(43-338) Scary Pain

On Monday, I bit into a chip and experienced the most unpleasant shooting pain in my tooth.  In my life, I had never felt such a bizarre and terrifying pain in my mouth; but thankfully it did not persist.  Then
last night I was eating a salad, and I experienced a similar pain - though not quite as brutal.  Since twice I'd felt the pain in the same part of my mouth, I started to panic.  Huge Dentalphobic that I am, I feared that the pain meant that something was going wrong with one of my teeth; and I got scared.

Now when I get scared about a tooth pain, what typically happens is that I obsess about it, and I manifest the pain that I fear so much.  I took some Ibuprofen, and an Alprazolam (for anxiety) because I didn't want my fear to make the pain worse.  I slept through the night (which was a great sign that nothing was wrong;) but when I got up, I was sure that my tooth hurt (even though I couldn't tell you which one it was.)  I took some more medicine and went to work.  I IM'd Luis and told him that I was nervous about my tooth; especially because we were going out of town on Saturday and he suggested that I go to the dentist.

The old me would have waited till the last possible minute to go to the dentist; but despite my fear I scheduled an appointment for today at 2 because I wanted to ensure that I'd be pain free for our trip.  I was REALLY proud of myself, because not only did I go to the dentist promptly, but I didn't take any Alprazolam prior to my appointment.  I kept telling myself "If there is something wrong with the tooth, it will feel better after that appointment, so there was nothing to be afraid of."   I told the receptionist, the dentist and his assistant that I was really hoping that it was a sinus problem or even nothing at all.  I said that if they couldn't find anything wrong then I knew I'd look crazy, but that was a chance I was willing to take, because I'd rather be safe than sorry.  They took x-rays, tested hot and cold, tapped on teeth picked at teeth and thankfully, nothing caused me any pain.  The Dentist explained that I may have bit into the chip the wrong way (and for me biting into a chip at all, is THE WRONG WAY.)  And even though you can't bruise a tooth, he explained that what he thinks happened to my tooth was the equivalent of bruising it.

When all was said and done the dentist assured me that he didn't see any sign of infection or abscess, and said that I should go to California, relax and have fun because nothing should go wrong with my tooth this weekend.  I thanked everyone profusely and left with a great sense of relief.   I was and am so proud of myself for not procrastinating, and I am hopeful that I won't ever feel that pain again.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-280) Winning The Battle

When I tell people who already know me, that I'm shy; they seem to have a difficult time believing it.  I know that's because once they know me, I'm very friendly and extremely talkative; BUT, if you personally know me, and you think back to how you met me, you'll probably realize that you met me through a friend, or in a class, or work, or for some reason you started talking to me first.  But (unless your Michelle M,) I don't think you'll recall me making the first move towards being friends.

I've told you many times that I am a very blessed woman and that I probably have more close friends than most.  The truth is that I'm very good at making friends, but I am prone to being shy and reserved AT FIRST.  This seems to be a contradiction in terms; I know.  I often refer to myself as the introverted extrovert or the extroverted introvert, take your pick. Either way, I'm a conundrum.  Despite my shyness, over time I've managed to run for a variety of school offices and win.  I've even mentioned previously, that during my senior year of college I was the President of the Student body.  I gave a welcome speech to the Freshman class, I MC'd shows, I conducted weekly student government meetings, I addressed the Board of trustees, our Provost, Chancellor and University President, and I managed to do it with great aptitude; or so I was told.  And yet; certain social situations still cause me to be shy and fearful.

When I wrote "Back In The Day," I told you that lately I've been spending a lot of time looking at old high school yearbooks and that I'd been to various school district offices and high schools; with several more to go. What I didn't tell you was that doing so, causes me GREAT anxiety. Don't ask me why, but it takes every ounce of courage that I have to find and follow directions to these schools that I've never been to before and then to make my way to their library, media center or Information Technology Center (which by the way I had never heard of before today;) but, I'm doing it. In the past two weeks I've gone to seven high schools and four of them were just today. Although today's schools were all in the same district, they were in an area that I was completely unfamiliar with; and yet, I managed to get it all done.
Each time I completed a school I was proud that I hadn't let my fear get the better of me.  I was able to face situations that I found uncomfortable and do what needed to be done, as I've done so many times before; and yet I know that it will continue to be a battle.  A battle that slowly but surely I'm winning.

