Tuesday, November 9, 2010

(43-105) "To Thine Own Self Be True"

#58 of my "100 MORE Random Things About Me" list, was "I don't think that you should do something to make someone else happy; if it won't make you happy."  Now this is not to say that you shouldn't do a favor for someone; cause gosh knows I do more than my share of favors; but a favor should be something that you don't mind doing.  What I'm referring to in number 58, is allowing someone else's feelings, requests and desires to override yours.  Sacrificing what you believe is in your best interest, so that someone else won't be disappointed.

The reason that I'm writing more about #58 tonight, is because it seems timely.  I've actually had 2 different conversations since that post a few days ago; and we've addressed exactly this topic.  Last night, a friend and I were  discussing doing something that we didn't want to do, in order to spare someone else's feelings; and I said something to the effect of "we never know what day is going to be our last; and we shouldn't waste time doing things that we don't want to do."  Time is not guaranteed and if I really thought that this 43rd year was going to be my last on this earth; I wouldn't want to waste a minute, doing anything that wasn't meaningful to me.  Well, of course I choose not to believe that this will be the last year of my life; but since we never know these things, then I think that we owe it to ourselves to put ourselves first; (just in case.)  

Now let's be clear... I'm NOT talking about NOT compromising; because of course I'm a huge proponent of compromise. I'm a wife, I'm a Mom, I'm a friend; and I compromise all the time.  And, I'm not talking about deliberately hurting someones feelings; because you KNOW that I go out of my way to take care of other people and make them feel good. BUT, what I am talking about is being true to yourself, valuing your time, and politely declining invitations or requests that don't appeal to you.  You don't need to be cruel or rude about it; but it also shouldn't stress you out to turn someone down.  It's just like I wrote in "Nothing Much,"  "not everyone is for everyone;" and it should also be said that not every situation is for everyone.  You can care for someone but not want to attend a certain function; and even though that person might WANT you to attend; their want doesn't supercede your needs.  And as I wrote in "The Dirty Word;" no one is going to die because they were told no.  This is all a part of achieving your own (say it with me) "Greater Good."

Sometimes people mistake assertiveness for rudeness; but I assure you that they don't have to be one in the same.  You can assert yourself, and look out  for yourself, but still treat people kindly when doing so.  Hence I'm definitely not recommending rudeness; I'm merely advocating that you appreciate and preserve yourself because this is YOUR life and you don't want to waste a precious minute of it. 

To quote Shakespeare's "Hamlet," "To thine own self be true."  and the rest of the quote is  “And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou can not then be false to any man.”  Which in a nutshell means, unless we can be true to ourselves first, we cannot be true to others.  So in order to be our best for others, we must first be best (or, do what's best) for ourselves. 
Till next time...

1 comment:

Joni Parker said...

I 100% agree with you!!!