Quest for a Bobble Head

When I wrote "The Hairless Arches" June 11, 2007 I pointed out that I felt obligated to share life's little odd occurrences with you; whenever I came across them. This of course prompted that infamous comment from the "Hamburglar" that still boggles my mind to this day; but at the risk of bringing the Hamburglar out of hiding; I MUST share this with you.

One day I was in Safeway, it must have been about a year ago; but I really don't remember and truth be told it's really not important. OK, so I was in Safeway and I believe I was actually talking to my friend Hilary on the phone when I was stopped dead in my tracks when I caught a glimpse of what went wheeling a cart past me. My friends, there is no other way to explain it, other than referring to her as a human bobble head. Now you know what I mean by bobble head right? One of those toys with an EXTRA big head that wobbles. I don't know what people find appealing about these things; but nonetheless; right there in Safeway there was a human one. The bobble head was an African American woman and she had on a wig that was so HUGE; her head literally bobbled to keep it up. She had on large round black sunglasses as well. She was like an exaggerated version of Diana Ross, if you can even imagine such a thing since Ms. Ross is a tad exaggerated to begin with; but OMG - I stood there paralyzed as I my eyes could not believe what they were seeing. When I was able to compose myself, I told Hilary all about this and damned myself for not having a camera phone and I promised myself that if ever I saw her again, her photo I would take.

A few months later I saw her again at Safeway (83rd and Cactus if anyone is wondering) and my response was exactly the same; one of just utter shock; and yet AGAIN I was cursed to have no camera phone.

Well on Thursday I ran to the SuperWalmart. I was on a time crunch because we had dinner plans with Kara so I was trying to be very fast about getting what I needed. I was talking on my cell to Jenny, and just then, as I rounded the corner, THERE SHE WAS - the human bobble head; right there at SuperWalmart and lucky me, my camera phone was ready to go. I told Jenny that I had to call her right back and even though time was not on my side (since I was in a rush to get out of the store;) I meandered into the produce aisle to try and capture the bobble head on film. Now admittedly, I am not the Queen of SUBTLETY nor am I the Queen of NONCHALANCE; so I hope that you can imagine how awkward and unfortunately obvious I appeared when I was trying to take these pictures. I'm sure this woman must have thought I was stalking her. Oh of course I pretended to be talking on my phone, examining my phone, WHATEVER! Yet all I could muster were shots from the back. I attempted a side view but just couldn't pull it off, so you know a front view was out of the question. I snapped 2 photos and knew that due to my time constraints and guilty conscience, the 2 photos would have to do for now.
I called Jenny back and she was laughing; she clearly knew that I was up to something. I explained the sitch and she encouraged me to go back and try to get a head on pic but A. I was already checking out; B. I was already running late and C. I'm just not that good of an actress; and I didn't think I could pull it off. She could pull it off, Luis or Michelle (Waiting till July to become legally) K could pull it off - but not me.


DISCLAIMER: These photos are not the best, but it was the best I could manage. (Hopefully you get the point.) But rest assured, if the bobble head and I cross paths again; a face shot WILL be published for your viewing pleasure and guarantee of my damnation.

Now believe me; I really am NOT making fun of this woman; but c'mon, you take a look at these pictures and you tell me that if you ran into her your mouth wouldn't be gaping open too. So please Hamburglar, do not criticize me; just take comfort in knowing that god has already punished me for my wickedness, because that night at dinner I broke a tooth on a piece of broccoli - DAMN vegetables and now I've won myself a couple of visits to the dentist (which you know I love;) and he's won himself $1100 out of my pocket - But the Bobble head viewing - PRICELESS!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Working it out...

Disclaimer: Anyone who comes to my home within the next few days - I was informed that my blog was long overdue; so please excuse our mess.

Ok, so I've been busy, yah, crazy busy, and one of the things that I have been busiest with - yes I did it; I joined the gym!! Now first I'd like to pose the question - if one has never been in shape; how can they be out of shape? I'm sure I'm not the first person to ever ask this question. I'm sure it's been asked before by someone smarter, funnier and let's hope; fatter than me; yet it does make ya wonder...

Now admittedly I have NEVER gone to a gym. Well, I shouldn't say NEVER. This one time in band camp - (ha ha, No, not band camp; college.) This one time in college, I needed an extra credit, so I signed up for I think they called it weight training, but I went once and I NEVER went back - it's the only class in college that I ever failed; but me trying to work on those machines in front of really hot guys - yah, I was just too uncomfortable - and I was like a hundred pounds lighter then so imagine how great I feel walking into the gym now.
So picture this; I went to the gym with Michelle (Contemplating becoming legally) K and I spoke to Jesse the manager and he asked "So Paige where's the last place you worked out?" I had to laugh, I was like "Um - Woodglen Elementary 1979" haha, just kidding. What I actually said was "ah, no where, that's how I wound up in this shape." I mean who's kidding who - from May 1999 until early 2006, the only working out I did was lifting my size 42 DDD's a bazillion times a day to nurse a hungry baby and if that doesn't count there's been no working out for me. OH, except for this one day last year when I bought a Carmen Electra strip aerobics DVD; (yes, you read that right, I thought I'd kill 2 birds with one stone.) I tried it once, and word to the wise; don't attempt to make Cinnamon rolls while your doing an exercise DVD, it just doesn't work out and the rolls burn...

So anyway, I joined the gym last Sunday and so far I have gone everyday except, Friday and Sunday. I was feeling pretty proud of myself until last Thursday when I was convinced that this very fit girl was taking pictures of me with her phone and posting them on You Tube. (Do I have a healthy ego or what??) Now you may ask what I was doing that would have prompted her to snap my photo; but suffice it to say I have yet to figure out all of the circuit training devices and my means of getting in and out of each, aren't exactly orthodox. A la another Lucy moment no doubt. Top it off by just being considerably older than her and unbelievably outta shape and I'm sure she and her friends were having a rousing laugh at my expense. Alas misery does love company and although Michelle (Contemplating becoming legally) K has taken me under her wing and tried to show me how to use the machines; to my credit it was me who actually showed her how to properly open the leg rests of the hip abducter (Boy you should have seen us trying to maneuver our way into that machine before I saw someone pull up the plunger like control on the base) YIKES! We must have been quite a site - especially coordinated me. Oh boy, I hope you guys can picture this because this time even I have to laugh at myself. The word pathetic comes to mind; but hey I am the Queen of BEING HARD ON HERSELF so did you think I would cut myself some slack - heck no!!

Well, MCblK recruited me, and I've recruitred Lesa G, and Lisa B says that she's going to join too; so the fun is just beginning for me at the gym - Gee Luis I don't know why it takes me 3 hours to do a 1 hour work out - LOL Nah, that would never happen and truth be told I'm getting quicker and quicker. Yesterday I walked over a mile and then rode the bike for more than 10; in just 55 minutes. Every little bit counts I'm sure because it's a ton more than what I wasn't doing 2 weeks ago.

And here's that irony again; I just proof read this blog to my wonderful husband and he didn't laugh once. Ahh, the injustice; my humor is completely wasted on him; thank god I have you.

Well, that's it for now. I have to get ready to go the gym. Ya know it's true, once you start going, it's addicting - I mean I actually find myself looking forward to going. Who woulda thunk it.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

EXERCISE??

Admittedly, of all the things I am NOT the Queen of; NOT the Queen of Exercising has got to be on the top of the list. For those of you who know me; I'm sure you are just colored surprised right now. For those of you who don't know me, I refer you to my picture with Maks from "Dancing with the Stars" in the blog entitled the Queen's Big Coup (June 8, 2007.)

Typically my exercise regime is limited to transporting my scrapbooking necessities to my monthly crop (non-scrappers; a crop is when people get together and scrapbook.) Now, don't make light of this as far as exercise goes, because my NECESSITIES consist of: A huge roll on suitcase that's packed to the brim, a tackle box, a shoulder tote, a hand held tote, a shopping bag, a die cut machine, usually several 12x12 plastic drawers of paper and a partridge in a pear tree. HAHAHA, Just kidding, no paper, ahh, there I go again, HAHA No - No partridge in a pear tree of course. Now, to most of my scrapbooking chums this sounds like a drop in the bucket; however, for all of you non-scrappers, feel free to make fun of this being my form of exercise and don't leave out poking fun at how often I do it.
Now the point is (YES, there's a point; there's ALWAYS a point.) Michelle (Not yet legally) K - (Yes it's been a year now and it's still not yet legally K; although sometimes she's K in my comments; but I digress...)has joined a gym and she has inspired me to consider joining as well. (OK pick your jaws up off the floor now.)
Anyway, she has gotten me a buddy pass so that I can try it out with her on Thursday. She claims that this should give her enough time to familiarize herself with the equipment so that she can show me how to use it; which is a good thing because I can barely figure out a treadmill; hence my stupendous figure.

To say the least i'm sure that this experience will provide me with a couple good blogs or two and you know me; anything for the cause. Once again I say "where are the cameras when you need em?" You just have to know that this is an accident waiting to happen - me and Michelle (not yet legally) K at the gym together. All I can say is hopefully, I will bruise nothing more than my ego... Stay tuned.

Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING