Tuesday, May 3, 2011

(43-280) Winning The Battle

When I tell people who already know me, that I'm shy; they seem to have a difficult time believing it.  I know that's because once they know me, I'm very friendly and extremely talkative; BUT, if you personally know me, and you think back to how you met me, you'll probably realize that you met me through a friend, or in a class, or work, or for some reason you started talking to me first.  But (unless your Michelle M,) I don't think you'll recall me making the first move towards being friends.

I've told you many times that I am a very blessed woman and that I probably have more close friends than most.  The truth is that I'm very good at making friends, but I am prone to being shy and reserved AT FIRST.  This seems to be a contradiction in terms; I know.  I often refer to myself as the introverted extrovert or the extroverted introvert, take your pick. Either way, I'm a conundrum.  Despite my shyness, over time I've managed to run for a variety of school offices and win.  I've even mentioned previously, that during my senior year of college I was the President of the Student body.  I gave a welcome speech to the Freshman class, I MC'd shows, I conducted weekly student government meetings, I addressed the Board of trustees, our Provost, Chancellor and University President, and I managed to do it with great aptitude; or so I was told.  And yet; certain social situations still cause me to be shy and fearful.

When I wrote "Back In The Day," I told you that lately I've been spending a lot of time looking at old high school yearbooks and that I'd been to various school district offices and high schools; with several more to go. What I didn't tell you was that doing so, causes me GREAT anxiety. Don't ask me why, but it takes every ounce of courage that I have to find and follow directions to these schools that I've never been to before and then to make my way to their library, media center or Information Technology Center (which by the way I had never heard of before today;) but, I'm doing it. In the past two weeks I've gone to seven high schools and four of them were just today. Although today's schools were all in the same district, they were in an area that I was completely unfamiliar with; and yet, I managed to get it all done.
Each time I completed a school I was proud that I hadn't let my fear get the better of me.  I was able to face situations that I found uncomfortable and do what needed to be done, as I've done so many times before; and yet I know that it will continue to be a battle.  A battle that slowly but surely I'm winning.

I can't help but think that I must really be confusing you.  I mean I'm sure that you're wondering how a woman who claims to be so shy can share her innermost thoughts with the world.  I tell you about my hopes and dreams, fears and failures, and yet that's not scary to me.  Conundrum, I KNOW.  Maybe the reason that I do share so freely is because I want to teach my kids (and remind you) that as cliche as it sounds, you can't judge a book by it's cover; and most often times for better or worse, there is so much more to people than meets the eye.  No one is perfect.  We are all flawed; but we all need to be who we are.  And maybe by truly recognizing this, we can all be more accepting of ourselves and more tolerant of each others imperfections .
Till next time...

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