(43-330) "the glee project"

Are you a GLEEk like me and my kids?  Have you somehow missed "GLEE", but enjoy music or musicals?  Do you enjoy a good  competition series?  If you've answered yes to any or all of these questions, then you should be watching "the glee project" Sunday's at 9/8c on Oxygen.

"the glee project" was developed by "GLEE'" creator, Ryan Murphy as a way to search for the next "GLEE" cast member, since most of the current cast should be graduating next year.  The winner of "the glee project" will appear in seven episodes next season; and the competition has been fierce.

Each week the contestants are given "homework"  - an assignment that focuses on a specific theme.  The first week they concentrated on individuality and this past week theatricality was the topic.  Along with the concept they're assigned a song to work on as a group.  Each participant is given a part and they have to demonstrate the theme in their segment of the performance; and all I can say is that both performances could have easily been shown on an episode of "GLEE."    Once the performance is over, one person emerges as the winner of the homework round and they are given a special feature in the video that the group will film that week, as well as a mentoring session with whoever the guest star of the episode is.  So far they've been visited by Darren Criss who plays Blaine on "GLEE", and Tony award winner, Idina Menzel ("RENT" and "Wicked") who played Rachel's birth mother, Shelby.

The second assignment of the week is a group video.  The cast work with a choreographer and music director to make a video for whatever song that the producer's assign.  My kids and I have found both videos to be very entertaining and GLEE-esque; so if you're missing your weekly dose of  "GLEE" no need to go through withdrawal any more; just tune in to "the glee project."

After the conclusion of the video viewing, the producers announce which contestants are called back.  The last three contestants must perform a song of the producer's choice and then one is eliminated.

This series has ABSOLUTELY everything that I love in a show.  Great musical performances, dancing, competition and reality.  The participants are all unique.  They could all be written into the cast of "GLEE" just playing themselves.  They're all different, and unique, and I'm sure that there isn't a person out there who couldn't relate to at least one of  them. 

So even if your busy on Sunday nights or your  DVR is fillin up; make some room for "the glee project".   I think you'll be really glad you did.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

(43-206) That's Entertainment!

Historically, there have been few TV shows that Luis and I both want to watch.  He finds it ridiculous that I still enjoy "General Hospital" after all of these years; because he "assumes" that they keep doing the same story lines over and over again; which in their defense; I must say, they do not.  And although I will gladly watch CNN or MSNBC with him for a limited amount of time; I can't watch it hours on end; like he will if given the opportunity;  nor do I have any interest in watching the Discovery channel; or anything about insects.

As our tastes in TV shows couldn't be more different; it thrills me no end that we are both addicted to the NEW "American Idol."  When I wrote "Half Way There;"  I told you that I was enjoying the chemistry between Randy, Steven and J-Lo; and they have yet to disappoint.  I also told you that barring any interference from votefortheworst.com; I thought this season of "Idol" might be the best yet; and based on what I've seen thus far; I still stand by this statement.

If you have yet to tune in to "American Idol" this season; I highly recommend that you program your DVR or Tivo or whatever recording device your using; because the NEW "Idol" has been absolutely amazing.  Next week will be the last phase of Hollywood week; so by no means is it too late for you to jump on the bandwagon; so I say, GET ON BOARD.  The singers that are left all seem to be very original; with distinct voices like we haven't heard before; and the judges have been; in a word, PHENOMENAL.  Although I was a big (yes) HUGE, Simon fan.  I have to say that this season is much more pleasant.  Even when they're delivering a criticism; it doesn't have the sting that Simon's comments had. 

Although this is the tenth season of "American Idol;" there is a freshness about it, that has Luis and I very interested; and we love the fact that there is something that we want to watch together.  OK, if truth be told; there are actually a few shows that we're watching together now, besides "American Idol."  Our favorite comedy is "Mike and Molly;" which is on Monday nights on CBS.  If you haven't seen it yet; you are missing a weekly dose of laughter; and I wouldn't let another week pass by, before tuning in; because it's HYSTERICAL.  We're also watching "Jersey Shore;" and "RuPaul's Drag Race," and we're not embarrassed to admit it.  Hmmm, well; maybe we're a little embarrassed to admit it.  But that's entertainment!   You can say what you want about the cast of "The Jersey Shore," but the utter ridiculousness of it all just makes us laugh (In a "Hangover" kinda way;) and we'll take our laughs anywhere we can get them these days.   

Now I KNOW that there are a lot of people who are appalled by the "Jersey Shore," and to those of you I say; I get it.  But don't let the fact that I enjoy it; dissuade you from taking my recommendations for this seasons "American Idol;" and "Mike and Molly;" because for however bad you think "Jersey Shore" is; "American Idol" and "Mike and Molly" are THAT GOOD! 
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

In REALITY...

It's been a while since I've written about reality TV, or felt compelled to ~ but with no major mishaps going on in my life this week, no remarkable trials or tribulations; now seems like the perfect time to share my opinions about what's going on In REALITY...

I analogize that when "American Idol" starts a new season, it's like the first day of school. You look forward to it, you're excited for it to begin and then you realize that you have another whole year to face and suddenly it doesn't seem so great. Oh, where do I begin... I'm going to try to be as brief as possible (I said TRY) as there is a lot of ground to cover, even at this early juncture in this season of "AI." First let me say; so Paula left, big deal. I'm sure that Fox could find someone else to play Mrs. nice guy and tell the girls when they look pretty. Yes, yes, I KNOW they already did that, I'm just kinda recapping. So Fox decides to have guest judges go on the road in Paula's place - did I like this idea; NO!! I think one of the good things about Idol is consistency, and having a different judge means people were not JUDGED by the same criteria. For instance, I really enjoyed Victoria Beckham and Shania Twain, but I thought Katy Perry was a monster and Joe Jonas didn't say a word; and not for nothing, but if Doogie Howser sings anything, it's Broadway, so I don't really think that he needed to be there (but then again, I was very disappointed in his behavior on "Top Chef Masters"; so I'm probably still holding that against him.) OK, so for some insane reason, FOX chooses Ellen Degeneres to be the new permanent judge on "AI," and to this I say, just because people might like Ellen, doesn't mean that she should be seen ALL OVER THE PLACE. I liken this to the over exposure of Rachael Ray and Paula Dean. Do what you do ladies, COOK! You don't need talk shows, and magazines and several shows on the food network; and a word of caution to Guy Fieri (who I love) don't travel this road my friend. You already have Triple D (which is another one of my FAVES) and "Guy's Big Bite" and if my eyes are serving me correctly it looks like you're also going to be hosting a game show in addition to some Food Network Challenges. Get wise, Food Network and FOX; just because the American Public likes someone it doesn't mean that we want to see them EVERYWHERE. It's like if you absolutely adored cheesecake and all of a sudden you got to eat a piece EVERY DAY (without gaining weight of course;) after awhile, you'd grow tired of the cheesecake and you wouldn't want it anymore. And in "Bumpy Ride" fashion, this is my way of telling you that I don't think FOX should have cast Ellen as the fourth judge. Just because you LIKE music, doesn't mean you are qualified to judge those who are trying to MAKE music; just like she wasn't qualified to judge dancing on "So You Think You Can Dance" last summer. I mean seriously, should Simon host a talk show, a cooking show and start a magazine? NO, he should not, because he knows that he should keep himself as the commodity that he is on "American Idol," or at least he DID know that until he decided that this would be his last season; and not for nothing; do I think that this decision had something to do with the arrival of Ellen; Yes I do, and would I rather see Simon on Idol than anyone; yes I would. So in a nutshell; I'll give Ellen her chance BUT, I'm not happy about it.

Disenchanted; that's what I am with "American Idol" right now. My friend Lesa G, is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to Hollywood gossip and the ins and outs; and she often shares her information with me. Several weeks ago, Lesa told me that Michael Lynche AKA Big Mike had been disqualified from "American Idol" because his dad had told his local newspaper that Michael had made it to the Top 24 and this was a violation of his contract. At the time I hadn't even seen Big Mike yet; but I kept this tidbit in the back of my mind. Michael was a very likable guy with a baby on the way. In fact his wife went into labor when he first got to Hollywood week and he missed the birth of his first child. I kept wondering if they were going to address his discharge or just try to slip someone in on us in his place (which they've done before.) And then when I saw that 16 year old Thaddeus Johnson hadn't been chosen for the Top 24, I thought I had it figured out. They'll replace Michael with Thaddeus and right the wrong of not choosing him in the first place. So my curiosity got the better of me, and I did a little Googling and from what I can tell Michael Lynche has caught himself a lucky break and is remaining in the competition along with some mediocre other guys; who pale in comparison to Thaddeus Johnson.
When I was doing my "AI"research I found that there was an incident with another contestant named Chris Golightly. Chris had made it into the Top 24, but they edited out almost all of his clips from Hollywood week and certainly the clip of him being told he'd made it into the Top 24, because they found that he had a previous record contract; which although not against the rules; he hadn't disclosed and "AI "didn't like this, so they let him go; EVEN THOUGH he didn't break his contract. But Michael Lynche who actually did break his contract is still there. HMMM! With the removal of Chris Golightly, another guy spot was now open on Idol, so this would have been a great time to recall Thaddeus Johnson,(left) but instead they chose Tim Urban; (right) a guy we had rarely seen before. So what's one to do; but create their own conspiracy theory, just as I have. My thinking, is that "American Idol" picks one to three contestants that they WANT to win the show, and everyone else is just varying degrees of fillers. They pick some people who they believe will get eliminated early on from the Top 24 (ie: Tatiana the crazy, crying, laughing girl from last year) and others who they believe will last a couple of weeks or so in the Top 12, but they know from the get go; who THEY want to win; and maybe this just wasn't Thaddeus' year because they believe he can go further another year when he just might be the One, TWO or THREE that they WANT to win. Will Thaddeus buy my theory; probably not, because he's 16 and he wanted this NOW, but will you buy my theory? I'm not implying that the show is FIXED; I'm just justifying their choices for the mediocre guys, so that it makes some sort of sense to me when I'm complaining over the next few weeks about how lousy the guys are. Remember Sanjaya??? FILLER!!
And so much for TRYING to be brief. Now, I know what you're thinking; "If you're disenchanted, don't watch." And you're right, but just because something isn't perfect one moment doesn't mean it can't change; and I'm curious enough to stick with it at least for a while longer, because there are some really good, talented girls. My prediction A GIRL WILL WIN IT THIS YEAR!

Now, believe it or not, with my busy schedule I don't really have a lot of time for TV, though I certainly could convince you otherwise I'm sure. But I DVR everything, and I watch while I'm loading / unloading the dishwasher or cooking dinner or folding laundry and then yah, I do try to allow myself a good hour to relax; and during my relaxation time the other night, I stumbled across a show that is so DIVINE, I am absolutely tickled PINK...
"RuPaul's Drag Race "season 2; just may be my new favorite show; right after "GLEE." I don't think that there's anyone who doesn't know who RuPaul is, but just in case you need a refresher, he /she is the 6'4" GLAMAZON who had the hit song "Supermodel" (You'd better work) in the 90's. She had a talk show on VH1, has done several guest spots in movies and was signed as the first covergirl for MAC cosmetics; making him the first drag queen supermodel. In short; I think that RuPaul is the most glamorous woman in show business. I love her ballsy (pardon the pun) sense of humor and her commanding personality, Oh, yes from one Queen to another, I think she is the hands down WINNER; and now she has a show on LOGO, that can also be seen on VH1. RuPaul's Drag Rce is a competition for drag queens. They typically have one challenge that they compete in as men and another where they have to get all suited up as their alter ego,drag queen personas; then finally, they do a runway competition which concludes with 2 of the contestants having to lip sync for their lives. Oh my God, can you say DELICIOUS!!! This show is nothing short of entertaining. It has the drama that only a room full of queens can bring, outrageous hair and makeup; and did I mention that the ladies MAKE most of their own costumes - move over "Project Runway." This show is da bomb babies; and I give kudos to Rupaul for keeping it real and always being true to herself. Truth be told, I spent way to long trying to find the perfect picture of RuPaul and I honestly although I've included a couple, I didn't find any that I thought did her justice; so just check out her show for yourself, and there will be no disputing my claim.

And while on the topic of "REALITY TV" I have to mention that I did in fact fall pray to MTV's "Jersey Shore." It was one of the umteen days that they were having a marathon, and yes indeedy I got sucked right in. I DVR'D it and i'll admit, was fascinated by the utter stupidity and classlessness of those that thought they were "IT!" To say that I feel sorry for their parents is an understatement, and to say that I just dated myself, may just prove that I had no business watching this show; but honestly I don't care, and i'll be sitting front and center for season 2, cause mindless entertainment can be a VERY good thing in these troubled times. If you haven't caught it; do I recommend it? Probably not. Go find RuPaul's show instead. But if you have seen it and are a fan of the "GTL", "Snookie," or "The Situation;" you'll know EXACTLY what I'm talking about; so go beat up the beat...

Lastly, I will mention the upcoming "Dancing With The Stars," as if I haven't gone on enough already...

Per Lesa, co-host Samantha Harris has left the show; and that's OK by me. Tom Bergeron is the best host ever and it won't realy matter who his co-host is; but in my opinion it should be Kelly Osborne, who was so extraordinarily entertaining and endearing last season. Got that ABC? I hear (per Lesa) that they are considering Brooke Burke and Melissa Rycroft and though either of them would be fine; I'd like to see them go with someone less predictable and more alive; so Kelly gets my vote; as if I have one...

And with that; I think i'll draw this commentary to a conclusion. I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on any or all of the show's that I've mentioned; especially if i've turned you on to something new. I hope that you all keep it REAL, and find some time to enjoy yourselves.
Till next time...

Queen of EVERYTHING

Act 2

Alert: Make Sure to read "A Scene in the Life" entered earlier today, FIRST.

Let me set the stage: It's about 1225pm and I'm at the stove making macaroni and cheese for me and Kelsie. I'm talking to Rachel on the phone, because she's just read "A Scene in the Life", and I was explaining that bread hadn't been a problem on top of the microwave before and I've only had the toaster oven for 2 weeks. We agree that I need to add that little tidbit into my last blog, because when she read it, that wasn't stated and now it makes slightly a little more sense (as if there really can be any sense to it;) anyway; I get a work related call beeping in. I hang up with Rachel, take my work call, leave the room to email this work caller a statement; then return to the kitchen to call Rachel back and continue making lunch.

Scene 1: Paige is stirring the macaroni and speaking to Rachel.

Scene 2: Paige turns to dump macaroni into the collander and there stands 4 year old Kelsie, looking like the cat who ate the canary and appearing to hide something behind her back.

Paige: "Bye Rachel."
Kelsie: "Hi Mama."
Paige: "What's going on Kels, what have you got behind your back?
Kelsie: "Nothing."

This exchange repeats about 3 times

Finally, Kelsie chuckles

Paige: "OK, Kelsie, I think I know you pretty well..."
Kelsie: (smiles and interjects) "My hair.'
Paige: "Why, what did you do?
Kelsie: (crying) "I'm sorry Mama."

Pan to the floor with a HUGE chunk of hair that Kelsie has just cut off her head.

Paige: "Why, Why did you do this?"
Kelsie: (crying) "I don't know"

OK - How's that for a day for you. Anyone know any Reality producers?? Either I'd better start staying out of the kitchen, or God really is trying to pay me back for that dream. Personally I thought he was too busy worrying about the douchies to care about my dream - but I guess not.
I don't know why I'm so surprised that Kelsie cut about 5 inches of her hair off; I mean this is the same child of mine who shaved off part of her right eyebrow a few months ago. I know; right about now I'm sounding like mother of the year. You must think that I never watch this child, but let me just say in my defense; that #1 - she's fast, I mean really fast, I mean we don't call her "Stitch" for nothing; and so she can just do these things in the blink of an eye (or eyebrow - hahaha) and #2, I'm raising 2 other complacent children who don't shave or cut their hair or anybody elses for that matter; so I must be doing something right...
Ya' know how they say bad things happen in threes? I'm just hoping that I'm not going for a record and you don't see a third blog from me today.

Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

A Scene in the Life:

Let me set the stage: It's about 545am and I am in my kitchen. I've been up working for a half hour (I overslept because I was having this delicious dream about Maks from Dancing with the Stars. G rated - but DELICIOUS!)

Scene 1: Paige is putting mini frozen pizzas in the toaster oven; (yes at 545 am - Nicky and Lyndzi want to take them for lunch.)

Camera pans to top of toaster oven with loaf of cinnamon bread on it.

Scene 2: Paige walks into kitchen and re-sets toaster oven for another 5 minutes.

Camera pans to top of toaster oven with loaf of cinnamon bread on it.

Scene 3. Paige removes mini pizzas from toaster oven and offers children cinnamon bread for breakfast.

Paige: "CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You got it! I didn't remove the bread from the toaster oven while it was on and the plastic stuck to the top of the toaster oven; etc. Let's hope it didn't really get on the bread that I fed the kids for breakfast anyway. It was nice and warm - though.

Say it with me "Who could make this stuff up?" Honestly, does it help make me seem like less of an idiot if I tell you that I've only had the toaster oven for 2 weeks?? I am truly my own worst enemy. BUT, as I've proven time and time again, I can laugh at myself and I do recognize how incredibly pathetic this is. I just thought that yet again, it would be the PERFECT opportunity for my own reality show. I felt like I was channeling Ozzy Osbourne or something. Couldn't you just see him using the toaster oven, walking away and then the camera pans to the bread adhering and melting on the toaster oven - yeah, me too. Guess that's what I get for dreaming about Maks. I suppose I have to try and keep my dreams to my husband only in order not to damage any more appliances and poison the children - I get it, I get it.

Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Charlancelot

Disclaimer: Once again I cannot take credit for the clever title. If you are chuckling, you owe your laugh to Big V and her husband Joey; who not only left me a message requesting a blog with this title, but sent me a text with it as well. Good one guys!!

I have to say before I begin that I am flattered that people (well Big V) is making requests for blogs. At least I know I'm amusing someone. But now to request a blog AND request a title - Oh, the pressure... Since I am more than capable of being the Queen of INSECURITY; I can only hope that I don't disappoint.

Now, I'm sure that some of you saw the title, put two and two together, and laughed your heads off. The others of you don't watch the Amazing Race. I must say I think that I laughed out loud during this episode more than I can remember laughing at any show in a very long time; and once again all my laughter came at the expense of Charla and Mirna.

I am still finding it SO difficult to understand why these two morons feel the need to put on fake accents when talking to people in other countries. I'm beginning to think that they do it because they are hoping that they sound like these people, when they are trying to speak English. You know what I mean? Like they when they're in Poland, they tried to sound like what they thought Polish people would sound like if they were trying to speak English. Only problems with this are: 1. If they were native and really had this accent, they would just speak their native language and not English in Poland and 2. Every accent sounds the same. I mean the people of Poland don't know that this was the same way they sounded trying to talk to the people of Mozambique; but we do, and it CRACKS ME UP.

I also have to say it is absolutely ridiculous to me when Mirna insists on telling people or the camera that she and Charla are "young girls." Mirna and Charla are definitely under 40 but they are far from"Young girls." The beauty Queens are definitely younger than them, and Dani is definitely younger than them, but she says "no one wants to help us and we are two young girls," or "why are you doing this to us, we are young girls..." Well Mirna, you need to take a look in a mirror during your next pit stop baby, because you and Charla really ain't so young.

Now explain this one to me. Mirna tries to get some Polish taxi cab drivers to give her directions, they tell her they'll help her for $100, and she gets all Mirna on them (and by Mirna on them, I mean CRAZY;) and says (in her fake accent) "what do you think, I am made of money? You are trying to rob us and we are (say it with me) just 2 young girls." SO the taxi cab drivers get insulted (at the inference that they are trying to rob them) and start walking away; and Mirna says (in her fake accent) "my friend, where are you going?" OMG - I laughed so hard I thought I would pee. Now Mirna, you are an attorney honey, one would think that you would know that the word friend is not a word you use to a stranger that you just yelled at and accused of robbing you.

So as if all of this wasn't funny enough, In the middle of the night, Charla and Mirna get to the roadblock which entails one of the team members to put on a full suit of armor and walk a horse a 1/2 a mile. Mirna says to Charla "are you sure that you want to do this? Remember, we are facing getting kicked out of the race." Now keep in mind, not long before arriving at the roadblock Mirna had just yelled her head off at Charla and complained that she (Mirna) had to do everything; drive, do all the roadblocks etc. So what's Charla gonna say, "no, you do it?" But all I want to say is - See Mirna, you should have let Charla look for that stupid letter a few weeks ago, I think she was a lot more qualified to do that, then to put on a whole suit of armor and lead a horse (that is like the size of a dinosaur to her) for a half mile. Charla fell down twice (which was hysterical ) and Mirna yelled at her the entire time. Now I ask you; how could you not want these two to win? - NOT!!!

My money is on Danny and Oswald. I think they are fabulous!! They are gentlemen, they are kind, they are compassionate, they are funny and they are running a great race. My second choice would be Uchenna and Joyce because I just think they are good people. I like the way Uchenna talks and he is extremely reflective; he could actually make a good politician. Moving up for me to third place are the Beauty Queens. I hated them in their season, but they're acting a little nicer now, so I don't mind if they stick around a little longer; I just don't want them to win.
Honestly, the show might not be as funny once Mirna and Charla go - they have become the people you love to hate.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Hot Topic

OK - It is late. Very late for me and I am sleepy- but as I am the Queen of Competitive (well sometimes;) I have to get this blog in before EVERYONE and their mother starts making their comments about Idol, because you know I want the credit for this one - yup you heard it, or read it here first...
What the hell is Ryan Seacrest thinking? If you are a little gentile, that's gen-teel not gentile (for my Jewish friends,) anyway if you are a little gentile, skip this part.
WHY oh WHY would Ryan make the signal for a hand job, on national TV? In case you missed it or I'm the only perv in the bunch; it went a little something like this. Chris Sligh had sang his way through the audience and then he had a little mic stand action on stage. Now very faintly Paula had made a comment about Simon trying to take the mic stand away from Chris (or something to that effect;) and then when Ryan was talking to Chris on stage, he made some reference to Simon trying to take the mic stand AND while he was making this verbal reference, (I kid you not,) he made the motion of a hand job (in reference to taking the mic I'm sure, but - OMG!!) Go check your Tivo's or rewind your tapes, or better yet just turn on E, the View, or the news because I GUARANTEE you that they will ALL be talking about it.

So let's move on from hand jobs to blow jobs - and by blow I mean those that blew, that absolutely sucked - say it with me now "Sangria, I just met a girl? named Sangria..."
Sangria attempted to rock, with "Girl you really got me down," and although Randy and Paula thought it was his best performance to date - is that really saying much? Once again Lesa said it best "Sangria really "had me going" allright........ straight to the liquor cabinet with a quick stop by the knife rack . Oh my Lord he is SO SO SO SO SO Brutal. " HAHAHA - Good one Lese.

Big news here - Sangria did actually admit that he is NOT the best singer in the competition. Yay! for a moment of clarity. What do you think his first clue was? (To the tune of won't you come home Bill Bailey) "Won't you go home Sangria, won't you go home..."

So here are my bottom 3 this week: Sangria (of course,) Phil ( I fast forwarded through his performance) and Gina ( She was lousy) She was more concerned with getting the hair out of her face then performing her song.

Actually, I gotta say almost the entire show bored me to tears. It was a major snoozefest. I fast forwarded through most of the performances including Lakeisha's and Melinda's tonight. I mean yah, we all know they can sing; but their song choices were just hideous. I don't know, call me crazy but when Lulu told Lakeisha "I think the other song is a far better choice and you can really deliever it;" and then she chose to go with that dreadful Diamonds song, I think that was just downright stupid. I'd almost vote against her just for being such an idiot.
Hmmm, maybe I should write up some suggestions for song choices and ask my brother to go "trollin the pier" for the idols. LOL

My top 3 this week: Jordin, Blake; and I guess Chris Richardson, though I could have just as easily left it at a top 2.

All I can say is Thank God for Dancing with the Stars. My Maks is back and he's got a partner with two real legs and a little rhythm, so he stands a chance of staying in for a few weeks. Oh that makes me a HAPPY Queen.

Of course I have to mention that once again on Amazing Race, Charla and Mirna donned their accents in lieu of the 5 languages they supposedly speak. While trying to sell manicures in Mozambique they put on some kinda unrecognizable accent when trying to convince the locals to let them polish their nails for money. (I know, I know, if you've never seen the show, that little description would certainly not inspire you to tune in - but you gotta trust me on this one - It's Goood.) Anyway, Charla and Mirna actually came in first this week. I was shocked, and a little nauseated, but it's only TV.

Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

Reality Bytes

Now you have to know that I had a thing or two to say about American Idol this week; but I was afraid that I had missed the boat since the results were already announced. Then I gave it some more thought, (because I am the Queen of Thinking things over - can you say obsessive??) and finally decided; what the heck - criticism is criticism and should be shared regardless. LOL

So where shall I begin? I know I'll start at the bottom and work my way up.
So what kinda idiot is Brandon? First of all, Brandon said "I'm gonna sing Can't hurry love, because I grew up on that song." So then what happens; well amongst other things, the moron forgot the words. He grew up on the song; yet he forgot the words. Way to go, and go he did; right off the show.
Simon was on the money (as usual) when he told Brandon that he sounded like a back up singer's back up singer. I don't even think he sounded good enough to be a back up singer unless maybe he's gonna be a back up singer for Sangria.

(To the tune "Maria" from West Side Story) "Sangria, I just met a girl named Sangria." HAHAHA- oh I just kill myself. OK, so once again, Lesa was "dead on balls accurate." to quote Marissa Tomei from My cousin Vinnie (there ya go, Michelle K) She told me last night "I was sure that Sangria was going to sing I'm coming out;" OMG good one Lese, but I think it was actually Ryan's night to come out.
For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to, it went a little something like this: Melinda was saying that it was difficult for her to wear high heels and dresses. Ryan then throws it to Simon to make a comment about high heels (since Simon is such a fashion critic these days,) and Simon says "You should know Ryan;" and Ryan says "Stay out of my closet;" to which Simon replies "Come out." OK so to all of this I say, (not that it matters AT ALL;) but what heterosexual man would reply "stay out of my closet" when the subject of high heels comes up? AND I'm only talking about it because of the whole Sangria coming out thing. Anyway back to Sangria.

I thought that Sangria was trying to do a Diana Ross impersonation. Lesa thinks Sangria wants to be Michael Jackson, and everyone knows that MJ wants to be Diana Ross, so bottom line is Sangria was trying to be MJ being Diana Ross. Aagghh!! Too, Too much. You know you have to be REALLY bad when "in a singing competition," the only positive comment you get is about your hair - and while we're on the subject, what the heck was with that hair. Oh my gosh, I thought it was awful.
The only other thing I want to say about Idol before moving on is that I thought Lakeisha and Melinda blew Diana away. I was waiting for the judges to tell Diana that she was shouting. "Not your best performance dawg," is what Randy shoulda said.

So since I don't want this blog to be all about Idol; I'll move on.
Let's talk Amazing Race... (Here ya go Big V- I told you the time would come.) For those of you trying to keep up on my cast of characters, Big V is my treasured friend Ruthie; oh, excuse me, Ruth. Though from here on out she will only be referred to as Big V (my kids even call her Auntie V; they have no idea why or that her name is anything else; but the Big V is a story for yet another time)
OK, so in case I haven't said it before, I LOVE the Amazing Race; it's my FAVORITE Reality show; and since I'm such a fan of the all-star type event (I mean I was a huge Battle of the Network Stars fan - back in the day; and YOU know when the day was.) Anyway, I like Rob and Amber, well Rob anyway. He amuses me but now they're gone "and that's all I have to say about that;" to quote Forrest Gump. Hmm, big quotation blog for me. I feel a theme within a theme emerging...
My other FAVORITE team on the ARAS (Amazing Race All Stars) is Team Cha Cha Cha - Danny and Oswald. I LOVE them; I think they are GREAT and I'm so glad that they're doing well. I hope they kick every one's butts. And speaking of butts, let me now get on to Charla and Mirna.
So, first off, for anyone who doesn't know, Charla is a little person and she runs the race with her cousin Mirna, and these two are probably the most dislike duo in AR history. As much as people don't like having Rob and Amber in a competition, they dislike Charla and Mirna even more. Reason: they are whiny and annoying and quite honestly, though I've never watched it before I'm waiting for the "celebrity" boxing match between Charla and Mirna once Charla watches the show back and sees how Mirna was tooting her own horn and claiming that she has to work harder than anyone else in the race to make up for Charla's umm shortcomings -( haha that was my summation, she didn't use that word;) anyway she was doggin her and criticizing her like there was no tomorrow. EEWWWW Charla's gonna be MAAAADD and rightly so.
Now here's another tidbit about Charla and Mirna. Mirna, who is an attorney; claims to speak 5 languages - and I just have to say, Mirna, "accents and languages are NOT the same thing." OMG - Mirna will get in a taxi and put on what she thinks is a Spanish accent or a mid-eastern accent and try to tell the cab drivers to go or give them instructions. It's so flippin funny. I mean I think once I heard her speak another language, though I don't know what it was; but usually she just tries to feign an accent. So again I say "accent and language - not the same thing."
Here's another example of how hated these two are. In the last episode there was a road block (a task that only one team member may perform ) hmm, I just sounded like Phil (the host) there for a minute. Anyway, the roadblock was to go into this tiny one room post office and sort through the mailbags until you find the letter that has your team's names on it. Now first I have to say Mirna "you are an Ass!" why the heck would you choose to do this roadblock, when Charla had NO limitations on this one that would have hindered her performance. Little people can sort mail just fine, where hmm I don't know she seems to have a more difficult time w/ physical challenges; but you're right Mirna, you should sort the mail. That great reasoning probably comes in handy being a lawyer and all. (I should say for those of you who don't watch the show and just think I'm nuts at this point. Teams have to divide the road blocks, so they must take turns, and you obviously never know what's gonna come up, so If Mirna wasted a challenge like this and is kept from another road block which is more physical - "BIG Mistake, HUGE " To quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
Boy am I getting sidetracked today or what? A particularly BUMPY RIDE. OK, so Charla and Mirna - now; once they find the letter they have to open it and read it and they discover that the letter is from one of the teams that they competed against in their original race. Most people received nice encouraging letters, team Guido received a funny letter and Rob and Amber's was well; not so nice. But Charla and Mirna: Charla and Mirna receive a letter from Marshall and lance; two brothers who HATED them; (and by the way , I hated Marshall and Lance, I thought they were a couple of schmucks! They were in another country trying to get directions and they were complaining that the people didn't speak English. See like I said schmucks! "It's their country numnuts; they don't have to speak ENGLISH"- unless it was England which it wasn't.) Anyway, Marshall and Lance wrote this nasty letter to Charla and Mirna talking about how Mirna is supposed to speak 5 languages and she doesn't even speak English. (I see a theme here for those brothers) But you get the point. Were Marshall and Lance the only people that they could get to write to Charla and Mirna? Are they that hated? Probably. I actually felt bad for them, because they had to read the letter out loud, and I don't think that was very nice of the producers - but oh well; they just don't ask my opinion, so what can I do.

Lastly, since I'm talkin "REALITY;" I would like to mention that Monday is the return of Dancing with the Stars. My husband and I saw the commercial last night and I couldn't have been more excited;. even he knew why... (sing with me) "My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble, hay na, hay na - yum, yum, Maks!!" (I just threw that part in) Woohoo, may my fantasies begin... Maks is back and I am a happy Queen. Queen of naughty thoughts about a 26 year old guy; I should be ashamed of myself; but he's just TOO beautiful and it's just TOO much fun!! OK, I'm lost in the Maks zone now that I'm thinking about him, so I'd better go.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING

The Queen of EVERYTHING and The Bumpy Ride (or Vice Versa)

Some people write exactly like they talk. I am without a doubt, one of these people. I am a story teller. Which is not to say that I make things up; I don't have to - because I am an incident waiting to happen; and as if that wasn't enough - the most bizarre and ridiculous things seem to happen to me. Now when I say bizarre and ridiculous, I mean stuff that no one in their right mind could make up; and because of this, one of the first things that you should know is that I NEVER exaggerate- I just don't have to. So with that explained; I ALWAYS seem to have a story, AND I always have a point, though sometimes it takes me a while to get to it. Which is again why I say, reading my blogs is like taking the bumpy ride... Eventually you get to where you're going, even if you were a little uncomfortable getting there. =0)

And here is my first of many disclaimers to come: For the most part, my punctuation might not be correct because I tend to talk and write in run on sentences. So forgive me and fasten your seat belts...

So why the Queen of EVERYTHING?? Well, back in the day, (the day pretty much being my college years, 1985-89) I would definitely have considered myself somewhat of a JAP (A Jewish American Princess.) Not so much in the spoiled, or snotty sense of the expression - but I definitely had the clothes. So now that I've grown up, it only stands to reason that I'd be a Queen -though my clothes no longer fall into the JAP mode - more like the Crap mode. LOL

Now, it seems that I am often referring to myself as the Queen of this or the Queen of that, so Queen of EVERYTHING just seemed to make sense. For instance: At work I'm known as the Queen of collections. It even says so on my phone. When I dial someone in my office the print out on their phone reads "The Queen." It' s so nice to be recognized for my talent. It would be even nicer if they were willing to provide me with appropriate monetary compensation for it.
I have been Queen of trivial things such as -Queen of 80's movies (with a specialization in B-rate flicks). You wanna talk about The Jerk, Stripes, 16 Candles, The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire, About Last Night, Girls Just Wanna Have fun, Footloose etc etc - Well bring it on. (I could probably recite each word for word) - SO much useless information floating around in my brain; it's just a shame.
I am the Queen of 70's dance music - you can call it Disco, but I don't b/c not all dance music was Disco but call it what you will - I LOVE it!!
I am the Queen of The Oscar's though when it comes to them, I refer to myself as the Mistress as I've been running an Oscar pool for 9 years now and get totally consumed by all things Oscar. Next year will be my 10th annual pool and I'm aiming for at least 50 participants, so if anyone is interested; please let me know.
I am the Queen of Musicals and seem to have a lot of useless knowledge about Broadway shows and Tony's etc.
I am the Queen of General Hospital as I have been watching it since I was 11 years old except for a break during college b/c we couldn't get reception out where my school was (Southampton, NY.)
I am the Queen of Reality TV. I LOVE the Amazing Race, American Idol, So you think you can dance, Dancing with the Stars, Real World/Road Rules challenges, Big Brother, even the Flavor of Love for crying out loud.
I'd like to consider myself The Queen of Scrapbooking, but I don't yet feel worthy of that title. Really I'm the Pied Piper of scrapbooking, b/c I organize a monthly crop (a time when scrapbooking occurs) and seem to pick up women wherever I go. With that qualification, maybe I should be the Queen of something else... Haha In addition to being the Pied Piper I am also a Paper and ribbon junkie. (Totally unrelated information to being a Queen, but you know, when you have an addiction - the first step is admitting it.)
I am definitely the Queen of Breastfeeding, I (and others) have actually even referred to me as the Breastaurant - as I was open 24/7 for almost 6 years.
I am the Queen of Drama, which is not to say that i'm a drama Queen. At least I don't think so. When I say I'm Queen of drama it's because quite often I seem to get myself into these situations that just cause an unusual amount of stress and drama for me. The aforementioned incidents and unusual situations that seem to plague me, are just NOT what most people seem to have to endure.
I am the Queen of arguing - for sure. I DEFINITELY should have been a litagator; I just got bored with it all (but that's another story,) and now you've been forewarned; as I can win an argument even when I know I'm wrong, (my poor husband.)
I am the Queen of letter writing, I have won a double appeal with an insurance company (those bastards) I have written Fellowship recommendation letters and adoption referrals and part of being the Queen of collections does come from my letter writing expertise.
Hmm hmm I think that's probably enough for now, but in the future if I mention other topics and I'm the Queen of it; I'll let you know.

And, just so there's no confusion, here's a list of things that I am most certainly NOT the Queen of: I am NOT the Queen of Computers nor ANYTHING technological. I can barely make my way onto my blog page or work my digital camera. Additionally, I am NOT the Queen of web surfing. The internet frustrates the piss out of me; so for my surfing needs I rely on my good friends Rachel K and Michele K, (who still thinks she's Michelle M b/c she got married a few weeks ago, but i'm gonna help her adapt to her new name and refer to her from here on out as Michele K).
I am NOT the Queen of Geography - I am so bad at it that I should be embarrassed. I am NOT the Queen of Science Fiction or anything remotely involvoing the word science. I am NOT the Queen of horror movies. I hate them, hate them, hate them. I mean I still check my car for canibals every night thanks to seeing Silence of the Lambs in what 1991??? And, that's not even really a horror movie.
I am NOT the Queen of thrill rides. I am a big chicken and luckily I'm married to an even bigger chicken, so the pressure to ride them is off. I'm also raising 3 little chickens, so the chance of me having to go on a thrill ride anytime in the near future is pretty slim unless my friend/sister Michele Q gets her hands on me. Michele Q is determined to break me of this fear which is pathetic in her eyes. But call me crazy, I just don't enjoy my stomache tying itself in a knot and then dropping out from under me; UNLESS it would be possible to leave it wherever it drops in which case I could get off the ride like 40 lbs lighter - Now, then I might be convinced to ride them - even daily.
I am NOT the Queen of healthy eating, though I wish I was.
I am NOT the Queen of Jazz, Opera, Heavy Metal, or Hip-Hop though I could recant Rappers delight, Roxanne Roxanne, The Show and most Salt -n-Pepa songs with my eyes closed - modern day hip-hop just ain't my thang.
I am NOT the Queen of current events though information just seems to fall into my lap right when I need it; which keeps me from looking like an uninformed, blithering idiot most of the time.
I'm sure that there are many more things that I am NOT the Queen of, and I will be happy to advise you of them when the situation arises; but, for right now we can just give me the benefit of the doubt and accept the fact that for the most part I am the Queen of Everything and I desperatley want to take you on the Bumpy Ride as often as possible.
I don't know how frequently i'll write; but I know that I really, really want to and I thank you for taking this journey with me.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING