Monday, January 19, 2009

On The Fence

Our soccer season is starting to wind down; so a few weeks ago, Lyndzi's Coach asked if we were going to want to have practice on MLK Day, (because we typically practice on Mondays, but it was a long weekend.) The majority of parents agreed to come to practice; but I don't think that any of us were prepared for what we found when we arrived... The gate of the chain link fence that leads out to the field was locked. Yes, the 5 foot gate was LOCKED.

People started hoisting their kids over the fence so that they could get on with practice. The coach jumped the fence pretty easily. We lifted Lyndzi, then Kelsie followed by my friend Maryanne; who then expected that I would be next. Well, she's my friend, but she doesn't know me very well; so she clearly had no idea that she was just expecting WAY too much of me, if she thought that I could get my STILL overweight ass over that fence.
We were all laughing at the prospect of me trying to make it over, when Michelle (she thinks it pretty much takes an act of congress to become legally) K's husband Mike arrived on the scene. Mike's known me a long time now; so he knew that it would be nearly impossible for me to get myself over the fence.
Maryanne offered to watch my girls so that I could go run an errand or something, but hey - if we've learned anything about me in these (almost) 2 years of writing "TBR," it's that 1 - I'm NOT a quitter and 2- I can never resist an opportunity that could potentially be an awesome blog; and by awesome blog I mean an event that is TOTALLY ridiculous and doesn't typically happen to MOST people. I even went as far as to say to Mike; "You know that I want to do this, just so that I can blog about it; because I could just as easily watch Lyndzi's practice from parking lot side of the fence."
We were laughing the entire time. SO much so, that I was afraid that I was going to pee my pants. I was wearing jeans that were a size smaller, than what I have been wearing (so they weren't as loose fitting as my usual attire.) I had on flip flops (not the footwear of choice for climbing ANYTHING) AND I believe that I've previously mentioned (about 600 times) that I am the Queen of KLUTZ'S so all of these factors didn't add up to a very optimistic climb. Nonetheless, I persevered. I made several, valiant attempts at the fence that everyone else jumped, but I couldn't support my weight to get both legs up on the fence at the same time. We then tried another location, with a different type of gate; but I was not successful there either. Finally I thought, "well, I could back my minivan up and climb up off of that, so at least I'd start off a little higher;" but then I had to be concerned about how I'd get back. Mike had NO interest in even trying to jump the fence. He said that he'd stay on the parking lot side, because someone would have to be able to drive my kids home, in case I couldn't climb back over - LOL. It was at this point that I realized that there was a tubular bar running along the other side of the fence; so I could probably step up onto that, upon my return. I asked Mike to back his truck up since it would be higher than my minivan. I took a deep breath, and climbed up.
I put my usual fears aside, threw my other leg over and jumped; THAT'S RIGHT - I said JUMPED down. I was SO proud of myself. And just in case I had doubted it for a minute; I knew that I definitely had a lot more weight to lose. (I'm aiming for another 6lbs by Feb 17, which will be one year since I joined the gym and 40 lbs - but boy, do I have a lot farther to go!)
Pictures courtesy of Mike and his phone.
Who during my climb suggested that a wedgie
might be in order; but thankfully thought better of it.

Practice usually ends at 6, so at a few minutes to 6; Maryanne and I packed our stuff up and ventured back over to the gate; JUST in case it was going to take me a while to climb back over. We lifted Kelsie, and Maryanne's daughter, then went Maryanne; and it was time for me. I lifted my foot onto the bar and then placed it lengthwise upon it. I then proceeded to lift my other leg, whilst praying that I did not pee my pants or slip and injure my vajayjay (OR brake a leg.) I then miraculously made it to the top of the gate, and again jumped down the 5 feet without so much as injuring any body parts, peeing or tearing my pants or making a huge scene. And I can't remember being this proud of myself in a
very long time.

Let's just put it this way. As soon as I came home and told Luis that I had to jump the fence, he started laughing and followed with "OH; well this cant be good." He knows me so well. He was fully expecting me to tell him some tale of how I hurt myself, or someone else, or wimped out, OR SOMETHING, but instead I told him the story that I just told you - and after the shock wore off; he congratulated me.
Oh, the lengths that I will go to; just to bring you an entertaining story. It must leave one to wonder WHAT could possibly come next? Please stay tuned to find out.
Till Next time... Queen of EVERYTHING


Michelle said...

HAHAHAH!!! Queue up the Rocky music!!! You are a CHAMP! and my HERO!!!

Rachel said...

I was totally envisioning this post going another way! But I bet if it had, there wouldn't be pictures. Well, Mike might have still taken pictures but I'm not sure you would have uploaded them. Actually, maybe you would!

That's brave - I would NOT have made that climb. But anyway, how much more could you damage your vajayjay after giving birth to 3 kids!!!