I was on my way home from the gym; and I had to stop at Safeway for Italian bread and milk. I decided that I was going to reward myself with a little treat. No, not what you might think, not chocolate, not ice cream... OLIVES. My Safeway has been undergoing a renovation, and don't ask me why but in it's attempt to renovate itself it has added one of those nice little olive bars; and big fan of olives that I am; I have been wanting to buy some and I thought - today is the day.
I walked around the olive rotunda perusing the offerings to make sure that I even wanted anything that they had. Decided yes; and took a small container. I carefully selected a couple of olives from a few of the trays, and then debated whether I should buy a marinated artichoke as well. The artichokes were pretty big as far as marinated artichokes go; and I didn't think that I needed a whole one, so I attempted to cut it in half with the spoon they provided. I cut it, and went to put it in my container and then all of a sudden the lid to the artichoke tray went flying off, and hit the floor. I don't know if anyone saw or heard this (yah, right;) but I'm positive that I turned beet red. I "discreetly" picked up the lid and placed it on the rotunda only to notice that the other half of artichoke that I did not chose was now lying on top of one of the other Olive tray lids. I discarded the unwanted artichoke, and quietly moved along.
Now mind you, I had no cart. As I said, I went in for Italian bread and milk; well, and olives apparently. Yet somehow in my hands I was now carrying, olives, cheddar cheese, and cream cheese and got to the milk aisle only to find that milk was 2 for $6. Well, I hadn't been planning on buying 2, not that I couldn't use it, but I had no cart. Nonetheless in the interest of saving a whole 49 cents, I grab the 2 milks and go look for the Italian bread, when I came across some fresh bagels. OK, so I put down my 2 milks, my olives, my cream cheese & my cheddar cheese and help myself to 3 bagels. Now I must go on to look for Italian bread. There was 1. Like 1 loaf left in the whole store. So I try to maneuver squeezing the bread, while holding on to these other items, and you know that the cream cheese and olive containers, go flying out of my hands and fall on the floor. Nothing opened thankfully. So once again I rounded up my items; and prayed that I would make it to the cart area so that I could continue looking for some kind of bread. On my way to the carts; I kept thinking "Thank god I go to the gym, carrying all of this stuff around was like carrying weights." I made it safely to the cart; bought some frozen garlic bread and hightailed it out of there.
As I was putting my bags in the car, one thought crossed my mind; "Oh my god; I'm Mrs. Bean!" Now I myself have no real opinion of Mr. Bean though it has been my experience that most Americans are not big fans; so by all means, I am not proud to liken myself to Mr. Bean; yet I honestly cannot deny that my antics, and clumsiness often lead to situations in which one watching would swear that they were watching "Mrs. Bean." Oh what's a girl to do? Now take this imagery - me as Mrs Bean, reread this blog, and hopefully you will laugh your collective asses off.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING