A Brand, New Ride

Safeway is not usually my supermarket of choice (no offense Safeway); but it does happen to be the closest grocery store to my house, so I run in there -(OK - if you know me in real life, you KNOW I don't RUN anywhere); rather I stop there for any last minute necessities or bagels.  I'll give them that.  Compared to their competitors, for a supermarket, they have a decent bagel - but I digress...

So I stopped at Safeway for a couple of things and as I was attempting to select some bananas, I was mesmerized by the woman who breezed by, picked up a bunch, put them in her cart and moved on.  "REALLY?"  I thought, "It's just that easy for her?  No perusing for bruising or checking for firmness?  Just - oh these are bananas, I'll just take em and go?  Wow!  What must THAT be like?

Now I'm sure you're thinking (because you know I HAVE to tell ya what I think you're thinking.) "Seriously?  No blog for five months and she just starts off about picking some bananas like that has ANYTHING to do with (say it with me), "The Greater Good?"  But alas, it does... Somehow, standing there and thinking those thoughts I knew it was time for me to get back to "The Bumpy Ride", which some might say, is for the "Greater Good."; and that is why I chose to start out this long, overdue, post by telling you about the bananas rather than lamenting over what I've been doing and why it's been so long since I've written.

Trust me when I tell you that I don't consider myself any busier than the next person.  Which is to say, that I don't think you need to hear my excuses about how busy I've been and why I haven't been able to write. I can assure you that I am fully aware of the irony of my situation.  It baffles me how I managed to write "The Ride" everyday for a year last year and yet this is the first time in months that I've been able to make time to write.  But I swear to you, it's not for lack of wanting to.  If you're not a first time Rider, then you know I'm the Queen of COMMITMENT and over the past several months, I've had MANY.  So rather than telling you why I've been busy - in the interest of (say it with me) "The Greater Good", I'll tell you what I've learned...  One of the most important jobs of a parent is advocating for the best interests of your child - academically, athletically, emotionally, and psychologically.  It's often hard to know what to do, but it's your responsibility to figure it out and do all you can to help your child achieve all that they're capable of.  I learned that perseverance and honesty pay off. I learned that forgiveness is freeing and that confidence is the cure for anxiety.  I learned that no matter how full your home is, there's always room for one more.  I learned that making people feel good, safe and happy is one of the greatest things I do and its reward is more precious than money.  I've learned that old dogs can learn new tricks.  I've learned that even if your pockets are empty and times are tough, you can always find ways to be charitable.  I've learned that (as I've suspected), I really do have my finger on the pulse of  what's hot and upcoming.  Yes, last year alone, I wrote about Alex Guarnaschelli and how awesome I thought she was and now she's like the Food Network's next big deal.  Just check them out, she's popping up on all their shows. Also, you may recall that I predicted Billy Crystal would host the next Oscars and HELLO, have you heard??   I've learned that time can heal wounds, that help sometimes comes from the most unexpected places and that "Can't" means you haven't REALLY tried.  I've learned that you need to love and accept yourself even when you're not exactly as you'd like to be.  And lastly, (well probably not lastly, but lastly for the sake of this list),  I've learned that I'm not ready to give up on my dream.  And so, if you'll have me, I REALLY want to try and get back on track and start sharing my stories with you again.  There will be tales and pictures from my New York trip, I promise!  As well as all the observational humor that I can muster, and as many recommendations that I can make for yes, (say it with me again) "The Greater Good."

A GREAT big thank you to all of you who've encouraged me to start writing again and to everyone who has missed me and "The Bumpy Ride."  I've made a few changes, such as "The Ride's" new appearance, (please share your thoughts on that), my updated profile picture, AND I've decided that since all the things I am or am not Queen of, really just make me who I am; I'll now be signing off -
Till next time...
Paige

(43-125) WHAT Was I Thinking?

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I now can say that I know MOST certainly, why Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday.  And the reason is... because the cooks will require the three whole days afterwards, to recover from all of their hard work.  Now, I know what you must be thinking; "Paige, Thanksgiving was last week, and you didn't even cook; so why are you bringing this up now?"  Ahhh, why, indeed!
If you'll recall, in "You Know It's Love When..." I explained that I had decided not to cook Thanksgiving dinner this year; because in Thanksgiving's past, I was the only one in our family who had any interest in the traditional fare.   Well, while we were at Thanksgiving dinner; Luis and the kids actually consumed quite a bit of food that is typically associated with Thanksgiving dinner, including turkey; which they previously had shown no interest in. So, being the kinda wife and mom that I am; I suggested that I would buy a turkey breast during my Sunday grocery shopping and make it with a couple of side dishes for dinner one night.  Everyone seemed to like this idea; so I added all of the necessities to my grocery list.

Well, on Sunday I went to Sam's Club after the gym, and they had whole turkeys on sale.  I figured that I could just make a whole turkey since the prices were so good; and I looked for the smallest one that I could find.  I thought that an 18lb turkey for $12.50 was a really good deal; so I started to defrost it, and I planned to make it for dinner on Monday.

While the kids and I were having lunch yesterday, we were watching a DVR'd episode of "Diners, Drive-In's and Dives," and Guy was showcasing Thanksgiving foods.  One chef had used an oven bag to cook his turkey; and since I'm a BIG fan of the oven bag (I use one to make pot roast, and sometimes brisket;) I thought this was the way to go.  I searched my cabinets, because I remembered that one time I meant to buy large oven bags and I'd bought the turkey size by mistake, and I was pretty sure that I still had them in the house; and I did.  I set the bags some place that I would remember them; and I felt content that I had a great plan to make my "little" Thanksgiving dinner on Monday.

I tried to plan everything just right.  I took my lunch break late in the afternoon today, so that I could use my time to prepare the turkey.  I don't think that I'd say that this was a big mistake; however, I felt extremely rushed; and that wasn't very comfortable for me.  I would have to estimate that at least two or three times during the course of the turkey preparation I  uttered out loud, "What was I thinking," as I raced the clock to get the bird cleaned, dried, seasoned, into the bag and then into the oven; but alas, I DID IT; with time to spare.

It wasn't long before my house had that wonderful roast turkey smell; and since it's particularly cold in Phoenix right now (about 52 degrees today, and we're expected to be around 36 tonight;) the warmth from the oven was delightful.

I picked up the kids from school, finished working for the day, filled out some paper work for Luis' doctor's appointment tomorrow; then went to Safeway to buy mushrooms for my stuffing and sour cream for the mashed potatoes. As soon as I got home, I began preparing, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes and stuffing.  What was that I'd said about making them a couple of sides?  Well, I guess if I was going to do it; I was going to DO IT!  Go big or go home; right??

When Luis and Nicky got home from Nicky's soccer practice; Luis commented that the house smelled sensational (OK, maybe sensational wasn't his exact word; but I just love the alliteration.)  Nonetheless, he paid me some compliment, and it made all my hard work worth it.  We all ate our not-so-typical Monday night dinner; and although it was lovely to have; I definitely thought to myself; "I need a rest!"

I KNOW from experience how much hard work preparing a Thanksgiving dinner is; so why I thought that I could attempt it on a work day, during a week night; I have no idea.  I think that it is very safe to say that when it comes to preparing a whole turkey and all of it's accompaniments;  one should venture to do so when you have an entire day free and then a day to rest to follow.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

I Might be Mrs. Bean

I was on my way home from the gym; and I had to stop at Safeway for Italian bread and milk. I decided that I was going to reward myself with a little treat. No, not what you might think, not chocolate, not ice cream... OLIVES. My Safeway has been undergoing a renovation, and don't ask me why but in it's attempt to renovate itself it has added one of those nice little olive bars; and big fan of olives that I am; I have been wanting to buy some and I thought - today is the day.
I walked around the olive rotunda perusing the offerings to make sure that I even wanted anything that they had. Decided yes; and took a small container. I carefully selected a couple of olives from a few of the trays, and then debated whether I should buy a marinated artichoke as well. The artichokes were pretty big as far as marinated artichokes go; and I didn't think that I needed a whole one, so I attempted to cut it in half with the spoon they provided. I cut it, and went to put it in my container and then all of a sudden the lid to the artichoke tray went flying off, and hit the floor. I don't know if anyone saw or heard this (yah, right;) but I'm positive that I turned beet red. I "discreetly" picked up the lid and placed it on the rotunda only to notice that the other half of artichoke that I did not chose was now lying on top of one of the other Olive tray lids. I discarded the unwanted artichoke, and quietly moved along.
Now mind you, I had no cart. As I said, I went in for Italian bread and milk; well, and olives apparently. Yet somehow in my hands I was now carrying, olives, cheddar cheese, and cream cheese and got to the milk aisle only to find that milk was 2 for $6. Well, I hadn't been planning on buying 2, not that I couldn't use it, but I had no cart. Nonetheless in the interest of saving a whole 49 cents, I grab the 2 milks and go look for the Italian bread, when I came across some fresh bagels. OK, so I put down my 2 milks, my olives, my cream cheese & my cheddar cheese and help myself to 3 bagels. Now I must go on to look for Italian bread. There was 1. Like 1 loaf left in the whole store. So I try to maneuver squeezing the bread, while holding on to these other items, and you know that the cream cheese and olive containers, go flying out of my hands and fall on the floor. Nothing opened thankfully. So once again I rounded up my items; and prayed that I would make it to the cart area so that I could continue looking for some kind of bread. On my way to the carts; I kept thinking "Thank god I go to the gym, carrying all of this stuff around was like carrying weights." I made it safely to the cart; bought some frozen garlic bread and hightailed it out of there.

As I was putting my bags in the car, one thought crossed my mind; "Oh my god; I'm Mrs. Bean!" Now I myself have no real opinion of Mr. Bean though it has been my experience that most Americans are not big fans; so by all means, I am not proud to liken myself to Mr. Bean; yet I honestly cannot deny that my antics, and clumsiness often lead to situations in which one watching would swear that they were watching "Mrs. Bean." Oh what's a girl to do? Now take this imagery - me as Mrs Bean, reread this blog, and hopefully you will laugh your collective asses off.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Quest for a Bobble Head

When I wrote "The Hairless Arches" June 11, 2007 I pointed out that I felt obligated to share life's little odd occurrences with you; whenever I came across them. This of course prompted that infamous comment from the "Hamburglar" that still boggles my mind to this day; but at the risk of bringing the Hamburglar out of hiding; I MUST share this with you.

One day I was in Safeway, it must have been about a year ago; but I really don't remember and truth be told it's really not important. OK, so I was in Safeway and I believe I was actually talking to my friend Hilary on the phone when I was stopped dead in my tracks when I caught a glimpse of what went wheeling a cart past me. My friends, there is no other way to explain it, other than referring to her as a human bobble head. Now you know what I mean by bobble head right? One of those toys with an EXTRA big head that wobbles. I don't know what people find appealing about these things; but nonetheless; right there in Safeway there was a human one. The bobble head was an African American woman and she had on a wig that was so HUGE; her head literally bobbled to keep it up. She had on large round black sunglasses as well. She was like an exaggerated version of Diana Ross, if you can even imagine such a thing since Ms. Ross is a tad exaggerated to begin with; but OMG - I stood there paralyzed as I my eyes could not believe what they were seeing. When I was able to compose myself, I told Hilary all about this and damned myself for not having a camera phone and I promised myself that if ever I saw her again, her photo I would take.

A few months later I saw her again at Safeway (83rd and Cactus if anyone is wondering) and my response was exactly the same; one of just utter shock; and yet AGAIN I was cursed to have no camera phone.

Well on Thursday I ran to the SuperWalmart. I was on a time crunch because we had dinner plans with Kara so I was trying to be very fast about getting what I needed. I was talking on my cell to Jenny, and just then, as I rounded the corner, THERE SHE WAS - the human bobble head; right there at SuperWalmart and lucky me, my camera phone was ready to go. I told Jenny that I had to call her right back and even though time was not on my side (since I was in a rush to get out of the store;) I meandered into the produce aisle to try and capture the bobble head on film. Now admittedly, I am not the Queen of SUBTLETY nor am I the Queen of NONCHALANCE; so I hope that you can imagine how awkward and unfortunately obvious I appeared when I was trying to take these pictures. I'm sure this woman must have thought I was stalking her. Oh of course I pretended to be talking on my phone, examining my phone, WHATEVER! Yet all I could muster were shots from the back. I attempted a side view but just couldn't pull it off, so you know a front view was out of the question. I snapped 2 photos and knew that due to my time constraints and guilty conscience, the 2 photos would have to do for now.
I called Jenny back and she was laughing; she clearly knew that I was up to something. I explained the sitch and she encouraged me to go back and try to get a head on pic but A. I was already checking out; B. I was already running late and C. I'm just not that good of an actress; and I didn't think I could pull it off. She could pull it off, Luis or Michelle (Waiting till July to become legally) K could pull it off - but not me.


DISCLAIMER: These photos are not the best, but it was the best I could manage. (Hopefully you get the point.) But rest assured, if the bobble head and I cross paths again; a face shot WILL be published for your viewing pleasure and guarantee of my damnation.

Now believe me; I really am NOT making fun of this woman; but c'mon, you take a look at these pictures and you tell me that if you ran into her your mouth wouldn't be gaping open too. So please Hamburglar, do not criticize me; just take comfort in knowing that god has already punished me for my wickedness, because that night at dinner I broke a tooth on a piece of broccoli - DAMN vegetables and now I've won myself a couple of visits to the dentist (which you know I love;) and he's won himself $1100 out of my pocket - But the Bobble head viewing - PRICELESS!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING