Sunday, February 13, 2011

(43-201) Hard To say Goodbye...

What an incredibly bittersweet day.  After a wonderful weekend of getting to know my cousin Jackie and her family; we had to say our goodbyes and head back home to Peoria. 

Once I woke up, I got in bed with Jackie, because her husband Gene, had gone out to get doughnuts.  Jackie and I lay in bed talking and one by one, my kids climbed in bed with us as well.  I told you it was a lovefest.
Once Gene returned; we all went into the kitchen and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast.  We then packed up and took a walk.

As our time together was coming to an end; everyone grew very sad; and it was extremely difficult to say goodbye; even though it was only a "goodbye for now."  Jackie and I embraced and cried; and I was overcome with emotion.  As we drove off, I cried harder; because I was in pain - not physical; but emotional.  Sometimes it's true; ignorance IS bliss.  I knew that I felt deprived of a biological family (other than MY kids,) but since it had been so long since I'd known what having that family felt like; once I did get to feel it again; I felt very sad to have been missing those feelings and connections for all of these years.  I didn't want to upset my kids by crying; but I couldn't help myself.  Everyone, including Luis cried with me; and after a few minutes, I was able to stop.

Being with Jackie and her family this weekend was more than I could have hoped for. We had lots of time to chat, we went to Disneyland, we went to the beach, we had FANTASTIC Chinese food; we laughed, we learned and we loved; A LOT!  I shared many stories with Jackie; and although I NEVER think of myself as someone who's had a difficult life; it reminded me that truly I have had some devastating experiences that others my age have not; and yet I have survived it all and managed to become a person that I am proud of.  In addition to that; I had an epiphany of sorts.   I thought to myself; "if I can get through my parents brutal divorce, the death of my father when I was 15, and all that it entailed; the death of my mother when I was 19 and all that it entailed; then none of the petty crap that I've been dealing with lately, is anything compared to what I've already been through and it doesn't matter AT ALL."  What does matter; is that my family is now complete.  Our lives are now changed for the better and we will never be alone again. 
Till next time...


Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

Sounds like a beautiful time with your cousin! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Joni Parker said...

How very sweet. Good thoughts!!