(43-156) A Classic

Although I'm capable of being very assertive; in many situations, I'm extremely shy.  There are certain times when I speak my mind without reservation, and others when I have difficulty expressing my truth, for fear of offending someone.  For those of you who are familiar with the assertive, free speaker; you may be shocked to hear that there are two VERY different sides of me; while others of you may have experienced it first hand.

Well, on Christmas night when (SMF) David and Jenny were over, it was the second time in two days that I kinda beat around the bush about something because I thought that if I was direct, I might have insulted my friends.  It wasn't a big deal at all, as it was just about hamburgers, (stop laughing;) but nonetheless, it was awkward for me.  Ultimately, David told me that I could just say, "I don't like beer" (which is what I had trouble saying, the night before;) or "I don't like frozen hamburger patties;" and he had me repeat both of those sentences a number of times; before he asked "why don't you like beer?"

I explained that I actually used to like beer A LOT; but that the summer between my Sophomore and Junior years of college, I worked (pretty much round the clock) at a bar that was on the beach in The Hamptons.  I was 19 /20 years old, and they allowed me to drink while I was working; (which was ALL THE TIME,) so it seemed like I had been drunk for the better part of that summer, and as a result, I kinda had my fill of drinking.

I elaborated, by saying; during the weekends I would work in the snack bar (of the club) selling breakfast.  After breakfast, I moved outside and worked, in my bathing suit, selling food that we barbecued.  I would go home, (to my "Little Princess" room in the attic that I mentioned in "Authors") take a shower and return to the club to cashier at the door.  After a number of weeks of working on the kitchen staff, I switched positions and started working for the woman who ran the gift shop.  She sold a lil bit of this and a lil bit of that; t-shirts, tank tops, jewelry, candy, breath mints, condoms etc.

I then told David; that I had a CLASSIC Paige story to tell him.  It's actually one of my all time faves; and so, of course, I have to share...  One night I was working in the gift shop and this dweeby (I know, not a nice thing to say but you get the picture) guy came up to the counter.   He asked for a pack of gum, and then kind of gestured towards something else in the display case, but I wasn't sure what he was interested in.  I said "Snickers?"  but he shook his head no and then again motioned towards another item.  Finally after a couple of guesses, I said in a surprised tone "condoms?"  And he let out a sigh of relief and shyly said "yes."  I asked him which kind he wanted, but he didn't know.  He asked me what was popular, but being knew to the gift shop, (and young;) I didn't know.  I suggested one and he said that he'd take it, as he clearly wanted me to quickly conclude our transaction.  And then, God help me; I honestly don't remember why I did it; but I said "would you like a bag or do you want to wear them out?"  The guy then looked at me with great annoyance,  grabbed his condoms, said "I hate you;" and walked away.
Oh my goodness; I don't know what possessed me to say such a thing, but I thought that it was hysterical; and to this day, I still do.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-105) "To Thine Own Self Be True"

#58 of my "100 MORE Random Things About Me" list, was "I don't think that you should do something to make someone else happy; if it won't make you happy."  Now this is not to say that you shouldn't do a favor for someone; cause gosh knows I do more than my share of favors; but a favor should be something that you don't mind doing.  What I'm referring to in number 58, is allowing someone else's feelings, requests and desires to override yours.  Sacrificing what you believe is in your best interest, so that someone else won't be disappointed.

The reason that I'm writing more about #58 tonight, is because it seems timely.  I've actually had 2 different conversations since that post a few days ago; and we've addressed exactly this topic.  Last night, a friend and I were  discussing doing something that we didn't want to do, in order to spare someone else's feelings; and I said something to the effect of "we never know what day is going to be our last; and we shouldn't waste time doing things that we don't want to do."  Time is not guaranteed and if I really thought that this 43rd year was going to be my last on this earth; I wouldn't want to waste a minute, doing anything that wasn't meaningful to me.  Well, of course I choose not to believe that this will be the last year of my life; but since we never know these things, then I think that we owe it to ourselves to put ourselves first; (just in case.)  

Now let's be clear... I'm NOT talking about NOT compromising; because of course I'm a huge proponent of compromise. I'm a wife, I'm a Mom, I'm a friend; and I compromise all the time.  And, I'm not talking about deliberately hurting someones feelings; because you KNOW that I go out of my way to take care of other people and make them feel good. BUT, what I am talking about is being true to yourself, valuing your time, and politely declining invitations or requests that don't appeal to you.  You don't need to be cruel or rude about it; but it also shouldn't stress you out to turn someone down.  It's just like I wrote in "Nothing Much,"  "not everyone is for everyone;" and it should also be said that not every situation is for everyone.  You can care for someone but not want to attend a certain function; and even though that person might WANT you to attend; their want doesn't supercede your needs.  And as I wrote in "The Dirty Word;" no one is going to die because they were told no.  This is all a part of achieving your own (say it with me) "Greater Good."

Sometimes people mistake assertiveness for rudeness; but I assure you that they don't have to be one in the same.  You can assert yourself, and look out  for yourself, but still treat people kindly when doing so.  Hence I'm definitely not recommending rudeness; I'm merely advocating that you appreciate and preserve yourself because this is YOUR life and you don't want to waste a precious minute of it. 

To quote Shakespeare's "Hamlet," "To thine own self be true."  and the rest of the quote is  “And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou can not then be false to any man.”  Which in a nutshell means, unless we can be true to ourselves first, we cannot be true to others.  So in order to be our best for others, we must first be best (or, do what's best) for ourselves. 
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING