You Know You Have a Problem When... #4

You know you have a problem when... You run an annual Oscar pool, and not only haven't you seen any of the potential nominees; but you've never even heard of them!
Do I REALLY have to say anymore... Probably not; but it is "The Bumpy Ride"after all; so off we go.

I honestly cannot believe that it's this time of year already. I know that over the past few years, the Oscars have been coming earlier and earlier, but it just doesn't seem that long ago that I wrapped up my pool from last year. Oscar pool that is - Gold statues, Botox, Movie stars. Y'all come back now - ya hear. (OK, so I indulge myself a little bit from time to time- I'm allowed.)
But I digress. It seems appropriate to me, that I should blog about my Oscar pool, since it actually was the precursor for "The Bumpy Ride."
I believe that I have previously mentioned that I am The Oscar Mistress; of my pool and as such, I send several emails to the participants. I often comment on the outcomes of the award shows that occur prior to the Oscar's, the speeches, the attire etc. You know me - Queen of COMMENTING; and so after several lengthy, opinionated emails, I thought that I might try my hand at blogging and that is how "The Bumpy Ride" was conceptualized. I can't believe my 2 year anniversary is right around the corner. I may just have to make it my goal to get 100 blogs in by my anniversary date; so please stay tuned.

Anyway, I don't know what rock I have been living under; (perhaps it's the rock of work, my family, my blog, SFTIO, soccer, the soccer board, the gym - hmmm) but seriously, when I watched the Golden Globes, I had never even heard of the majority of the movies that were up for awards. Maybe I really need to stop watching 2 month old episodes of General Hospital - LOL I mean if I was current on my TV viewing then I would see adds for current movies - tell me, is Legally Blonde 2 still playing? ha ha - just kidding. But you get the point.

I have always had the luck of getting information in a timely manner. What I mean is; I might not have been up on something (in the news, usually) but somehow, just at the right time I find out about it, so that when someone mentions it to me I don't wind up sounding like a blithering idiot; because I actually (by some stroke of luck) know what they're talking about. Well, this was NOT the case the other day at soccer. I was talking to my friend Theresa (who is in the pool) and she was mentioning how Frost?Nixon was expected to take several awards. Well, I had never heard of Frost/Nixon and she couldn't think of the name of the movie. She was trying to describe it, and she was saying "You know; the one about Nixon;" and I said "You mean W?" Oh yes I did (you can feel bad for me; it's OK, I know that's pretty pathetic - but in my mind he's just as bad if not worse, so it made perfect sense to me.) Anyway, so I knew that there was going to be some movie that had something to do with Nixon. Then she said that she had seen "Slumdog Millionaire," but since I had never heard of that either, I just nodded because I had no idea what she was even saying. BUT, fast forward to the Golden Globes and "Slumdog" kicked some major booty. I TOTALLY want to see it now; and posted my status on Facebook as "Dying to see Slumdog Millionaire," and you would not believe how many people sent me messages telling me how amazing it is. SO, in case you've never heard of it, or haven't seen it - I have received MANY, MANY recommendations so you may want to check it out.

I think the biggest shock of the Golden Globes HAD to be that Mickey Rourke beat Sean Penn for the Best Actor in a drama category. Now, don't get me wrong. I used to love me some Mickey Rourke, back in the day. When I was in college (in Southampton;) we could not get very good TV reception, so we watched a lot of videos; and one of the videos that I owned and watched over and over again, was "9 1/2 Weeks;" and Why did I watch "9 1/2 Weeks" over and over again? That's right - because I'm a pervert. LOL No, no, just kidding - I watched it because I thought that Mickey Rourke was a freakin hottie!! Another movie that I love,that I used to watch over and over was "Diner," and yah, so Mickey Rourke just happened to be in that too - so you see what I mean here. I'm not picking on the Rourkster; I'm just saying that I don't think ANYONE, ever thought that Mick was the caliber actor that Spicolli is (oh, I am sorry I am just cracking myself up) OK, I mean Mr. Penn. And yet, he took it. Mickey got up there, and thanked his dogs; and not in the same way that Randy Jackson would mean it. He thanked his dogs past and present because he said "Sometimes all a man's got is his dogs."
OK, and so the fella did NOT age well. But I think we can attribute that to several years of hard living and many, many (failed) plastic surgeries. Look what A cutie he was; and I hate to say it but this "Now" pic, isn't even AS BAD as he actually looks right now - "Oh Mickey; you're (NOT) so fine." So sorry to have to say that. And PLEASE don't leave me a comment telling me that if can't say anything nice...

