A Blessing In Disguise...

OK, it's official; I am a soccer mom!!
Beyond the fact that my family goes to soccer practice for an hour and a 1/2 on Tues, an hour on Wed and an hour and a 1/2 on Thursday; games on Saturday that last an hour plus a 1/2 hour of practice prior too; besides for the time that I'm putting in with that - I'm a soccer mom because I LOVE IT!!

I'll admit it; I'm TOTALLY addicted. During soccer season I live for Saturdays; and if there's a double header I am in my glory. I actually considered postponing my vacation for a day so that my kids could play their soccer games, but Luis put the kaboosh on that big time. Yeah, I'm totally one of those loud, embarrassing moms that tries to encourage their kid as well as the team. I cheer for all the kids and the team as a whole. Go Ethen, Yeah Andrew, Go SHOCKERS! Go Dragons!

This is Nicky's second year playing soccer and he was lucky enough to get on a wonderful team; with a fabulous coach (of course he got on that team AFTER there was an incident over his placement; because hey you know me - I'm the Queen of INCIDENTS, and nothing ever runs as smoothly as it should. Yes, the registrar in her infinite wisdom put my 3 kids on teams that practiced at the same time in 2 different places. Well, ya know I wasn't having that; and after I let them know that this just wouldn't be possible; they moved Nicky onto the Shockers and now all is right with the world. Other than WT (see previous blog "Here We Go Again - Oct. 11, 2007) I love everyone on the team and all of their parents. Oh yeah, and by the way, after my little conversation with WT, coincidentally she and her child didn't come to practice for 6 weeks and they've only come 2 1/2 times beyond that. HMMMM - was it something I said; like "I'm Jewish" - I wonder. Ironically enough Coach Russell is Jewish too and get this; he comes from the same county in NY that I come from; but he moved here when he was 5. I love Coach Russell, he's like another brother for me; in fact he could be Mine and Schmooley's long lost brother.

OK so let's round the bend here. So the Shockers are having a fabulous season and it has been really exciting to watch. Even Michelle (Not yet legally) K came to oneof the Shockers games last weekend after her son' soccer game. Nicky scored his first goal about a month ago and he was over the moon. Lyndzi on the other hand averages about 4 goals a game, but then again their field is about the size of a twister board - haha just kidding - but it is small. Lyndzi can pretty much score a goal with one kick from the center of the field, and I heard her coach (coach Bob) say, "we're going to have to make this field bigger just for Lyndzi. Coach Bob is a sweetie. Lyndzi played on his team last year and he came back to coach again, even though he hasn't had a kid in the league for 2 years. Get your minds outta the gutter - he's a nice guy and he's still on the board which is why he'd coach a little kids team when they aren't his kids; but the point is - because he knew Lyndzi he had kicked the ball around with Kelsie last year and he agreed to let her play this year even though she wasn't old enough. Kelsie looks really cute in her uniform and she's good at chasing the ball, she's just not so interested in kicking it. Anyway, Dragons or Shockers, I am always LOUD and PROUD!!

So I've been sick for almost 6 weeks now. I've come to find out it's a sinus infection which is no big surprise because I pretty much always have a sinus infection. Really I think about now I am Queen of SINUS INFECTIONS - not something that one should aspire to be, but I feel well qualified for the position now, so I'll accept the title. Anyway, this sinus infection has given me a lovely cough that will not go away, no matter what I've tried and believe me I've tried just about everything. I had laryngitis on Christmas eve day due to all the coughing, and cured that with a little homeopathic remedy of my mother in laws. I was actually willing to wait to try it because I know me having laryngitis is Luis' favorite Christmas present (it happened 2 years ago and I've never seen the man happier.) But his mom was anxious ot help so by Christmas night my voice was back - fast forward a few weeks and this past Friday night I start losing my voice. Perhaps having to shout in a restaurant/dance place contributed to my illness but come Sat morning, yup - no voice.

As we rode to soccer I whispered to Luis; in my best pouty whisper, "This just isn't fair. How am I gonna cheer for our team if I don't have a voice?" I was very dejected. I even told my friend Monica that she would have to cheer for Nicky or tell him to move his butt or whatever I felt the need to say to him. Now you have to keep in mind that Monica is from Venezuela and though she speaks perfect English, she has a pretty thick accent; so it went something like this "Ahh, Come on Nick; MOVE!! Your Mama said so!" - trailed off by "don't hate Monica." Now as luck would have it, we were losing, we were losing bad, and Nicky was putting in NO EFFORT what so ever which pissed me off because I had to get up at 615 to get them all to the field by 730 because both the Shockers & the Dragons had 8 o'clock games this week. So if I had to get up, being sick, get them all ready and freeze my butt off; hell ya - he'd better be moving his.
So maybe my laryngitis was a blessing in disguise. It spared my child from his mom behaving badly, and spared me from another journal entry in his Mommie Dearest Diary, and it's just one less thing for him to have to discuss in his therapy (No, not now, - years from now when he's convinced that I've ruined his life - yup, I'm aiming high.) Every time I do something questionable where my children are concerned I just think to myself - yup, that's another therapy session right there.
Till Next time...
Queen of the Soccer Mom's
Queen of EVERYTHING

What's in a name?

When I first started writing this blog, I made the conscious decision not to use the names of my family members. Thinking about it now; I can't remember why I made that decision, other than it having something to do with my fantasy that "The Bumpy Ride" would be read far and wide; and then the distinct possibility would exist that I might piss somebody off, in which case my families anonymity would be paramount. Ha Ha Ha.
So now we're in present day and I think it's safe to assume that my 8 readers - LOL all know my family members names; so from here on out I will refer to them as: Luis -my husband, also sometimes known as Eb (short for Ebenezer - need I say more...) or Ricky during my most Lucy-esque stories. My 8 1/2 year old son Nicolas,(aka Nicky) my 6 year old daughter Lyndzi and my 4 year old daughter, Kelsie (sometimes referred to as Stitch - yes, as in Stitch from Disney's "Lilo and Stitch" - again, need I say more?) I mean Queen of Over thinking that I am - you HAVE to know that I gave MORE than a great deal of thought and consideration to my children's names; so by all means, I should use them.
For instance, I wanted to name my son Noah. I was looking for a boy name that started with the letter N so that I could name him after my Grandfather Nathan. I LOVED the name Noah (and contrary to what Big V may think, it had nothing to do with Rick Springfield and GH - though would that be so bad?) Anyway, Luis was CERTAIN that his family (all residing in Mexico) would call him No-a. I myself didn't think that a short A sound should be that difficult for them; but he was adamant. I remember telling him, "OK, we'll make his middle name Jose and then they can call him No-A Jose." And for those of you who might not have picked up on my phonetic break down; it would be No Way Jose.
OK so we passed on Noah and decided on Nicolas instead; and in the meantime, my sister-in-law gave birth to Vladamir. That's right, you read that correctly; and yes they live in Mexico and NO they are not Russian, and guess what... No one has any trouble calling him Vlady (except me, because it's just weird) and now, we are awaiting the birth of my brother-in-law's son, Axel in May. Hmm, no short A in either of those names huh?? Luis says that we can change Nicky's name, but I think at 8 1/2 that ship has sailed. Aahh Well...

Luis is one of six children. His oldest sister is named Josefina (though she's only ever called Pina or cheppy. According to Luis, his older brother's name is Jose Guadalupe. Luis' given name is Jose Luis, and then there is Ignacio (Nacho), Alicia and Erika. Now although his given name is Jose Luis; in the 14 years that we have been together; I have NEVER heard anyone in his family call him Jose or even Jose Luis. It is ALWAYS Luis, and only Luis and same goes for his older brother - they call him Lupe or his wife calls him Guadalupe, but NEVER Jose Guadalupe or Jose. (Maybe I could call one of my Lisa's Jose instead of one of the Vietnamese names I chose, since Jose isn't really being used - haha) Anyway, when I fill out papers for Luis, I always put his first name as Jose Luis and then no middle name; but when he fills them out he puts Jose as the first and Luis as the middle. It has been the topic of many of our conversations as I have maintained that unlike George Foreman, his mom did not name 3 of her 6 children Jose. I have assured him that Jose Luis is his first name just as a woman's name might be Mary Ann; but he disagrees.
Now I don't know why I haven't thought of this before, but on our drive home to Puerto Vallarta, I told Luis "While we're home, we're going to ask your mom about your name." He laughed and said "OK." So one day we were having breakfast and I urged him to ask his mom about his name; and guess what... the Queen was right - Surprise! Surprise! Luis' first name is Jose Luis and NO middle name; to which my 37year old husband said "I didn't know that." Well allow me to introduce you to yourself - You are Jose Luis Ramos. Of course he will be having an embarrassing little chat with his HR department when he returns to work.

