Friday, March 9, 2007

Catching up with Forrest Whittaker

Have you been checking out the comments I'm getting? You guys are so kind. Thank you so much for encouraging me. I'm really glad that you're enjoying being part of the insanity that is my life. I guess being a person who tries to be funny- it only stands to reason that I would have funny friends; and some of you guys just make me LMAO. But hey you never know, being friends with me could turn out to be a bit like Candid Camera; you never know when something you say just might turn up in my blog. You know you want to. Some of you have already hinted at what I might write about you. So be prepared, you never know, when the blog applies - it just may be your turn.
Now I must admit, I was rather surprised that Denise Richards has already found her way to my blog. I guess I shouldn't be as surprised about Forrest Whittaker finding me since after all, we are on the same team.

OK let me explain... Now for those of you who are in my Oscar pool, this blog is gonna be a bit of been there done that for you; but I think it's only fair to everyone else if I explain my connection to Oscar winner, Forrest Whitaker.

I have previously explained that I am the Oscar Mistress for my annual pool. So the following is an email that I sent to the pool participants:
Hello swimmers;
Tis I again; your dedicated Oscar Mistress. You may recall that a couple of years ago, I told you all that I was going to be keeping my Oscar emails to a minimum; that I was going to send my initial email, a reminder or two, my picks, and then the wrap up. Well I stuck with that for awhile; mostly because I had kids to nurse and diapers to change, but lately I've been enjoying my Oscar emails so much that I've been thinking that I might try my hand at blogging. I mean I LOVE to write, and people have been known to tell me I'm funny, and god knows that I amuse myself no end but most importantly, I think everyone is entitled to my opinion. Just kidding!! Anyway, I thought I'd use my Oscar commentary as a jumping off point and you guys get to be my test market so to speak.
So for those of you who aren't keeping track, Helen Mirren, Jennifer Hudson (WOOHOO), Forrest Whittaker and Eddie Murphy are all 2 for 2. Each has won the Golden Globe and the SAG. Somebody better start thinking for them self out there in voterland or it's gonna be one boring Oscar pool. Poor Forrest Whittaker, someone really better write an Oscar acceptance speech for him and then he can just act when he accepts. I mean really, his acceptance speeches are as bad as Peter Jackson's Oscar attire - and yet my heart goes out to them both - poor souls. Yah, poor souls winning Oscar's. I'm sure they'll be touched to know that the Queen of EVERYTHING in Peoria, AZ has her heart going out to them. Actually, me and Forrest Whittaker are on the same team according to my brother.

You see (for those of you who don't know, my brother is a tattoo artist in Hollywood;) one day he called me up and asked me if it's Mow (pronounced Mao for the sake of this email) or Mow (like mow your lawn for the sake of this email.) SO anyway, back to the story, mow or mow? SO I say mow (mao) and he of course disagrees and says it's mow. He then tells me that his friend Jules is on my team, and so is Forrest Whittaker. (Yup Forrest Whittaker who it looks like might win the Oscar, ) OK, so my brother and Jules were walking down some pier and they were having the mow/mow debate and Forrest Whittaker was walking by so they asked him if it was mow or mow and he said "I don't know, mow (mao) I guess;" hence he's on my team. So maybe since WE ARE on the same team; he'll care that my heart goes out to him and I think he needs a more engaging speech. Maybe I should email one to my brother (a speech that is;) and have him troll the pier until he runs into Forrest again, and then he could slip him MY speech. What; it could happen - hahaha! And just as an aside it is interesting to note that EVERYONE that I've asked about mow or mow have all said mow (mao.) Go figure.
Now, even though I'm on the don't like side; I'll mention that Little Miss Sunshine won for best ensemble cast -but again another hideous acceptance. I thought it would have been a lot better if they all got up there and did their dance. LOL - But maybe they're saving that up for the Oscar's, or maybe I should have my brother troll the pier for them too; to slip them MY idea, b/c my god, that would be a hoot, if I do say so myself. Remember - If it happens; you heard it here first.
Now, if you enjoyed this email, your positive feedback will be most greatly appreciated. If you thought this email was a boring, waste of your time; I offer my sincerest apologies and ask that you let me down gently b/c blogging Queen is my newest fantasy and I'm not quite ready for that bubble to be popped just yet. I mean I'm still getting over not being able to have my way w/ Maks from dancing with the Stars. LOL

