Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Happy Birthday to me

My birthday has come early.... Well, not my actual birthday; but, what would you call this - the age that I felt I was in my mind, the way I thought of myself - well that age. You see, on July 28th I'll be turning 40; but in my mind I still thought of myself as 16 or thereabouts. Not to say that I'm immature; just, well - youthful.

Now I know that today's 40 is not the same as what my mom's 40 was, or her mom's 40 - no these are all quite different animals. I have no problem with turning 40, really I don't; but I guess I just always saw myself as younger than that. Maybe it's because I still have a lot of the same friends that I had from high school, college, my early twenties; so I can still relive my glory days on a regular basis; or maybe it's because I think I'm pretty current when it comes to music, fashion etc. AND if I didn't look in the mirror to see the pounds that the years have packed on; I'd never believe it if you told me I was 39.

When I was growing up my parents had this friend named Millie (now that's the name of a 40 something. LOL) Anyway, Millie was a hoot. Millie is from the Bronx, and she smokes like a chimney, so you can imagine what her voice sounds like. Anyway; Millie always told it like it was. She was a great mom, but she was also fun, she was bold, she was the person who sang me the penis colada song. Yup, you read me right; penis colada.
You know that song "Escape"? The one that said "If you like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, if you're not into health food, if you have half a brain..." Well Millie used to sing at the top of her lungs "if you like Penis Coladas, getting caught in the rain..." and me at 16 just thought this was fabulous; so much so that it has actually stuck with me to this day - and during my scrapbooking birthday party last year, "Escape" came on and I proudly sang "if you like Penis Coladas..." and now all my scrapbooking pals know that it can't be sung any other way.

My mom and Millie were true partners in crime. I used to love to be around them, because they always did as they pleased, (kinda sassy and classy for the most part,) they laughed a lot and people loved to be around them. Ultimately, I would be really happy to be the kind of 40 year old that they were; even though I'm not quite ready to think of myself that way just yet.

OK - so the road is twisting now and I'll start heading back in the main direction.
So today after I picked up my older daughter from preschool I took her to Sonic to get a grilled cheese; and as I was driving up the road I saw a naked boy hanging out of the sun roof of a car. Yes, you read that right; a naked boy hanging out of the sun roof of a car. (Now, I ask ya - who could make this stuff up?)
At first I only caught a glimpse of his butt so I thought it was a guy trying to moon people; but as I got closer to the high school, the boy was repositioning himself so that his butt was angled towards the 3 or 5 girls who were on the side of the road trying to take pictures with their cameras/tripods, while jumping up and down and cheering with delight.

OMG - I just couldn't believe it. I mean at 1:45 on a Tuesday afternoon, this was the last thing I expected; and then it happened - grown up me kicked in... Once I got home I got the phone number for the high school and I called the principal. Ultimately I spoke with one of the assistant principals and let him know what I saw. He said that he'd look into it and that was pretty much the end of that.

Honestly, I don't know what bothered me more; the fact that this incident took place or the fact that I had become the mom who was calling the high school to report it. Oh, don't get me wrong, I KNOW I did the right thing. I mean (god forbid) my son or daughters were involved in something like this, I'd want to know about it; and I definitely would want to know what was going on at that school. I think the only reason I say god forbid is because my kids are still so young and innocent that I just can't think of them like that - enjoying the naked butt of the opposite sex as it's hanging out a sun roof in the middle of the school day - OY!

So I guess it's official - I'm no longer 16. I am now parental, I am concerned, I am responsible; and that's OK.
Since it's now clear that I am NOT 16 in my mind; it might be time to start thinking of myself as 26. 26 would be GREAT because then I'm not the cradle robbing bitty who's lusting after Maks from Dancing with the Stars. We'd be just the same age now so all my lustful thoughts of him would be completely age appropriate.
Oh, who am I kidding? I don't really have lustful thoughts about Maks. I just want him to parade around my house with his shirt off, wink at me like he thinks I'm just as hot as I think he is; and maybe, hmm, nope, correction- I do have lustful thoughts about him, and this will be cool because the 26 year old me would know exactly what to do with him whereas the 16 year old me wouldn't have had a clue. - Yup; 26 it is - Lust rocks!!!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

1 comment:

Michelle K said...

OMG I am over here peeing my pants!! You are SO FUNNY!!!

Ironically, as you are thinking "God Forbid" that your kid be involved in that...I just KNOW that if we fast fwd 10 years....that kid's ass hanging out the sun roof will be MY KID'S ASS. Talk about "OY"! Your kids will be the ones bailing my kids out of jail one day...I still say that....

You are totally a Millie. Not in the "Aged, smoker's voice" sense but in that you are a sassy, funny, who-gives-a-damn-what-anyone-thinks grownup. And I am so lucky to have you as my friend...life is so much more full of color and laughter as a result of our foibles.

ALL HAIL THE MILLIES OF THE WORLD!