Always Remember

12 years ago today, 9/11 became a day that Americans will never and should never forget; however, for me this date has had significance for 27 years,  as on September 11, 1986 my beautiful, mother lost her courageous battle with cancer.  Both of these tragic events are still so vivid to me.  I know exactly where I was when I got the call that my mom had passed away.  So many years have passed, and yet it seems like just yesterday and the hurt is still as deep.  Likewise, it seems like no time has passed since I walked into my friend Kara's kitchen to drop Nicky off at her house, because I was 6 months pregnant with Lyndzi and I had to go take my 3 hour glucose tolerance test.  I saw the unbelievable footage on her small, television set and I was absolutely dumbfounded.  I sat for the next 3 hours, tortured by the intense aftermath of the glucose and the terrifying images on the lab TV.

Yesterday Kelsie sweetly reminded me that we had to light a candle for Grandma Lee on Wednesday; and after she had made the comment, I couldn't get the impending date off my mind.  I contemplated what I might write on my Facebook to let my friends know what this day meant for me as it was the day that I had lost my mom and I truly missed her; but knowing that there were SO MANY to be thought of, I was uncertain as to how I wanted to proceed.  When I had a few minutes to jump on Facebook this morning, I was gratified to see how many people had made "never forget" posts, and shared pictures to commemorate  9/11.  I considered writing a post to honor my mom, but with an entire country focused on the tragedy, I decided to go another route; so although no one may have known it, with my mom in mind and always in my heart, I wrote this post:  "Not only is it important that we "never forget", we also need to always remember... Tomorrow is not promised, let go of the pettiness and be grateful for all that we have and each day that we are blessed with. Honor those that have lost their lives for us, by being the best versions of ourselves and making this world a better place."


Within minutes "friends" started liking my post, and even commented; as they felt that what I had written was spot on.  My amazing, friend Tammy, even shared my post on her page, which warmed my heart and validated my feelings.  I am thoroughly thrilled that so many agreed with me, I just hope that they still agree tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that.  You see, although 9/11 was one day that we should  "Never forget" we need to carry that with us EVERYDAY!   When our friends are posting their contrasting political points of view on Facebook, we need to remember that yesterday we all wanted to be ONE America and ban together to "never forget."  Yesterday, we were all united as we recalled the hideous attack and we claimed to be proud to be Americans one and all, that no one should try to harm.    We need to "never forget" that there is no time like the present, and that if something, or someone is important to us, we need to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, because we might not get another chance.  We need to "never forget" that we are all only human and as such we make mistakes and we deserve forgiveness.  We need to "never forget" that it is our duty to live every day to it's fullest  and not waste a single moment on worry or regret, for if we do we are robbing ourselves of precious time that others might not have.


I write this blog tonight as I wrote that post this morning - with all the love in my heart.  With the utmost gratitude for having had an incredible mother, who taught me well during the 19 years that she graced my life.   It is my fervent hope that she is watching down from heaven, comforted by the knowledge that I live every day to make her proud and that I for one still believe in promoting the GREATER GOOD!   I know that we all can DO BETTER. We can be kinder, more tolerant, and work towards a common goal.  We should strive to lead by example and not only when it's convenient or suits our purpose.  We need to teach our children that we do what we say and say what we do.   We need to let the people who are important to us KNOW IT, and be thankful that we live in a country where we are permitted to have differences in opinions in the first place.  We need to commit to memory and practice, that if we should "never forget"  that also means that we should "ALWAYS REMEMBER."

Till next time...
Paige

(43-86) Bountifully Blessed

Last week, while chatting with my girl's teachers before I volunteered in Kelsie's class; Lyndzi's teacher told me that Lyndzi was going to be student of the month; and they'd be having the assembly on October 22.  We all agreed that I would go to Kelsie's class in the morning, (as if I was volunteering;) so that Lyndzi wouldn't be suspicious of me being at school.  Sound familiar?  I wrote about the same ploy in "Kudos To Kelsie;" where I did something similar for Kels when she was student of the month.

It's actually difficult for me to write this next segment, because I'm fearful of being misunderstood.  It is my sincere hope that I can properly convey  this message in the spirit in which it's meant; which is a spirit of love, kindness, compassion, respect and gratitude.  So with that said; I'll proceed with caution.

We went to the assembly first thing this morning and I sat with Kelsie's class.  And as I took a look around the room; I was reminded of the various populations of special needs children that we service on our campus; and I felt very thankful and bountifully blessed to have such capable children.  ALL of the children were so wonderful and sweet but my heart felt sad; and grateful at the same time.  Now PLEASE don't get me wrong.  I know that ALL children are capable of great things; but some have handicaps that others do not.  On our campus we service deaf children, and children who have diagnosis' that fall somewhere within the autism spectrum; and when they come together with the general population, their is a noticeable difference.  Not a better or a worse difference; just noticeable.  some have to wear headphones to block out noise; others flail there hands about, or jerk uncontrollably; and these are things that I don't experience on a regular basis; but effect me profoundly.

I remember when I was about 10 years old; my parents had some old friends come to our home for a visit.  I had never met these friends before; and they had brought their daughter who was younger than me and was completely blind.  I had never met a blind person before; and I tried not to treat her differently; but when I put 2 little super balls in her hands and told her that one was red and one was blue; her parents politely told me that she had no idea what red or blue was; and when they left, shortly thereafter; I cried hysterically.  It seemed so unfair to me, that this young children was deprived of her sight; and I was overcome with emotion. 

I've always had a soft spot for those who are different.  I cried uncontrollably for Forrest Gump for  Pete's sake.  And I'm not saying that I pity the children at my kids school; because it's not my pity that they need.  I'm just expressing that I feel compassion for their struggles.

Sitting in the auditorium and waiting for Lyndzi's name to be called, I had time to reflect on all that my children have been blessed with.  Their health; their aptitude, and their special gifts; just to name a few.  I was even appreciative of Kelsie's tenacity and her resolve to argue with me the way that she does; because she was endowed with the ability to do so.

After the principal called Lyndzi's name; her teacher read the following "This certificate celebrates Lyndzi Ramos for the month of October.  Lyndzi always comes to school with a smile on her face!  She is quick to lend a hand to others, and is a very conscientious student!"  Do I have to tell you how proud I was?  Lyndzi exemplifies all of the qualities that I respect in an individual; and it is an honor and my pleasure to be her mother. 

It often seems easier to dwell on what we have not; and overlook what we have; I can assure you that I take nothing for granted and  I realize how very, fortunate I am in so many ways.  One may be rich financially and destitute emotionally.  One may have wealth but not love; one may have commodities, but not comfort.  There are definitely some things that money cannot buy; and those are the things that are priceless.

Till next time...

Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-70) The Protectors...

It's been said that as parents grow older, the roles become reversed and the children become the caretakers to the parents.  Although it's a hard row to hoe; I think that there is also something quite lovely about it. What remarkable reciprocity there can be in the circle of life.

Now don't get me wrong; I can tell you first hand that there is nothing pleasurable about watching a parent deteriorate before your very eyes.  No one ever wants to see someone that they love suffer.  And it is heartbreaking to think of what your life will be like without your loved one.   BUT, to have the satisfaction of knowing that you did your best to make someone comfortable, physically and emotionally is an experience that is a privilege to endure.

Although it was difficult to lose my parents when I was a teen; the burden is not one that I solely bear; as my children are effected every day, by my loss.   Despite their young ages, my kids are ALL very conscientious about my feelings, and how I may react to certain situations that involve the subject matter of cancer, death or dying; and they do an UNBELIEVABLE job of trying to protect and safeguard me.  It's not unusual to see one of my kids give another a disapproving, side glance if someone brings up a subject that another perceives may upset me.  Not that I get upset frequently or easily; it's just that to them, these matters are taboo because they are trying to insulate me from sadness.  I can assure you that I know how absolutely, blessed I am to have such considerate and compassionate children; but I must also admit that I hate that this is a worry that they have to have.