OK, so after I sent this, amidst the positive feedback, I was informed that many people had NO IDEA what I was talking about with the whole Mow/Mow thing. So I sent the following:

Hello again everyone;
I promise that this is not going to become a daily thing; however, it has been brought to my attention that not everyone may know what I'm talking about when I say mow (mao) in which case, my last blog looks like the ramblings of a lunatic. You see for the sake of brevity (believe it or not;) I didn't want to give the background on mow; but now for clarity's sake I will.
So back in the day (the day pretty much being the eighties;) there was an expression, (at least back in NY there was,) that like when you were absolutely starving, you would say something to the effect of "I'm gonna mow," So mow like eat; but I mean if you were like, seriously, seriously hungry. What's left up for debate is if it's pronounced mow (mao) or mow (like to mow your lawn.) I know that my mow (mao), doesn't necessarily make as much sense as mow might, b/c one might think, mow; tear the food apart like a lawn mower, but for whatever reason, I KNOW the expression is mow (mao) and ironically enough so does every person that I've asked, and my brother's friend Jules and MOST importantly for the sake of this story, so does Forrest Whittaker. LOL. Yet my brother, who grew up in the exact same place as me; insists that it is mow, and ironically enough everyone he asked besides, me, Jules and Forrest Whittaker, say it is mow. Again I say Go figure.
So I hope that makes more sense to any of you who had no freakin idea what I was talking about.
Also, in my last email I wrote - Maybe I should email one to my brother (a speech that is;) and have him troll the pier until he runs into Forrest again, and then he could slip him MY speech. I would like to point out, that my brother does not "troll piers." He said that he ran into FW at Venice Beach. I don't know if that's considered more of a boardwalk than a pier; but he didn't enjoy the notion of people thinking he was "trolling piers," so please understand that I took a little artistic license with that expression, because I didn't know the exact location of where he and Jules were but mostly because trolling the pier just sounded so damn funny. Sorry bro!

Lastly, I forgot to mention this before, but you all may soon be rich beyond your wildest dreams. You see, my friend Jackie (who is jumping into our pool for the first time this year,) used to be a casting director in Hollywood. Jackie has worked with many, many stars and one of them was Eddie Murphy. SOOO, Jackie says to me "There is no way that Eddie Murphy is going to win an Oscar; he's a pain in the ass to work with and a total womanizer and there is no way that people are going to vote for him." (Actually, I believe she even went so far as to predict that he would not even get the Oscar nomination, - Ahhem I clear my throat.) So, with this Jackie says "I'm SO sure that Eddie Murphy will not get an Oscar that if he wins I will shit you and everyone else in the pool a gold brick." Anywhoo, With 2 wins under his belt now, Jackie is hard at work on those gold bricks - I'll keep you posted.

OK so there you have it; Forrest (Now Oscar winner) Whittaker is on MY team, and hence you may see a comment from him from time to time. Oh, this is so much fun.
So once again I have been anything but brief, and I apologize but since people were referencing trolling piers and Forrest, I just wanted you to all be in the loop - because after all, I do consider myself to be the Queen of Fairness; at least I try.
Till next time...


Michelle Mikstas-Kalka said...

You blog is SO much more priceless than gold bricks!!! Of course if you had a gold brick you could actually quit your day job and do THIS full time!!!!

Loving the Bumpy RIde,

Moon Unit Zappa said...

How come, like, no one asked ME about some obscure 80's expression????? Like, what am I, grody?????

Anonymous said...

It was a close call on those gold bricks. Maybe I should give them to Forrest? I know Alan Arkin definetly deserves them. Helen doesn't get shit, she has enough prizes for a lifetime.

Navin R. Johnson said...

Run Forrest, run back to your old films that we all loved and cherished....can anyone say Vision Quest?!

Holly said...

It is definitely "mao"!