So, with one win under my belt; I decided to press my luck and while we were at Lupe's for lunch, I asked Luis to ask Lupe about his name. Luis once again was SURE that Lupe thought his first name was Jose and his middle was Guadalupe and I of course, feeling extremely confident, maintained that Jose Guadalupe was his first name; so imagine Luis' surprise when he found out that Lupe's given name was actually Lisa - ha ha just kidding, it's actually, just Guadalupe. Jose was used in his baptism but was no where to be found on his birth certificate - no wonder Luis has trouble remembering our kids names - Just kidding; he knows their names, he just forgets how to spell them. Say it with me "Who can make this stuff up?"
Till next time... Paige Karen Howell Ramos
Queen of EVERYTHING

I Love Colonel Angus

A few months ago Michelle (STILL not yet legally) K, told me about the most wonderful Saturday Night Live skit ever - and it has brought me hours of laughs and entertainment; so upon her suggestion, I am sharing the joy with you.

Now I know that when you hear the name Christopher Walken, you don’t immediately think “comedic genius;” but trust me when I tell you that Christopher Walken’s “Colonel Angus” is the all time funniest thing that I’ve EVER seen on SNL. Now, I’m not sure that my description will really do the skit justice, but if you haven’t seen it; basically Colonel Angus is a civil war colonel (played by Christopher Walken) and when you say “Colonel Angus” it sounds as if you’re saying cunnilingus and everything that they talk about, when talking about “Colonel Angus” is just hysterical. ie: A young woman is out on the porch and an older woman is in a rocker. The younger woman says “Tell me about Colonel Angus and the older woman says, “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Colonel Angus in these parts. Or “I’m not particularly fond of Colonel Angus…” Later the Colonel says “Don’t believe everything that you've heard about Colonel Angus…” I know; it’s a little juvenile, but I never claimed to be the Queen of Maturity and Colonel Angus makes me laugh,(well, not if it’s done right – haha) I hope that Michelle (not yet legally) K wasn’t the only one who got that.

Michelle (Not yet legally) K and I love to get together and talk about Colonel Angus; and since I am prone to being the Queen of Beating the dead horse, we can just go on and on all night - Colonel Angus is like that. When it's good, and fun, you just don't want to stop; and since Michelle and I are in full agreement that Colonel Angus would be a great name for a dog; we have amused ourselves for great lengths of time coming up with different scenarios for Colonel Angus. Now I don’t have a dog, nor do I plan on getting one anytime soon, so we started referring to Michelle’s dog Lady, as Colonel Angus - mostly because we thought it would be a riot if her son had to write something for school. He might say: Last night Mom told me to take a shower and Colonel Angus tried to jump in with me. Mom told me to get the dog out of the shower, because the shower was no place for Colonel Angus. Or how bout; Mom doesn’t like the dog to lay on our beds; she says Colonel Angus gets too many hairs on our bed and the floor is a much better place for Colonel Angus. She even bought a special pillow for Colonel Angus. HAHA… OK, you’re either laughing your butts off or you’re completely repulsed – SORRY!

Now, if you think you might enjoy Colonel Angus; let me warn you that It’s not so easy to find Colonel Angus anymore. I first viewed Colonel Angus on You Tube but now you can’t see Colonel Angus on You Tube, since it’s been taken off at SNL’s request. But if you’re determined and persistent, you may be lucky enough to find Colonel Angus and if you do, I guarantee that you are going to enjoy it. Colonel Angus always brings tears to my eyes and I hope it will do the same for you. Oh my god; I just can’t stop. See it’s addicting. It’s just too funny and I hope that you smiled.

And lastly,with Thanksgiving just a few days away, and the holidays rapidly approaching; let me just say that I am thankful for Colonel Angus (Oh boy, am I thankful.) I am thankful for my family, my friends and my readers; as well as for the opportunity to share my insanity with you.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Till next time…
Queen of EVERYTHING