I can't help but think that I must really be confusing you.  I mean I'm sure that you're wondering how a woman who claims to be so shy can share her innermost thoughts with the world.  I tell you about my hopes and dreams, fears and failures, and yet that's not scary to me.  Conundrum, I KNOW.  Maybe the reason that I do share so freely is because I want to teach my kids (and remind you) that as cliche as it sounds, you can't judge a book by it's cover; and most often times for better or worse, there is so much more to people than meets the eye.  No one is perfect.  We are all flawed; but we all need to be who we are.  And maybe by truly recognizing this, we can all be more accepting of ourselves and more tolerant of each others imperfections .
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-116) My Girl's Got COURAGE

We've been having a sensational soccer season.  At the risk of jinxing us; I'll tell you that all three of my kid's teams are undefeated thus far.  Lyndzi and Kelsie have each had one tie in addition to their victories; and Nicky's team has won every game.  Although all three kids have very different skill levels, each of the games have been nothing short of fantastic.

Today Lyndzi's coach wasn't at the game, because he went backpacking; so a couple of Dad's filled in coaching The T-N-T for him.  The coach had provided the Dad's with a lineup; that included Lyndzi playing forward or defender in the first half; and goalie (her preferred position,) in the second half.  We were playing a team that we've beaten before; but two seasons ago, this team was the team to beat; and our kids remember that.

The first half was a little tougher for us than usual, and by the time half time arrived we were losing one to two.  Lyndzi told me that she was a little nervous to play goalie, since the other team was playing so hard; and they were losing for the first time this season.   Lyndzi felt that if they lost, it would be her fault; so she wasn't sure that she wanted to take that chance.  The Dad's called the team together for a pep talk.  They asked Lyndzi if she was ready to be goalie; and I heard her tell them that she was a little nervous.  I "thought" that they were looking for a replacement; but the next thing I knew, my girl was putting her goalie jersey on.  I went over to the meeting and gave Lyndzi a BIG hug, and told her how very proud of her I was, for being afraid and trying anyway. 

As she took to the field, the Dad's were talking her up, telling her what a great goalie she was; and that she had nothing to fear.  They said that as long as she had a good time playing, everything would be OK.

T-N-T was back in true form by the second half and they scored early, scored again, and again and again.  The opposing team scored one goal on Lyndzi and one goal only; although they attempted four.  The game ended with T-N-T winning five to three.

EVERYONE was so proud of Lyndzi and told her what a terrific job she did; and just as we were about to walk away, one of the Dad's said "Lyndzi, how many goals did they score on you?"  And Lyndzi quietly said "one."  He then repeated his question, and with a bit more confidence and a big smile; Lyndzi answered "ONE."  He then went on to tell Lyndzi; "They scored one; and you were right where you were supposed to be.  You went for it, and it slipped; but it was a lucky goal; not one that had anything to do with your error."  He then said, "Lyndzi, win or lose; as long as you give it your all and have fun, that's all that any of us care about."  He told her that she did a great job; and I thanked him very much for talking to her.

John Wayne said " Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway;" and today Lyndzi did just that.  I think that she was very brave to face her fear; and I'm so glad that she was successful despite it.

You all know that my kids make me proud on a daily basis; but today is different.  Today I am proud FOR Lyndzi because she made her own difficult decision and showed everyone her strength of character and ability. ANYONE can agree to play goalie when they have a big lead or are playing a weaker team; but to know that you might lose and give it your all anyway; now THAT is courageous.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-112) The Glass Is Half Full

When I wrote "BOOBS," on October 27; I told you that I had gotten my annual mammogram done.  The radiology center that I go to always has us complete a self-addressed postcard so that they can send us a quick note to give us peace of mind that all is well.  Or at least those are always the kind of postcards that I'd received from them in the past.

I've been watching my mail, but to date I haven't received a card, so I was starting to get a little worried.  Now my mail carrier is not the best by a long shot and several times I've gotten someone else's mail, so I thought it could be very possible that someone else had gotten my card.  Just to be on the safe side, I called the radiology center and had a rather frustrating experience.

When I first called I got a man on the line.  I said "Hello" and started to say "I was there on October 27 for my annual mammogram," to which he mechanically said "what do you need ma'am?"  And I replied "Well, I was trying to tell you before you interrupted me."  I then went on to explain that I hadn't received a postcard from them, so I was just calling to follow up and he blandly said "hold on," and transferred my call.

A woman picked up the line, and again I stated my purpose for calling, but before I could finish, the woman interjected "So you need to re-schedule your appointment?"  I said "No."  And then asked what was wrong with the listening skills of their personnel.  I re-stated my reason for calling, and the woman was extremely apologetic.  The woman said that she would look into the matter and someone would call me back.

Within about fifteen minutes I got a call back and the woman advised that they'd found my test results, but she couldn't tell me what they were; however, she suggested that I call my doctor.  She also said that the cards were being sent out and she apologized for the delay, and the earlier misunderstanding.

To say that I was nervous, would be an understatement.  I wasted no time and promptly called my doctor's office.  I had to leave a message and the receptionist said that the doctor or her assistant would call me back.  I asked if it would be today, but was told that it might not be until tomorrow.  I tired to remain calm, and didn't want to think the worst.  I ran over all of the possible scenarios in my head.  Maybe she told me to call my doctor because it was bad news.  Perhaps she was trying to be nice and thought the doctor could tell me that everything was OK, quicker than I'd get the card in the mail; or maybe she was trying to worry me unnecessarily for pointing out how rude she and her co-worker had been.  At this point I can't say which reason it was, because sadly I have yet to hear from the doctor or her assistant.

For the most part, I find imagination to be a wonderful thing and I use mine quite regularly; BUT imagination can also be a breeding ground for fear.  If we allow our negative imagination to get the better of us; we can drive ourselves crazy, and that's certainly not what I want; so I've made the conscious decision to believe the glass is half full.  I don't want to dwell on the possibility of a problem; when there might not be one at all. Now taking this stance doesn't come naturally to me, because I'm prone to worrying; but I don't want to waste my energy on that.  Although it would be simple for me to fear the worst; there's also a chance that all is well; and that the woman that I spoke with was trying to help me get the fastest results possible.  Worrying needlessly is a waste of time and energy and since I have neither to spare, I'm going to focus on the fact that  I am surrounded by love and positivity and  I'm going to savor every minute of it.  Please send your love, good thoughts and positive energy my way.

Till next time...

Queen of EVERYTHING                                  

(43-7) Have No Fear

So apparently I'm doing it; I'm REALLY doing it!! I said that I was going to blog everyday, and so far I have. OK I'm only 7 days in, but still; I can' t remember the last time that I wrote 7 blogs in 7 weeks so I view this as a MAJOR accomplishment. I said that I wasn't going to sweat the small stuff; and when an opportunity arose, where previously I might have stressed a bit; I DIDN'T!! And last but certainly not least I am taking care of myself; and I'm not living in fear.

So let's go with the easy one first; THE SMALL STUFF.  The other night I saw a notice on my blog page saying that "something" had been removed, changed or relocated by Photobucket; and I had NO idea what this was.  After a while it dawned on me that my background was now grey and no longer the cute, lil shabby chic background that I loved.  I clicked on the Cutest Blog on the Block logo to see if I could find my background again; but I could not. Granted I didn't look for very long; but I looked everywhere that I thought it could be.  As time was of the essence I quickly chose the background that I have now because 1. I'd admired before and 2. It was almost a perfect match for the color settings that I had with the previous template.  I actually told myself  "just use this for now and when you have more time you can always change it again."  And for those of you who know me, you know this is TOTALLY contradictory to what I would have done before.  Oh no; BEFORE I would have looked at EVERY SINGLE TEMPLATE before deciding what to choose and then I would have changed my mind a couple of times.  So Brava for me!  I'm happy with my decision and I'm even happier that I was just able to go with the flow.

As if we hadn't been busy enough; yesterday in the midst of reorganizing, I had an appointment with my favorite Podiatrist.  OK, my ONLY Podiatrist, but I just think he's swell.  Anyway, last week I thought that I was starting to get an in-grown toe nail (YES, again;) but this time on my left foot.  Rather than trying to heal myself; as I've done in the past;  I promptly made an appointment to have it removed.  I decided that there was NO reason for me to live with pain and there was no reason for me to live with fear.  I rationalized that I'd had the procedure done before and I knew that I'd be fine.  I'd gotten the shots before and although it's not enjoyable it's something that I could get through and so I decided that I would be stronger than any fear I'd previously had and I would take care of myself; and I did.  I don't know why I used to let my fear get the better of me or why I would put up with pain; but WE don't have to.  So at the risk of sounding all Kumbaya-ish, let me just say that regardless of what type of pain you may be experiencing; you owe it to yourself to get any and all treatment possible as quickly as possible; because you never know how long you have and there's no need to suffer while you're here.  You have to be at your best so that you can enjoy every beautiful day that you're blessed with.  So with that said, I encourage you to face your fears no matter how scary they may seem and take care of yourselves.  I promise that YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING