Tuesday, October 5, 2010
(43-70) The Protectors...
Now don't get me wrong; I can tell you first hand that there is nothing pleasurable about watching a parent deteriorate before your very eyes. No one ever wants to see someone that they love suffer. And it is heartbreaking to think of what your life will be like without your loved one. BUT, to have the satisfaction of knowing that you did your best to make someone comfortable, physically and emotionally is an experience that is a privilege to endure.
Although it was difficult to lose my parents when I was a teen; the burden is not one that I solely bear; as my children are effected every day, by my loss. Despite their young ages, my kids are ALL very conscientious about my feelings, and how I may react to certain situations that involve the subject matter of cancer, death or dying; and they do an UNBELIEVABLE job of trying to protect and safeguard me. It's not unusual to see one of my kids give another a disapproving, side glance if someone brings up a subject that another perceives may upset me. Not that I get upset frequently or easily; it's just that to them, these matters are taboo because they are trying to insulate me from sadness. I can assure you that I know how absolutely, blessed I am to have such considerate and compassionate children; but I must also admit that I hate that this is a worry that they have to have.
Luis was working at the pharmacy tonight and the kids and I were watching "GLEE." This evening's episode was a little more serious than most; as Kurt's dad was in a coma in the hospital. Although it was a moving show, I didn't get upset; but I can't tell you how many times EACH of my kids asked me if I was OK. To say that they weren't able to enjoy the show because their concern for me was so distracting; probably wouldn't be an exaggeration. I was so touched by their attention and concern; and I knew in those moments what it was like to be taken care of by your children. I felt SO proud to see that Luis and I have already parented them to a point where they can be selfless, sympathetic and supportive; and I know that I am the luckiest mom in the world; to be cared for and loved in this way.
I am so glad that I live my life with my eyes wide open; so that I can recognize the beauty, and marvel at the splendor of every special moment. To me, being a member of a family means that we ALL take care of each other; and tonight I was fortunate to have my kids looking out for me. Remarkable reciprocity, indeed.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING