Thursday, April 5, 2007

Big V

Disclaimer: This blog is not yet rated.

OK it's time... I've mentioned her a few times now; so I think it's only fair to explain how Ruthie(yah, I know - Ruth) has come to be known as Big V.
Ruthie and I became friends in 1983; after she asked my brother to the homecoming dance. LOL To quote Julia Roberts from "Pretty Woman," "Big mistake - HUGE;" haha only kidding Randy. Anyway, Ruthie has been my partner in crime and one of my closest friends. Ruthie was VERY close to my mom, which is enough to endear her to me forever; she has also seen me at my very best and my very worst- she's even lived with my, god help her.
When I talk, email or see Ruthie, we have a level of communication and understanding which is mostly based on 80's b-rate movies. We feel the need to quote lines to each other from "About Last Night," and "The Jerk," When we're talking, we find it necessary to make our voices sound like Navin R. Johnson; even if we're not talking about "the Jerk." OK - so we're troubled, but we're troubled together and that's the best part.

Now, back in the day (the day pretty much being when I was growing up;) there was a clothing store called Joyce Leslie. Classy name huh? You can tell what kind of clothes they sold, right? Well, it was like your everyday, regular clothes, trendy and not too pricey. As I got older, in the 80's it was always a good place to go for a going out outfit - so you get the picture.

In 1998, Ruthie told my husband and I that my brother had once told her that when he was a young boy, he used to love to go to Joyce Leslie with my mother because they had an open dressing room (no stalls, just a big room;) and he used to love to see the big vaginas. LOL OMG to write this I am realizing just how warped this is gonna sound...
Anyway, for some reason after hearing this story, we felt compelled to refer to Ruthie as "Big V," and it has been that way ever since. Big V is my son's godmother, so naturally he and my daughters refer to her as "Auntie V;" they have no idea what her real name is or that it is anything other than V. Oh I just can't wait for the day that I get to explain that one.
My brother goes by the name Randy; although that is not his given name, and my kids refer to him as Uncle Randy, so I am just waiting for the day that my kids find out, that Uncle Randy's name isn't really Uncle Randy, and Auntie V's name isn't really Auntie V. You think they'll still believe there's a Santa? Or you know what will come next; "Are you really my mom?"

I'm hoping that my entertainment doesn't scar them for life, because it is absolutely hysterical to me every time I hear them say "Auntie V." She is their Auntie V and they just think the world of her. They love her whether she's a big vagina or not.
Till next time...
Queen of Everything


Vagina R. Jones, Esq. said...

I laughed so hard MY vagina almost ejected itself! You are hysterical. (note the Latin root word hyster/o which refers to the female reproductive organs)

This is classic Queen of Everything!!

I think sometimes too just the word "vagina" is funny...and you used it enough to keep me laughing out loud.

Aunt JayJay said...

Your right the word vagina is in it's own right hysterical. Vajayjay, in the Queen's household, is also used as much now, as, hey and what's for dinner, mom. Karokee isn't the same without saying vajayjay and what gets me, is that I could (and sometimes do) pee my pants everytime. Especially when the girls say it and have no idea what they are saying. Long live the sisterhood of the traveling "VAJAYJAYS".

VJJ Association of America said...

Future possible "sneaks" into conversation:

"Mom, whats for dinner?"
'Braised vagina, dear"

"Honey what's that smell?"
"Why that's my new Vajajay! It's Lilac, do you like it?"

"Where is my clean underwear?"
"In the vagina, honey! Go ahead and grab it and be sure to close the Vagina when you're done!"

"WHo was that on the phone?"
"MY auth Vagina from Kentucky. Her and her daughter Urethra are coming out in September."

"WHen is dinner gonna be ready?"
"When my vagina heats up."

Seen on a car's license plate:


Miss Snooty Farkelboob said...

Unreal, I count on my daily blogs from this Queen of Everything, bitch, and where was my funny today? I gots no funny and therefore I gots no reason to pee my pants. But like the crack I'm smokin, I'm addicted to this ho's blogs like the last plate of chicken and waffles on a Saturday night. MMMM you know you want some. So here I sit Friday night, with no blog to reply to, well screw that Queenie, I'm just gonna blab on my own. HMMMM it's harder than I thought, I can't think of a damn thing to say, which for me is something else. Well, maybe this will be a wake up call to miss queen of crack blogs, to give us our daily dose, otherwise, I'm going to have to, as Huey Lewis said it best, "Find a New Drug" Amen and Halleluah. Peace out sistas.