Luis was working at the pharmacy tonight and the kids and I were watching "GLEE."  This evening's episode was a little more serious than most; as Kurt's dad was in a coma in the hospital. Although it was a moving show, I didn't get upset; but I can't tell you how many times EACH of my kids asked me if I was OK.   To say that they weren't able to enjoy the show because their concern for me was so distracting; probably wouldn't be an exaggeration.  I was so touched by their attention and concern; and I knew in those moments what it was like to be taken care of by your children.  I felt SO proud to see that Luis and I have already parented them to a point where they can be selfless, sympathetic and supportive; and I know that I am the luckiest mom in the world; to be cared for and loved in this way.
I am so glad that I live my life with my eyes wide open; so that I can recognize the beauty, and marvel at the splendor of every special moment.  To me, being a member of a family means that we ALL take care of each other; and tonight I was fortunate to have my kids looking out for me.  Remarkable reciprocity, indeed.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-30) Kudos to Kelsie

In additon to wanting to share our love and our lives; one of the reasons that Luis and I wanted to have children, was so that we could bring people into this world who would go forth and contribute positively.  People who would be kind and compassionate, reliable and responsible, trustworthy and hard working.  Individuals who would try to make the world a better place.  And although I believe that our children are well on their way to becoming these kinds of people; today I heard a story about my youngest; Kelsie, that assured me that  we are on the right track.

Kelsie is in first grade and she came home from school on Tuesday and told me that something disgusting had happened in class.  I was intrigued, as this isn't something that I usually hear and I asked her to tell me all about it.  Kelsie explained that someone had pooped in class instead of going to the bathroom.  Of course I asked if the person had done it in front of the class; and Kelsie said "I don't think so."  I definitely needed more details at this point; so I asked her to tell me exactly what happened.  Kelsie explained that there was poop next to this one girl's desk and under her chair.  Repulsed as I was, I needed to press on with  my questioning;  but before I could utter another word, Kelsie said "And guess who found the poop?"  Oh dear lord, I knew what was coming next; and as soon as I asked "WHO?"  She said exactly what I knew she'd say; "ME!"  OK, Gross! Gross! Gross!  I asked Kelsie what she did when she found it and she said "I told the teacher."  I asked what the teacher did, and she said "Called the janitor."  POOR janitor!  I love our janitor, God bless her!!  I asked what happened to the student and Kels explained that the teacher had spoken to her in private.

So today I went to volunteer in Kelsie's class again; or at least that's what I told her.  The truth of the matter is that I knew that Kelsie was getting the Student of the Month award and I wanted to be at the assembly for her; but she's so darn sharp that I knew if she saw me AT the assembly, she'd figure out that she was student of the month; so instead I just said that I was volunteering in her class.  I was / am VERY proud of kelsie for being Student of the month. She has demonstrated that she knows when it's time to play and she knows when it's time to buckle down and do work.  I'm told that she is very well behaved and a great role model. Now what mom wouldn't be ecstatic to receive these compliments about their child?  But even better than that, was the story that her teacher told me about the poop incident.
Her teacher said, "I felt so bad that Kelsie had to be the one to find the poop; but she handled the situation so compassionately."  She said "Kelsie was very discreet when she told me what happened and she didn't make a big deal about it, so ultimately none of the other kids in the class had any idea what was going on and the pooper was not embarrassed." (Well she didn't say pooper...)  My chest swelled with pride and my heart smiled as the teacher told me this story; and I grew a new appreciation for the person that kelsie is becoming.  Many other children would have handled this situation so very differently; and I think Kelsie demonstrated maturity and compassion that we sometimes don't even see in adults.  I think it's safe to say that Luis and I are doing something VERY right.  Get ready world!!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-18) We're All In This TOGETHER

Today was a day of EXTREMELY mixed emotions.  I laughed several times, when I wasn't on the verge of tears.  I had a knot in the pit of my stomache (which actually took residence about a week ago;) but then I felt the kindess of strangers and the comfort of familiarity and the knot would dissipate.  Vague, I know; which must seem unusual coming from the Queen of OVER EXPLAINING; but details at this time are actually unimportant. 

Today Michelle M and I had a garage sale.  It wasn't one of my FULL ON garage sales; but one that I was helping her with and OK, of course I couldn't resist the opportunity to sell a few of my things along the way.  It was an enlightening day because our conversations ran the gamut from the economy and foreclosure to child rearing, to Disneyland and Las Vegas to careers, friendships and relationships to my utter disgust and annoyance with the NOT REAL "Real Housewives of New Jersey;" and that was just the first half hour.  Nah, just kidding; those conversations took place over the course of 8 hours and I know for sure that we, (or at least I) could have sat and talked for at least 8 hours more.
Michelle and I were engrossed in our conversations in between sales and I have to say that I was touched and impressed by so many of the people that we encountered today.  There was something different in the air and it wasn't just the unusual humidity.  People were open today; people shared their stories with strangers and offered comfort and reassurance to each other and we all commiserated and it felt GOOD.  People exposed their private information for an opportunity to feel connected and it seemed that the housing epidemic was uniting people in a way that we haven't been before.  Now again, I know that I'm writing in a lot of generalities but this time it was truly the actions that were important and NOT all of the details.  It was a sign that people were reaching out to each other, people wanted to be sympathetic and empathetic because after all WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

For A Cause...

I suppose it would be easy for me to start telling my latest story and not even acknowledge that I haven't posted a blog in over two months ~ but then I just wouldn't be me; now would I ?  I'm not going to give you a lengthy list of excuses for my absence; just one BIG one; I've been in a SLUMP!  Now a slump is totally different from having writer's block; because I certainly do have stories to tell; and rest assured that in good time THEY WILL BE TOLD -  but ever since we returned from Puerto Vallarta (in early June,) I've had several unexpected situations that have caused me an extraordinary amount of stress and I just haven't had the wherewithal or the confidence to write (even though I REALLY wanted to.)  My anxiety had been getting the better of me; and it kept me from doing what I LOVE to do and THAT made things even worse.  Even though I kept trying to convince myself that I was ready to write; I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Even though I was receiving requests from friends and readers asking me to post a blog; I just couldn't try; (though I hope that they know how grateful I was / am,  for their encouragement and how flattered I was / am by their interest.)  I know that  I'm stronger than all of the forces that seemed to be at work against me but actually writing just seemed impossible; UNTIL I witnessed something that moved me so much, that I KNEW it was time for me to get back to work.

On Monday I took my kids to swim team practice and while we were getting ready to leave; one of the coaches handed a bag of plastic bottle caps to a girl that we didn't know.  Someone asked why she was collecting the caps and she explained that a friend of hers had a friend who had Leukemia and that for every 700 caps that were collected, she would get a free treatment.  Well, my kids heard this and as soon as we got into our minivan, they immediately started searching for plastic bottle caps.  Then, as soon as we arrived home, they checked our garage, and our recycling baskets, and even though it was 109 degrees in the shade, they went out to our back yard and tried to dig up some more caps. After they'd found a few, they came inside and started searching our pantry.  Lyndzi said "Hey Mom, when will you ever use apple vinegar?"  And I explained what I use it for; to which she replied "Maybe when you're done, we can use that cap."  And then she continued searching further, suggesting "What about the mayonnaise and the peanut butter."  Kelsie then chimed in with "Maybe when I'm done taking my medicine, we could use that cap."  To which a very enthusiastic Lyndzi said "Do you take it two times a day?"  And Kelsie answered excitedly, "Yes, morning and night."  They then tried to think of other places that they might find caps and they remembered that Luis had a growing collection of water bottles in our Toyota; so they called him at work to make sure that he hadn't thrown the bottles away.  As luck would have it; he said that he had just cleaned the car out the day before and so we explained that we needed him to bring home the bottle caps from now on and get others to give them to him as well.

I was SO touched by my kids call to action, that I knew my slump was over and that THIS was the story that I was ready to write.  I found their desire to help and their compassion absolutely inspirational, and I was overcome by their good will and humanity.  Just because it's who they are, my kids were interested in (say it with me) THE GREATER GOOD; and that's not an expression that I have even used with them thus far.  And so, in the interest of THE GREATER GOOD, I thought that others might want to help too and since I wanted to write this post armed with all of the information that you would need to get involved; I promptly started researching bottle caps for cancer; (YES, sometimes I actually research something before I write about it...) and I found out that it is a total hoax.  Snopes reported it, as did several other articles; all with quotes from the American Cancer Society, stating "HOAX,"  "Urban myth" and absolutely UNTRUE.

Can you even imagine how difficult it was for me to explain to my kids that the 73 bottle caps that they'd collected since Monday, were not really going to be able to help anyone.  To say they were dejected would be an understatement, because they wanted so badly to help.  But you know what... THEY DID!  Their deed helped remind me of what truly EXCEPTIONAL, AMAZING people they are and I realized that in order to perpetuate this path, I shouldn't waste a minute worrying about trivial things, or stress about situations that I can't control; because when I do, my disposition prevents me from giving the best of myself TO THEM and NOTHING is more important than spending time with my children.  I recognized that all of the time that I had spent worrying and stressing was time that I could have spent focusing on the positive, which is that I am raising kind, considerate, loving individuals. People who are already going out into the world and trying to make a difference and NOTHING  deserves my concern and attention more than that!!

So now my slump IS officially over (because I say it is. ) I'm BACK and I'm ready to write AND I've got something planned that you're NEVER going to believe; so you're just going to have to stay tuned to find out.

Till next time...

Queen of EVERYTHING

Humanity is alive and well

I'll admit that I am prone to complain a lot. I'd like to think that it's not so much, like poor me kinda stuff (that's usually not my style;) but I complain about whatever I consider to be injustices, ie: The Deal or No Deal Situation, or the uprising of the mediocre etc. Maybe they're not so much complaints as gripes; but anyway, what I want to get at is, as much as I can complain or gripe, I definitely take great pleasure in discussing what is good and right in the world when I have occasion to witness it.

The other day my friend Tiffany suffered a terrible tragedy when her 7 year old nephew accidentally shot himself in the eye with a pellet gun that he found in his garage. Tiffany's nephew was rushed to the ER, flown to the closest pediatric hospital and underwent surgery; but sadly, he did not make it.
Tiffany was devastated as ANYONE would be; and she planned to fly to Iowa to be with her sister, but the last minute airfare was not cheap; $600.00
Our friend Kara sent an email to all of their mutual friends as well as her relatives and Tiff's neighbors. Kara wrote of the tragedy and advised that she would be collecting contributions towards Tiffany's airfare; if anyone felt that they wanted to help out.

Tiffany is the type of person who is always there when you need her. Last year my son had been in the hospital for a few days because he was in asthmatic distress; and as soon as Tiffany heard about my sons hospitalization (from Kara,) she called to see what she could do. I hadn't had anything to eat for dinner and Tiffany offered to drive up late at night to bring me something to eat; she only lived 45 minutes from the hospital. I declined- I told her that I was sure that I could live off of my body fat for one night; but she then insisted that she would be there the next morning, no matter what I had to say about it. Tiffany showed up with Starbuck's and a scrapbooking magazine for me, a balloon and some coloring books for my son and some various other treats, if my memory serves me correctly - that's just the type of person that Tiffany is; and I could go on and on.

Since Tiffany has been such a good friend to me, of course I wanted to help her; but just one day after my $840 dentist bill, I didn't have much to contribute. I spoke with my husband and we planned to contribute $25 since our finances were so tight. I was trying to figure out what else I could do to help Tiffany so I decided to email everyone that Kara didn't know; like women that Tiffany and I scrapbook with and other friends of mine who have met Tiff.
I forwarded Kara's email with an introduction that explained "although you might not know Tiffany very well, I thought you would want to know about the tragedy that she has experienced." And then it happened... Women who have only met Tiffany a couple of times started contacting me to tell me that they wanted to contribute. Jenny and Lisa B and Lesa G and my friend Michelle K who hasn't even seen or spoken to Tiffany in over a year wanted to contribute, and my friend Rachel who lives in Santa Monica and comes in a couple of times a year, wanted to contribute; and my friend Jackie, who has been undergoing her own tragedies day in and day out, wanted to contribute and then the one that brought me to tears; Jackie's mother wanted to contribute. Now Jackie has become one of my closest friends and we spend a lot of time together, but I haven't even met her mom yet, so needless to say neither has Tiffany - and here was Jackie's mom giving a $50 contribution to a woman she never met... People can be GOOD!! People can pitch in when others are down because they recognize that this tragedy could have just as easily happened to them or someone that they are close to; or they recognize that there is pain and suffering in life and sometimes you just need to help because it is the right thing to do.
In a world where we often see the worst sides of people, it is so unexpected and delightful when people show you just how good we CAN BE to each other. People can AMAZE you; but it is kinda sad that generosity and compassion would be causes for amazement. Nonetheless, I was amazed and thankfully so. I was overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers and so thankful that we were all able to come together and help make things a little easier for Tiffany because I know that she would have been one of the first ones to do the same for someone else.
Certainly I am not the Queen of, oh what's that word? Like when someone of importance bestows you with a compliment? Well you know what I mean, it's not like my praise is going to get you into heaven or get you a Nobel peace prize, or really even matters, but I'll give it anyway - accolades to all of you who showed that humanity is alive and well.
Thank you so much for taking the time to care.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING