(43-44) Friend Or Foe

I am off track; I am DEFINITELY OFF TRACK!  My weight has been an issue for me, hmmm, well my ENTIRE life; and if you've been following "The Bumpy Ride" for a while or you've known me for more than 2 years; then you know that about 2 years ago I was actively going to the gym, I wasn't eating carbs at dinner and I had lost about 30 lbs.  The picture in my profile was taken during the height of my weight loss; and I can honestly say that I thought I looked good.  I was pleased with my appearance and I had every reason to believe that I was going to continue losing weight.
WELL, life happens; and although my weight loss was a priority; other priorities superseded it.  With Luis working a second job, I found that I had less time to go to the gym, but I continued to avoid carbs at dinner; UNTIL I went on vacation to Puerto Vallarta in May.

Now when I'm disciplined, I'M DISCIPLINED; so the fact that I was going on vacation in and of itself, was not a reason for me to disregard my diet; but I hadn't been eating carbs at dinner for over 2 years; and I wanted to allow myself some time off.  To quote Julia Roberts in "Prettty Woman;" "BIG mistake; HUGE!"  Although I don't think that I gained weight in Vallarta, eating carbs at dinner there was certainly the beginning of my end.
Upon our return home, slowly but surely carbs worked their way back into my dinner menus.  In the 2 years where carbs were absent from my dinners, I continued to make them for my kids, (and didn't eat them) but once I'd hate a taste of my forbidden fruit, as addicting as carbs can be; I was hooked once again.  I haven't stepped on a scale in months, but I'm sad to say that I'm probably very close to being right back where I started from.

I had thought that once my kids went back to school, I would go back to the gym.  But then I found several reasons (OK, EXCUSES) for prolonging my return.  My diet has completely gone to hell with itself; and as I said in the beginning of this post, I am off track; I am DEFINITELY OFF TRACK!

I don't think that I've ever met a carb that I didn't like.  Pasta, rice, breads, potatoes, desserts, I'm an equal opportunity carb eater.  In fact, I'd have to say that carbs are my favorite food group; however, today I overdid it; I DEFINITELY overdid it.  I typically  go in to my office on Thursday's and I customarily stop and pick up a bagel on my way in; and that's exactly what I did today.  At lunch time I had a child's size personal pizza, and I'll admit that as much as I love carbs; shortly thereafter consuming my second meal of the day, I knew that I had made a mistake.  I became more tired than I remember being in quite some time, and my body felt disgusting.  I wasn't sick to my stomach but I could tell that my body felt overwhelmed.  It was then that I knew that enough was enough; that the carbs I adored were not my friends, but truly my foe.

It is time!  I am ready to get back on track.  I do want to lose the hundred pounds that I mentioned in my "To Do" post and I've got to start somewhere.  Am I ready to go back to the gym?  Now that I'm still not sure about.  But the carbs at dinner; starting Monday, that's my plan! 

It's just like I wrote yesterday, in "New Beginnings," "It's never too late to start over.  I'm re-committing myself and I'm up for the challenge.  Between writing my blog every day, exploring my religion and losing weight, I think I've  got a full plate; and carbs won't have any room there; ESPECIALLY at dinner time.
Till next time...
Queen of EVERYTHING