favorite - probably because he tells it like it is (hmm, now who does that sound like? No wonder I like him. =0) Anyway, Simon made a good point a few weeks ago when Antonella brought up the fact that he didn't like Jennifer Hudson. Simon said "we put her through, but America didn't pick her;" and he was right. I was not a Jen fan when she was on idol. In fact, I couldn't wait for her to leave; but as Effie, she was on the money (though she's lucky Lakeisha didn't audition for that part.) Will she ever act again, (Jen) my money says not likely, and if so, it's definitely not gonna be Oscar worthy. I could be wrong, but I think she is a one trick pony. But back to the original point - it's America's choice.

Now the judges want to get all down on us for putting these numnuts through; but they are the ones who put them in the top 24 to begin with. C'mon, they had to have had some hint before the live shows, that some of them weren't gonna cut it- but huh, there you go, maybe some of them were there to make the others look better, make better TV and who would have thought that America would have put the wrong ones through? No, not America... Anyone remember the Bush/Gore election? Need I say more?

OK, I have probably spent way too much time ranting about this. I've got kids to put to sleep and laundry to fold; not to mention I have to be up at 415 for work. So right about now I'm just the Queen of Wishful thinking, and hopefully America will get on the ball and listen to Simon. C'mon America - Just say NO...To Sangria!!
Till next time...

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Ralph Lauren

Yesterday I was talking to my friend Trish after I picked up my older daughter from preschool. Trish was telling me how funny she thought my last blog was (Thanks Trish,) and how she was cracking up when I was writing about wanting to leave my 40 lb stomach somewhere after a thrill ride. I told her that I actually deliberated over how many lbs to say, because I have no idea what my stomach would really weigh and that I was hoping that I was overestimating.

Anyway, in the course of saying this I added "because I am the Queen of Sarcasm;" and then I thought - ugghh, I forgot to mention that one. So since I did advise in my last blog that if I was Queen of something, I'd let you know, go ahead, add that to the list - Queen of Sarcasm.

Now, here's the irony, and I don't mean Alanis Morriset - "black fly in your Chardonnay, rain on your wedding day" irony (I'm sure that someone more clever than me has already pointed out that such occurrences are not irony- just unfortunate;) but real irony. I am married to a wonderful, kind, Mexican man and my sarcasm is COMPLETELY wasted on him; as Mexicans (well at least my Mexican,) don't understand sarcasm and the art form that it is. Now, that's irony - the Queen of Sarcasm, and the spouse just doesn't get it. He does; however, think I'm funny for the most part- which I thank god for or my ego would be the size of a pea.

So back to Trish. I was telling her that while I was trying to find a way for my readers to be notified when I posted a blog; I found an article that said blogs were usually brief. Um, I guess I am not the traditional blogger then; because as you may have already noticed, I am NOT the Queen of Brevity. God help me I try, really I do, but I just don't seem to have an internal edit button; and even when I try to make a long story short, or say that I'm going to make a long story short - I DON'T, I just CAN'T, and I'm SO sorry for those of you who have to endure me when I talk; and apparently when I write.
In fact, just after I graduated from college, I was suffering from TMJ (it's a terrible pain in one of the joints in your mouth - to simplify for anyone who hasn't heard of it.) Anyway, I went to a specialist and not only did he remark on how small physically my mouth was (again, REAL irony,) but he said that he would have thought I would have learned to keep my mouth shut long ago. I'm thinking he thought it could contribute to the pain because of the stress on the joint?? (But who knows -it's just funny.) He also told me NOT to keep my mouth open for long periods of time - (But that would be another story, perhaps an X rated one - LOL) Anyway, self admittedly, NOT the Queen of Brevity - so if you're looking for a brief blog; I'm probably not for you, BUT that article did also say that some people post several times a day - and figure, there's no way that I'm gonna be able to do that. I probably won't even post everyday. So maybe one long post will be OK then?? At least I hope so.

So back to my husband. My husband is the Front Desk Manager at a resort in Scottsdale; and as such, people are often turning items in to him that they have found in their rooms or at the pool or whatever. He also finds quite a bit himself when he walks the property. Actually he finds stuff everywhere. I mean a few years ago we were in the ocean in San Diego, and he found a wallet, yes in the ocean. It had like $60 which yes, he kept because he turned the wallet in to the lifeguard and you know he would have kept the cash- (the lifeguard).
So anyway - he finds stuff. OK, so when someone turns something in at the resort, they have the option to put their name on it and if no one claims it in 90 days - it's theirs. Most often, people opt not to put their name on it, so my husband then puts his. This process has turned out really well for him as he's gotten a Baum and Mercier watch (valued at over $2000) gift cards, jewelry (though nothing I've liked unfortunately because I guess I'm the Queen of Picky) and enough sun glasses to open his own store.

Well yesterday when he met me at my job (so that I could go to work) he showed me a pair of Ralph Lauren sunglasses (w/ a case that said Ralph Lauren) and he asked me if I thought they were boys; ( because of the size, shape etc.) I said "yes." Aha - just "yes" believe it or not; LOL and then he said that he was going to give them to my son (7 1/2 yrs old) and I said "ok," aha - just "ok," LOL and then I went to work.
When I got home that night, my son was very excited to show me the sunglasses as well as the case that they came in. My son said, "Look at my cool new sunglasses. Dad gave them to me because a boy at the hotel lost them. His name was Ralph Lauren." Well, you know I just laughed hysterically, and I asked my son why he thought the boy's name was Ralph Lauren and then he showed me the case; which (I told you) said 'Ralph Lauren.' OMG - Too funny. So I explained to my son that Ralph Lauren was the name of the designer that made the glasses, not the name of the boy. See who could make this stuff up??
Oh, and don't even think about posting that you lost a Baum and Mercier watch or a wallet with $60 - and you wondered why I didn't post the Resort name - hahaha I am NOT the Queen of Gullible.
Till next time...