So, let me just say that I am SO excited for this year's Oscar nominations to be announced. I think it is going to be a GREAT year for the pool. A Great year for the Oscar's and if anyone would like more information about the pool, please email me at AsktheQOE@gmail.com It doesn't matter if I don't know you personally, because I don't know the majority of the people in the pool. The pool has grown by word of mouth from friends; so there are no total strangers, but most I will probably never meet.
The Oscar nominations will be announced at 530AM Pacific time on Thursday, January 22nd. The Oscar's will take place on Sunday Feb 22nd and be hosted by Hugh Jackman; which I am actually very optimistic about; even though he's no Billy Crystal. Now, how often do you think Billy Crystal will ever hear that being said - or Hugh Jackman for that matter? I mean other than comparing them as Oscar hosts, would anyone EVER say "That Hugh Jackman; he's no Billy Crystal;" LOL. Just something to think about.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Catching up with Forrest Whittaker

Have you been checking out the comments I'm getting? You guys are so kind. Thank you so much for encouraging me. I'm really glad that you're enjoying being part of the insanity that is my life. I guess being a person who tries to be funny- it only stands to reason that I would have funny friends; and some of you guys just make me LMAO. But hey you never know, being friends with me could turn out to be a bit like Candid Camera; you never know when something you say just might turn up in my blog. You know you want to. Some of you have already hinted at what I might write about you. So be prepared, you never know, when the blog applies - it just may be your turn.
Now I must admit, I was rather surprised that Denise Richards has already found her way to my blog. I guess I shouldn't be as surprised about Forrest Whittaker finding me since after all, we are on the same team.

OK let me explain... Now for those of you who are in my Oscar pool, this blog is gonna be a bit of been there done that for you; but I think it's only fair to everyone else if I explain my connection to Oscar winner, Forrest Whitaker.

I have previously explained that I am the Oscar Mistress for my annual pool. So the following is an email that I sent to the pool participants:
Hello swimmers;
Tis I again; your dedicated Oscar Mistress. You may recall that a couple of years ago, I told you all that I was going to be keeping my Oscar emails to a minimum; that I was going to send my initial email, a reminder or two, my picks, and then the wrap up. Well I stuck with that for awhile; mostly because I had kids to nurse and diapers to change, but lately I've been enjoying my Oscar emails so much that I've been thinking that I might try my hand at blogging. I mean I LOVE to write, and people have been known to tell me I'm funny, and god knows that I amuse myself no end but most importantly, I think everyone is entitled to my opinion. Just kidding!! Anyway, I thought I'd use my Oscar commentary as a jumping off point and you guys get to be my test market so to speak.
So for those of you who aren't keeping track, Helen Mirren, Jennifer Hudson (WOOHOO), Forrest Whittaker and Eddie Murphy are all 2 for 2. Each has won the Golden Globe and the SAG. Somebody better start thinking for them self out there in voterland or it's gonna be one boring Oscar pool. Poor Forrest Whittaker, someone really better write an Oscar acceptance speech for him and then he can just act when he accepts. I mean really, his acceptance speeches are as bad as Peter Jackson's Oscar attire - and yet my heart goes out to them both - poor souls. Yah, poor souls winning Oscar's. I'm sure they'll be touched to know that the Queen of EVERYTHING in Peoria, AZ has her heart going out to them. Actually, me and Forrest Whittaker are on the same team according to my brother.
You see (for those of you who don't know, my brother is a tattoo artist in Hollywood;) one day he called me up and asked me if it's Mow (pronounced Mao for the sake of this email) or Mow (like mow your lawn for the sake of this email.) SO anyway, back to the story, mow or mow? SO I say mow (mao) and he of course disagrees and says it's mow. He then tells me that his friend Jules is on my team, and so is Forrest Whittaker. (Yup Forrest Whittaker who it looks like might win the Oscar, ) OK, so my brother and Jules were walking down some pier and they were having the mow/mow debate and Forrest Whittaker was walking by so they asked him if it was mow or mow and he said "I don't know, mow (mao) I guess;" hence he's on my team. So maybe since WE ARE on the same team; he'll care that my heart goes out to him and I think he needs a more engaging speech. Maybe I should email one to my brother (a speech that is;) and have him troll the pier until he runs into Forrest again, and then he could slip him MY speech. What; it could happen - hahaha! And just as an aside it is interesting to note that EVERYONE that I've asked about mow or mow have all said mow (mao.) Go figure.
Now, even though I'm on the don't like side; I'll mention that Little Miss Sunshine won for best ensemble cast -but again another hideous acceptance. I thought it would have been a lot better if they all got up there and did their dance. LOL - But maybe they're saving that up for the Oscar's, or maybe I should have my brother troll the pier for them too; to slip them MY idea, b/c my god, that would be a hoot, if I do say so myself. Remember - If it happens; you heard it here first.
Now, if you enjoyed this email, your positive feedback will be most greatly appreciated. If you thought this email was a boring, waste of your time; I offer my sincerest apologies and ask that you let me down gently b/c blogging Queen is my newest fantasy and I'm not quite ready for that bubble to be popped just yet. I mean I'm still getting over not being able to have my way w/ Maks from dancing with the Stars. LOL

OK, so after I sent this, amidst the positive feedback, I was informed that many people had NO IDEA what I was talking about with the whole Mow/Mow thing. So I sent the following:

Hello again everyone;
I promise that this is not going to become a daily thing; however, it has been brought to my attention that not everyone may know what I'm talking about when I say mow (mao) in which case, my last blog looks like the ramblings of a lunatic. You see for the sake of brevity (believe it or not;) I didn't want to give the background on mow; but now for clarity's sake I will.
So back in the day (the day pretty much being the eighties;) there was an expression, (at least back in NY there was,) that like when you were absolutely starving, you would say something to the effect of "I'm gonna mow," So mow like eat; but I mean if you were like, seriously, seriously hungry. What's left up for debate is if it's pronounced mow (mao) or mow (like to mow your lawn.) I know that my mow (mao), doesn't necessarily make as much sense as mow might, b/c one might think, mow; tear the food apart like a lawn mower, but for whatever reason, I KNOW the expression is mow (mao) and ironically enough so does every person that I've asked, and my brother's friend Jules and MOST importantly for the sake of this story, so does Forrest Whittaker. LOL. Yet my brother, who grew up in the exact same place as me; insists that it is mow, and ironically enough everyone he asked besides, me, Jules and Forrest Whittaker, say it is mow. Again I say Go figure.
So I hope that makes more sense to any of you who had no freakin idea what I was talking about.
Also, in my last email I wrote - Maybe I should email one to my brother (a speech that is;) and have him troll the pier until he runs into Forrest again, and then he could slip him MY speech. I would like to point out, that my brother does not "troll piers." He said that he ran into FW at Venice Beach. I don't know if that's considered more of a boardwalk than a pier; but he didn't enjoy the notion of people thinking he was "trolling piers," so please understand that I took a little artistic license with that expression, because I didn't know the exact location of where he and Jules were but mostly because trolling the pier just sounded so damn funny. Sorry bro!

Lastly, I forgot to mention this before, but you all may soon be rich beyond your wildest dreams. You see, my friend Jackie (who is jumping into our pool for the first time this year,) used to be a casting director in Hollywood. Jackie has worked with many, many stars and one of them was Eddie Murphy. SOOO, Jackie says to me "There is no way that Eddie Murphy is going to win an Oscar; he's a pain in the ass to work with and a total womanizer and there is no way that people are going to vote for him." (Actually, I believe she even went so far as to predict that he would not even get the Oscar nomination, - Ahhem I clear my throat.) So, with this Jackie says "I'm SO sure that Eddie Murphy will not get an Oscar that if he wins I will shit you and everyone else in the pool a gold brick." Anywhoo, With 2 wins under his belt now, Jackie is hard at work on those gold bricks - I'll keep you posted.

OK so there you have it; Forrest (Now Oscar winner) Whittaker is on MY team, and hence you may see a comment from him from time to time. Oh, this is so much fun.
So once again I have been anything but brief, and I apologize but since people were referencing trolling piers and Forrest, I just wanted you to all be in the loop - because after all, I do consider myself to be the Queen of Fairness; at least I try.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING