When I wrote "The Hairless Arches" June 11, 2007 I pointed out that I felt obligated to share life's little odd occurrences with you; whenever I came across them. This of course prompted that infamous comment from the "Hamburglar" that still boggles my mind to this day; but at the risk of bringing the Hamburglar out of hiding; I MUST share this with you.
One day I was in Safeway, it must have been about a year ago; but I really don't remember and truth be told it's really not important. OK, so I was in Safeway and I believe I was actually talking to my friend Hilary on the phone when I was stopped dead in my tracks when I caught a glimpse of what went wheeling a cart past me. My friends, there is no other way to explain it, other than referring to her as a human bobble head. Now you know what I mean by bobble head right? One of those toys with an EXTRA big head that wobbles. I don't know what people find appealing about these things; but nonetheless; right there in Safeway there was a human one. The bobble head was an African American woman and she had on a wig that was so HUGE; her head literally bobbled to keep it up. She had on large round black sunglasses as well. She was like an exaggerated version of Diana Ross, if you can even imagine such a thing since Ms. Ross is a tad exaggerated to begin with; but OMG - I stood there paralyzed as I my eyes could not believe what they were seeing. When I was able to compose myself, I told Hilary all about this and damned myself for not having a camera phone and I promised myself that if ever I saw her again, her photo I would take.
A few months later I saw her again at Safeway (83rd and Cactus if anyone is wondering) and my response was exactly the same; one of just utter shock; and yet AGAIN I was cursed to have no camera phone.
Well on Thursday I ran to the SuperWalmart. I was on a time crunch because we had dinner plans with Kara so I was trying to be very fast about getting what I needed. I was talking on my cell to Jenny, and just then, as I rounded the corner, THERE SHE WAS - the human bobble head; right there at SuperWalmart and lucky me, my camera phone was ready to go. I told Jenny that I had to call her right back and even though time was not on my side (since I was in a rush to get out of the store;) I meandered into the produce aisle to try and capture the bobble head on film. Now admittedly, I am not the Queen of SUBTLETY nor am I the Queen of NONCHALANCE; so I hope that you can imagine how awkward and unfortunately obvious I appeared when I was trying to take these pictures. I'm sure this woman must have thought I was stalking her. Oh of course I pretended to be talking on my phone, examining my phone, WHATEVER! Yet all I could muster were shots from the back. I attempted a side view but just couldn't pull it off, so you know a front view was out of the question. I snapped 2 photos and knew that due to my time constraints and guilty conscience, the 2 photos would have to do for now.
I called Jenny back and she was laughing; she clearly knew that I was up to something. I explained the sitch and she encouraged me to go back and try to get a head on pic but A. I was already checking out; B. I was already running late and C. I'm just not that good of an actress; and I didn't think I could pull it off. She could pull it off, Luis or Michelle (Waiting till July to become legally) K could pull it off - but not me.
DISCLAIMER: These photos are not the best, but it was the best I could manage. (Hopefully you get the point.) But rest assured, if the bobble head and I cross paths again; a face shot WILL be published for your viewing pleasure and guarantee of my damnation.
Now believe me; I really am NOT making fun of this woman; but c'mon, you take a look at these pictures and you tell me that if you ran into her your mouth wouldn't be gaping open too. So please Hamburglar, do not criticize me; just take comfort in knowing that god has already punished me for my wickedness, because that night at dinner I broke a tooth on a piece of broccoli - DAMN vegetables and now I've won myself a couple of visits to the dentist (which you know I love;) and he's won himself $1100 out of my pocket - But the Bobble head viewing - PRICELESS!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING