Tuesday, July 5, 2011

(43-343) There Are No Words

I don't like feeling helpless.  I'm not comfortable with feeling out of control and it is crucial that I make the ones that I love feel better.  Yet, when sickness and death are involved; we are all helpless.  We are all out of control, and there truly is nothing that any of us can say to make our loved one feel better.  Life is beautiful and yet cruel.  We build relationships with family, friends, pets, co-workers, and yet we are supposed to accept their illness or loss and just go on with our lives...  We all know that's not true.

My father was the first person that I personally knew who passed away and his passing was totally unexpected.  Yes, he'd been sick; but I had no idea that it was as serious as it actually was, and the fact that I'd been estranged from my mom for two years, just made the situation that much more precarious.  Things were complicated and no one really knew what to say to me, and at the age of 15 I just accepted that.

Just three years later when my mom's cancer came back and she started to get sick, I found that friends withdrew from me because they didn't know what to say or how to comfort me since death and such circumstances were something that was unfamiliar to them.  The truth of the matter is that someone who is suffering doesn't need you to have the perfect words, they just need your love and support and empathy and time.  No one can expect that someone else is going to have the magic words to make you feel all better, because those words don't exist. 

There are no words that can stop our loved ones from hurting in such situations, and really, NO ONE expects us to have them.  All that we can tell those who are suffering or nearing a loss is that we love and care for them, and that we are so sorry that they are hurting.  I know that it will make you feel helpless and out of control but there are some things that are just bigger than us.
Till next time...

1 comment:

Kai said...

I'm pretty sure I know why you wrote this... and I so agree with everything you've written.