(43-218) Why Lyndzi?

The other day I told you that I had "VERY Big News."  I shared that my daughter, Lyndzi, my cousin, Jackie and I are going to be taking a trip to New York to celebrate my 44th birthday.  I mentioned that I decided to take one of my kids with me and that Lyndzi seemed like the perfect choice; but I didn't say why.  Since that post, I've spoken with a number of my friends and although everyone is very glad that I'm bringing Lyndzi; they all seem to want to know how I made my choice. They all want to know; why Lyndzi? 

When I first considered asking one of my children to come to New York with me; I thought about who would enjoy the trip the most; and hands down the answer was Lyndzi.  Although all three of my kids can be picky eaters; Lyndzi is the most adventurous diner.  Lyndzi enjoys trying different foods, where with Nicky and Kelsie, it can be like pulling teeth to get them to try something new.  Since I was planning to eat in China town as well go out for Italian food; Lyndzi seemed like the logical choice because I knew that she would enjoy these meals more than Nicky and Kelsie would; and the same may be said for "Mamma Mia."  All three of my kids like musicals, and both Lyndzi and Kelsie adore ABBA, but I think that Lyndzi is at an age where she'll really be able to appreciate the show, more than Kelsie would; and I didn't think that "Mamma Mia" was up Nicky's alley.  Then there's the whole patience thang.  Lyndzi is extraordinarily complacent, patient and considerate; and honestly,the same may be said for Nicky.  Whereas Kelsie is seven. Nicky and Lyndzi are usually very shy, so Kelsie always appears to be the friendliest of the three.  She's also naturally outgoing and a great conversationalist; but patience and consideration are two traits that my youngest daughter needs to work on.  Lyndzi on the other hand, will sit and draw for hours on end; and she finds it very easy to entertain herself.  Lastly, but certainly not least; I really relish the idea of introducing everyone to my little ray of sunshine.   Lyndzi is such a joy to be around and her positivity is contagious; therefore, she is a gift that I would love to share.

It was very difficult for me to only invite one of my children on this momentous trip; but I assured them that they will each have an opportunity to travel with me at some point.  I was very proud of all of my kids and the way that they handled my decision to take Lyndzi with me.  Lyndzi didn't gloat or act overly excited; and Nicky and Kelsie didn't question my choice or make me feel guilty about it.  Are these some special kids or what? 

With each passing day, I get increasingly excited about our trip; which I've had to extend by a couple of days, by the way.  I am so delighted that Lyndzi AND Jackie will be joining me on my return to New York; and I can't wait to revisit my past with them; and celebrate my future.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Winter Wonderland

The older you get ,the faster time seems to go, (with the exception of time spent at work of course.) I mention this because in addition to it being the holiday season, it's also the birthday season at my home. Kelsie is celebrating making it to her 6th birthday today, and Lyndzi will be turning 8 just one week later on the 18th; so naturally I've been reflecting on how quickly these incredible years have passed and looking forward to all that I will share with my family in the years to come. As a parent it is bittersweet to watch your babies grow. In some ways you want them to remain small and always in need of your help and in other ways, it is delightful to think of all the endless possibilities that lay await and all of the new experiences that we will encounter at each different stage of their lives.
I think back to when I was Nicky's age and try to remember what I was like and what I was thinking then and it's hard for me to believe that we have already gotten to that point with our amazing boy; but we have. Nicky's grade recently had "THE Talk;" and it just doesn't seem possible to me that it could ALREADY be time for that, and yet it was. A few weeks after "THE Talk," Nicky came home and was very excited to tell me that he was going to be bringing home an invitation for the 5-8th grade Winter Wonderland, school dance and I was smacked in the face with the reality that my babies are no longer babies by any stretch of the imagination.

Nicky was really looking forward to going to the dance and protective mom (ok OVER protective mom) that I am, feared this dance would be his ruination, for despite the fact that Luis and I can both bust a move; our boy has no coordination whatsoever. To say that Nicky is rhythmically challenged might be going too far, but suffice it to say that my memories of the spasmic displays that I've seen during holiday parties and other dancing opportunities were not inspiring my confidence. I wanted to coach Nicky without insulting him and so I recommended that he subtly bounce to the beat and keep his hand gestures to a minimum. Thankfully he was receptive, as I explained that I knew first hand how cruel kids could be and that if anyone found a reason to make fun of his dancing, they'd probably never stop. And for those of you who are fans of psychology and may think that I was transferring my own stuff on to Nicky, so be it.

I was teased mercilessly as a child and pre-teen and if I could do anything to help my child avoid that; psychology be damned; I'm gonna do it!! Now, don't get me wrong, I certainly didn't want Nicky to be scared to go to the dance; just PREPARED; I mean it's what I would have wanted someone to tell me, if they knew something that could possibly protect me from a world of hurt; and luckily Nicky and I have the type of relationship that he knew I was trying to help him, not hurt or intimidate him.

I told Luis about the dance and he too was concerned that Nicky might not use the best judgment about dancing and ultimately do something to embarrass himself; so we agreed that one of us might volunteer at the dance just to give him some encouragement and keep a watchful eye. I asked Nicky if he'd like one of us to volunteer at the dance and though he is usually happy to have us on his field trips, he said " That's OK; I got it." And so we had to let him go.

Nicky got dressed for the dance according to the Winter Wonderland dress code: Black, Navy, White, Silver, or Red. He wore black pants, a long sleeve, stone grey, knit Henley shirt and black shoes ~ And my boy looked GOOD!! When we dropped Nicky off, we couldn't help but notice how grown up all of the kids looked and how excited they all seemed to be. Luis even commented on different kids outfits; in particular this one little girl in a red, shiny,shirt. Leaving Nicky at the dance was definitely taking a leap of faith for us, but we drove off hopeful that he would have a wonderful time.

The 2 hours flew by and we went back to pick Nicky up. Luis pulled up to the curb content to wait for Nicky to come out, but when I saw some other moms going in; I wanted to do the same. Luis felt confident that Nicky would come out on his own but I reminded him that I had friends inside that were teachers and I could try to find out how it went and Luis responded with a typically male "Do what you want to do." So the girls and I were off like a shot.

Upon entering the building we were greeted by Nicky's teacher; who told us that the dance had gone very well and that Nicky had danced with a girl (I will call "B") for most of the night. I said that I didn't know B and his teacher said that she was in the other class. His teacher told me that so many of the kids had come up to her and said how surprised and happy they were to see Nicky dancing, because he is SO shy and she told them to leave him alone so he could have a good time and reminded them that you can't judge a book by its cover. Well, of course I was on the verge of tears; but just then Nicky came over to me and I held it together. I asked Nicky if he'd had a good time and he said "Yes," and promptly gave me my change for the evening. There couldn't have been more than 2 minutes left to the dance so I asked him "Are you ready to go or did you want to finish up?" And he said "Can I finish up?" so I said "Sure," and with that, he went back out on to the dance floor and proceeded to put his arms around the waist of the little girl in the red, shiny, shirt. Her arms were around Nicky's neck and they danced slowly to the last song of the evening. I was frozen in my place as I watched my baby dance like a young man, in the arms of this pretty, little girl with hope on her face; and Nicky's teacher leaned over to me and said "That's B." Once again I was almost in tears, but in a way they were tears of joy, because I can now look forward to a new phase in Nicky's life. He had made it through the dance without incident and was beaming with a confidence that I rarely see in him. He said good night to B, and thanked his teacher and we got into the car. I whispered to Luis that the dance had been a success and that Nicky had danced with B most of the night and then pointed out that she was the girl in the red,shiny, shirt; to which Luis replied "Well, I noticed her first."

Nicky regaled us with all of the details of the dance and it turned out that B had asked him to dance and he gladly accepted her invitation. Nicky had the time of his life and his new found confidence was thrilling. I told him that I was so, incredibly proud of him and that he probably made B's night; (because I totally can remember what I felt like after my first dance;) and I commented that he seemed so confident that he might even score a goal at soccer on Saturday; and HE DID! I actually heard one of the mom's say; "Nicky should go to a dance every friday night;" and I honestly wish that he could.

It is such a fantastic feeling to witness the growth of someone you love; whether a child, a spouse or a friend. To watch a person strive towards their potential and realize who they are, what they can do and what is out there for them. Life really is a wonderland!!!

Till next time...

Queen of EVERYTHING

Remembering My Mom

In Loving Memory of Leona Weiner Howell:

Sometime within the next few days it is the 22nd anniversary of my mom passing away. If you do the math, that would have made me 19. My dad had passed away just 3 years before; and my god I just cannot believe that it has been that long. Now it may seem odd that I don't know the exact day that she passed; but neither does my brother. I think that we've both blocked it out because it would just be too painful to remember on one specific day. All I know is that it was sometime between the 9th and the 13th of September. I'm inclined to think it was September 11th but that could just be me associating one disastrous day with another.
My mom was sick for many years. She had cancer when I was in high school; and then she went into remission, but a few months after I went away to college, she got sick again and she never recuperated. It was heart breaking and devastating and I miss her EVERY DAY. My mom was AMAZING (even though I didn't always realize and appreciate her at the time.) She was intelligent, beautiful, sexy, funny and charming; she had a true magnetic personality. When my mom walked in to a room, all heads turned; both men's and women's; she just had a presence that commanded attention. (Anyone who had the pleasure of knowing my mom, please leave a comment and verify that I am speaking nothing but the unadulterated truth - it would be a wonderful tribute.)

My mom was a straight shooter, a good listener and she was a compassionate friend. She was helpful and kind and GOOD. Now I'm not saying that she was perfect - she was human, so how could she be - but boy, was she close to it. It makes me so sad that we don't always know what we've got till it's gone. I wish that I'd had a better relationship with her before she got sick; but we lived a part for several years due to Richie Howell's lies and manipulations. Ironically enough, I KNOW the exact day that he died - July 16, 1983.

I'm not writing about my mom to illicit any pity or sympathy; you all should know me better than that. I just wanted to share a lesson that I have learned, because; say it with me "I'm all about the greater good." I want people to recognize that dying does not suddenly erase any errors of your past. Again, we are human; we are not perfect, and no one is expected to be; but sometimes when people pass away their loved ones tend to put them on a pedestal, and remember only the good things, and then beat themselves up over how they could have done things differently or been a better person toward their loved one. I'm here to say "Don't do that;" your loved one wouldn't want you to. Hopefully your loved one has gone on to a better place and they would not want you to spend the precious time that you have on this earth, beating yourself up over things that you coulda, shoulda done differently. They weren't perfect and neither are you. I tell you this because life is for the living and there is already so much pain and suffering out there; if you have been grieving for an extended amount of time it is now time to heal; to forgive yourself as I know your loved one is forgiving you; and to be thankful for whatever time you had. As Dr. Seuss says "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."
I am so grateful for the time that I did have with my mom. She was a wonderful role model and I would be honored if people thought that I emulated her in any way. It kills me that my children will never know what it feels like to be hugged by her; or to make her laugh, and that she will never get to experience how absolutely, incredible and unique they are; but I can only pray that she is watching them and loving them from beyond, and protecting them with her mother's heart.
If you are fortunate enough to still have your mom and/or dad in your life; please give them an extra hug; forgive them of the latest thing they've done to piss you off; and take a picture with them. These are times you will never be able to get back when they are gone; and you are so blessed to have this opportunity; even if it doesn't always feel like it.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Happy Birthday to me

My birthday has come early.... Well, not my actual birthday; but, what would you call this - the age that I felt I was in my mind, the way I thought of myself - well that age. You see, on July 28th I'll be turning 40; but in my mind I still thought of myself as 16 or thereabouts. Not to say that I'm immature; just, well - youthful.

Now I know that today's 40 is not the same as what my mom's 40 was, or her mom's 40 - no these are all quite different animals. I have no problem with turning 40, really I don't; but I guess I just always saw myself as younger than that. Maybe it's because I still have a lot of the same friends that I had from high school, college, my early twenties; so I can still relive my glory days on a regular basis; or maybe it's because I think I'm pretty current when it comes to music, fashion etc. AND if I didn't look in the mirror to see the pounds that the years have packed on; I'd never believe it if you told me I was 39.

When I was growing up my parents had this friend named Millie (now that's the name of a 40 something. LOL) Anyway, Millie was a hoot. Millie is from the Bronx, and she smokes like a chimney, so you can imagine what her voice sounds like. Anyway; Millie always told it like it was. She was a great mom, but she was also fun, she was bold, she was the person who sang me the penis colada song. Yup, you read me right; penis colada.
You know that song "Escape"? The one that said "If you like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, if you're not into health food, if you have half a brain..." Well Millie used to sing at the top of her lungs "if you like Penis Coladas, getting caught in the rain..." and me at 16 just thought this was fabulous; so much so that it has actually stuck with me to this day - and during my scrapbooking birthday party last year, "Escape" came on and I proudly sang "if you like Penis Coladas..." and now all my scrapbooking pals know that it can't be sung any other way.

My mom and Millie were true partners in crime. I used to love to be around them, because they always did as they pleased, (kinda sassy and classy for the most part,) they laughed a lot and people loved to be around them. Ultimately, I would be really happy to be the kind of 40 year old that they were; even though I'm not quite ready to think of myself that way just yet.

OK - so the road is twisting now and I'll start heading back in the main direction.
So today after I picked up my older daughter from preschool I took her to Sonic to get a grilled cheese; and as I was driving up the road I saw a naked boy hanging out of the sun roof of a car. Yes, you read that right; a naked boy hanging out of the sun roof of a car. (Now, I ask ya - who could make this stuff up?)
At first I only caught a glimpse of his butt so I thought it was a guy trying to moon people; but as I got closer to the high school, the boy was repositioning himself so that his butt was angled towards the 3 or 5 girls who were on the side of the road trying to take pictures with their cameras/tripods, while jumping up and down and cheering with delight.

OMG - I just couldn't believe it. I mean at 1:45 on a Tuesday afternoon, this was the last thing I expected; and then it happened - grown up me kicked in... Once I got home I got the phone number for the high school and I called the principal. Ultimately I spoke with one of the assistant principals and let him know what I saw. He said that he'd look into it and that was pretty much the end of that.

Honestly, I don't know what bothered me more; the fact that this incident took place or the fact that I had become the mom who was calling the high school to report it. Oh, don't get me wrong, I KNOW I did the right thing. I mean (god forbid) my son or daughters were involved in something like this, I'd want to know about it; and I definitely would want to know what was going on at that school. I think the only reason I say god forbid is because my kids are still so young and innocent that I just can't think of them like that - enjoying the naked butt of the opposite sex as it's hanging out a sun roof in the middle of the school day - OY!

So I guess it's official - I'm no longer 16. I am now parental, I am concerned, I am responsible; and that's OK.
Since it's now clear that I am NOT 16 in my mind; it might be time to start thinking of myself as 26. 26 would be GREAT because then I'm not the cradle robbing bitty who's lusting after Maks from Dancing with the Stars. We'd be just the same age now so all my lustful thoughts of him would be completely age appropriate.
Oh, who am I kidding? I don't really have lustful thoughts about Maks. I just want him to parade around my house with his shirt off, wink at me like he thinks I'm just as hot as I think he is; and maybe, hmm, nope, correction- I do have lustful thoughts about him, and this will be cool because the 26 year old me would know exactly what to do with him whereas the 16 year old me wouldn't have had a clue. - Yup; 26 it is - Lust rocks!!!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING